Particracy Forum

October 4478

Fortland's "One Star" ranking hopes dashed

Yesterday, the citizens of Fortland threw a party to celebrate a leaked scrap of a document from the Zardic Institute of International Relations which listed Fortland's name alongside an asterisk (*), which was presumed to represent one star. They assumed this meant the Institute was taking Fortland seriously for its upcoming Economic and Military Power Lists, and were planning to award it a prestigious one star rating.

However, the next day, the mood became more sombre. A second document from the Institute was leaked, indicating that the asterisk did not represent a star, but instead denoted "not a real country, economic and military power is negligible, no need for further investigation".

Fortland reacted with fury to this snub, firing off a range of unloaded guns and cannons - once again provoking indignant noise pollution complaints from coastal communities in Noumonde.

This evening, though, Fortland addressed a politely-worded letter to the Institute, inviting them to send their inspectors to Fortland in order to "enjoy tea and cake with us, participate in a guided tour of our country and carry out a full examination of our economic and military achievements".

March 4484

***BREAKING NEWS: FORTLAND IS ON FIRE***





The Republic of Fortland is on fire. President Geoffrey Briggs has declared a state of emergency, ordered a full evacuation and appealed for urgent international assistance.

The fire started whilst Fortland was attempting to show off its latest weaponry to a visiting inspector from the Zardic Institute of International Relations. It is believed the fire was caused by an unexpected spark flying off the back of one of the cannons.


Inspector Luis being escorted to safety

Inspector Luis has already been evacuated from the country, although his notebook was lost in the chaos. However, a source close to the Inspector says he is not too bothered about this "because the economic and military assets he came to inspect are burning down as we speak, so the notes he took are now of limited value".

In a decision which has provoked widespread criticism, Noumonde has refused to come to Fortland's aid, claiming Fortland "is no concern of ours" and that "our coastguard are over-stretched at the moment as it is". Distress calls have been made to other nearby countries, including Indrala, Rildanor, New Alduria, Temania and Kimlien.

President Briggs has urged the Zardic Institute of International Relations "not to downgrade us on account of this tragedy", arguing that "the long-term fundamentals are sound so far as our economic and military development are concerned". He added that "we hope this unfortunate incident will not deter the Institute's inspectors from visiting us in future".

Indrala saves the day!




An Indralan military vessel has responded to Fortland's distress call and put out the fire,

Significant damage has been caused by the blaze, but President Geoffrey Briggs insists "we will get through this" and "Fortland is still in business, still a power to be reckoned with in the world".

The 12 Indralan sailors who helped put out the flames have been awarded Presidential Medals of Valour and made Lords and Ladies of Fortland. It is not known whether the International Monarchist League and other international monarchical and aristocratic organisations will recognise these titles. President Briggs has offered his "profound thanks and gratitude to the sailors, to the Indralan government and to the Indralan people for assisting us in this time of desperate need".

However, he also lashed out at Noumonde, Fortland's nearest neighbour, which refused to offer any help at all. "Noumonde has not shown itself to be a friend," he said, warning that "they cannot reasonably expect any favours from us after this".



Shirley Briggs, the First Lady, has drawn a picture of the fire (above). The family are hoping it will sell for a substantial sum at auction, and that the funds raised will help to fund essential reconstruction work.

October 4485

Fortland strikes gold
Revolutionary cow dung to gold scheme set to "make Fortland a World Power within 10 years"

The Republic of Fortland has invested what it has described as "a very substantial amount of money" into a scheme run by Hartvig Prize winner Professor Viraj Choudhary to harness the energy from lightning bolts in order to transform ordinary cow dung into gold.

Professor Choudhary claims to have already perfected the technique, and has spent today showcasing his results (pictured below).





President Geoffrey Briggs has hailed the project as "revolutionary" and commented:

In return for our investment, Professor Choudhary has agreed to share the secrets of the technique with us and grant us exclusive rights to us it. This really is a ground-breaking development. Very soon, we will have more gold than we will know what to do with, and we will be one of the richest nations on Terra. We expect to be an official World Power within the next 10 years.

October 4489

Incinerated cow dung or "proto-gold"?


"Proto-gold": cow dung incinerated by lightning strike

Professor Vijay Choudhary has announced his scheme to convert cow dung into gold has run into "a few hitches and minor delays". However, he claims he has now produced a substance which he calls "proto-gold", which he claims "consists of the same essential elements of gold, but which has not yet materialised into the physical form of gold".

He says the "proto-gold" can be "persuaded" to materialise into gold through the chanting of ancient Gerajan (OOC: Hindu) mantras and the performance of various yogic exercise.

The Republic of Fortland has issued a statement saying it has "full confidence in Professor Choudhary and the exciting project he is working on".

President Briggs has also offered to sell a tonne of "proto-gold" to any interested nation, organisation or individual for 100 million Rildanorian Crowns.

October 4490

Fortland arrives to empty state funeral

President Geoffrey Briggs of Fortland has arrived at Trondsmo Cathedral in Skalm in Kazulia to attend the state funeral of King Henrik II, only to find there was no funeral going on at all, and the only people around were a few worshippers and tourists. The President discovered, upon further investigation, that the funeral took place quite some time ago, and that he arrived too late.

However, he signed a Book of Condolence, and spent an enjoyable weekend touring the city.