Kalopia

[Amazeroth]

Kalopia worries about new Axis-rhetorics

The Logothetes tou dromou (the Minister of Foreign Affairs) issued today a pressrelease, stating that he completely understood "the worries of our people. Apparently the moment somebody speaks against the Axis, there comes a harsh response on one hand, and an intellectual, albeit condescending on the other. On one hand we have Luthori, a prominent, if not the most prominent, member of the Axis, calling back their ambassadors - an act that has high meaning in international relations and usually marks the beginning of a greater crisis. On the other we have a member of the Foreign Office of Rutania, who tries, through the means of intellectual discourse, to ridicule the just concerns of the Majatran countries. Instead of answering in a direct, truthful way, he decides to hide behind ridiculing rhetorics, and means to lecture the Majatrans about how it is their own fault. We sincerely hope that the Axis finds another way to deal with those who gather the courage to voice criticism, and does not continue this path of threats and demagogy."

[Amazeroth]

Haven WorldWide Corporations to be employed for Kalopia

Today, the Megas domestikos (Minister of Defence) signed an agreement with CEO Heaven Augustus of Haven WorldWide Corporations. The exact contents of the treaty weren't made public, as their secrecy is highly important for the security of the Kalopian state, but both of them left the signing room smiling and confident that a deal of mutual beneficiality had been made. Long negotiations preceded this signing, and in general the agreement ensures the help and loyalty of a high amount of highly trained armed security personel for the Basileia, reinforcing the numbers of our military. Political commentators overall highly praised the goodwill of both parties, and first voices are heard that this shows that the ALC has comes to term with the corruption in Kalopia, and is now working with the system - which seems to have accepted them now.

[Amazeroth]

What has befallen Rutania?
Rutenian analysts declare their nation's views the objective basis of moral judgement

a commentary by political analyst Dr. Christopheros Patriakis


Has Rutania become insane? This is the first question most of our colleagues asked when they first heard of the new statement of the Rutanian Foreign Office. Apparently now the Rutanian Minister of Foreign Affairs, Javier Kreuz, sees himself as the sole decider of right and wrong - or so the Rutanian analysts seem to believe. Mr. Kreuz has issued a statement in which he, completely unprovoked, decided to remind the whole of Terra, apparently, that there is such a thing as souvereignty, and that it has to be accepted by every state in order not to fall into global anarchy. An interesting statment at an interesting time.

Why an interesting statement? Firstly, because it is issued by the same man who just months ago defended the Axis, the by far biggest organisation that chooses to ignore the souvereignty that seems to have suddenly become so dear to Mr. Kreuz. An organisation that has taken it upon itself to decide where the borders of individual nations begin, and when to forget about sovereignty at all. Secondly, because Mr. Kreuz is the Foreign Affairs Minister of a nation that currently owns colonies on Dovani. Colonies - the very blight on Terra, the living monument, if you will, to the complete disregard of the people who lived there before, and of the Dovani nations who had taken it upon themselves to protect these people - and on their front Sekowo, a country now in grave turmoil, and another failure of the Axis. Why is it, that such a man suddenly conjures up a moral need to preach to the rest of Terra of sovereignty?

We have to look at the time now: This statement comes now, just after the nation of Selucia has taken the ambassador of Al'Badara hostage - an act that will, at this point, likely lead to more violence, and in the worst case, to war. Why should this concern Rutenia though, it being far away, even on another continent (or two other continents, considering their colonies)? Is this about the terrorist attacks in Dovani? Hardly, as Rutenias souvereignty is not in danger because of them. Apparently, despite the obvious first impression, Rutenia seems to see some danger in the Al'Badara-Seleucia-Crisis. And the danger it sees, it does not see because of Rutenian people or territory being endangered, nor because of a sudden change of heart of Mr. Kreuz. Once again, the Axis stands behind his actions.

This can be seen more clearly if we concentrate on the commentary of Rutenian analyst Professor Ingeborg Helvet. Apart from obvious, well, I would call it bootlicking if I was going to be that rude, in declaring that now that Mr. Kreuz has spoken, Rutania has clearly found the objective base of morality the world has been searching for, there are some sentences worth reading twice. "A state becomes a negative character not because of others use wrongly concepts, manipulate public opinion. But because of wrong deeds." Sentences that are all the more interesting because they are not at all related to the message of the Minister, but seem to show the spirit behind the minister's words in a very clear light. This is nothing else than a message to the nations that have started criticising the Axis lately, and it is the same Mr Kreuz said months earlier:
"A state becomes a negative character" - states that have problems due to the Axis; "not because of others [who] use wrongly concepts, manipulate public opinion" - it is not the Axis' fault; "But because of wrong deeds" - it's their own fault.
Professor Helvet says, once again, that the states who now criticise the Axis because of the problems the Axis caused, because of the Axis standing for a few nations and protecting them by abusing others, that these faults wrongly address the Axis, and that the problems were their own fault. We have all heard such statements before and know well how to see through them.

So, where is the relation between this old message, and the minister's new one? Why is this message retold now, when Al'Badara and Seleucia are on the edge of violent conflict? This becomes clear if the following is considered: Both Seleucia and Al'Badara are members of the Axis! Apparently, the Axis not only failed to prevent such violent developments, but is now preparing Terra for its next big failure: the Axis apparently is not willing to react to such behaviour between its own members directly, but only through statements of ministers from far-away countries. And apparently, the Axis is not willing to do something in the event of an escalation, otherwise we wouldn't have to hear sermons about souvereignty from said ministers. A dark prospect for terra indeed.

[Amazeroth]

Kalopians in unrest - Government worried by international developments


Today, in a speech to the nation and speaking for the whole government, the Megas logothetes (HoG) addressed some of the Kalopians' current sorrows:

"And let us not forget what happened just now: not only has the Axis failed to solve the Al'Badara - Seleucia crisis, no, they have just expelled Seleucia for not following the Axis' orders. The hopes that this crisis will be solved peacefully seem to be fading fast, now that the Axis has declared themselves to favour Al'Badara. And what's more, this means that if war occurs, the Axis will fight, and it will have to fight according to its own rules, against Seleucia. Not only has the Axis thus ruined the chance of moderating between its members, but it has also prepared itself to breach the exact thing Mr. Kreuz of Rutania was holding so dear: the sovereignty of a state, in this case Solentia's. We sincerely hope that this escalation can be prevented, but the Axis seems, willing or because of inability, to be working against that. But rest assured, fellow Kalopians! We will not stand idly by! If there is war, we will ensure that Kalopia will be protected, and we hope that the other nations of Majatra agree on this: we don't want any more interference by the Axis, not military, but also, seeing that they are uncapable of holding the peace, by diplomacy! Majatra will act when it is concerned, and not the Axis or any other international organisation that has no interest in Majatra and does not care for its people!"

Later in the speech, the Megas logothetes also spent a few words on the situation in Likatonia:

"We congratulate the Likatonians for their new regime, which will hopefully destruct the old systems failures, and help their country rise to greatness. We are glad to say that today, the Ministry of Foreign Affairs has decided that Kalopia officially recognises the new Likatonia, and is looking forward to better and more proseperous relations."

[Amazeroth]

Kalopia mobilizes

In response to the threats not only from the Badara-Seleucia war, but also from Luthori warships in Majatran waters, and wishing to protect the Kalopians from collateral damage in the war, and the imperialistic interest of the Luthori fleet, the Megas domestikos (Minister of Defence) has today ordered a mobilisation of Kalopias armed forces. From now on, Kalopia is in readiness to react to any more threats and to prevent any assaults on Kalopia or its people.

[Amazeroth]

Kalopian Cultists emigrate to Hutori


After what seemed to be an internal quarrel, about 500 Kalopian citizens have set off to Hutori today. They are all united in a cult called "Horde of Baal". Chief cultist Philippos "The Slasher" Pteridontios has declared that "we want to be closer to our God Baal! We heard, that he became the Minister of Defence in Hutori recently, and we wanted to show that we still revere this ancient entity since his Descension so many centuries ago! We will set off for Hutori and throw ourselves to the feet of The Slaughterer and beg to accept us as his loyal servants. We also want to leave Kalopia because we are not able to follow our religion here - human sacrifices are still forbidden, and so is torture - and we plan to have a suicide of 100 of our members when we first see the Hutori border."


"The Slasher, as he likes to see himself drawn, as fotos were forbidden

Indeed, the party of the United Forces of Decay has come to power in Hutori once more, but most Kalopians are glad to see that the cultists are leaving. "You couldn't sleep with them chanting all night in that made-up language of them!" told us an enraged neighbour, "I say good riddance to these lunatics!" Other than to point out that it would not be too clever to cross the waters between Seleucia and Al'Badara right now, there was no statement available from higher politicians than the Mayor of Elinaikos - and he is none other than "The Slasher" Pteridontios himself.

[Amazeroth]

Second "wave" of cultists emigrate, this time to Mordusia

Just a short time after the emigration of cultists devoted to Baal the Slaughterer, the Minister of Defence for Hutori, a second wave of cultists, this time about 2 thousand Kalopians, left the country. These cultists, however haven't pledged their allegiance to Baal, but to another religion: The Church of Mordus. About 1.500 of them, according to a survey the cultists held among themselves, are devoted followers of their "pope" and former Lord-Elect of Mordusia, Mervyk the Vogon. The other 500 are mostly transvestites that read an article of the Mordusian paper, and are now out to join Mervyk the Vogon in his strife, as one of the trannies put it, to "promote acceptance".


"Pope" Mordus.
Photo courtesy of The Mordus Daily

[Amazeroth]

3rd cultist occurence: Cultist leaves for Telamon

And hopefully the last chapter in the recent cultist emigrations has been closed: Today, Constantine Peridiakis, how calls himself Gurbûzz now, has left Kalopia by boat. His target is the nation of Telamon, where a new cult has just recently formed a party: Gurbûzz is going to join the Order of Shuzzag-Khân, a deity that apparently chose to revelate itself to a Telamonese shepard named Gozo Ffyrdin, now known as His Holyness, Glûzz I., Archpope and Prophet Supreme to Shuzzag-Khân; Master of the Eye of the Spheres; Lord of the Thirteen Vows; Keeper of the Seven Gates of the Void; Ruler of Beast and Man, Time and Space, Heaven and Earth; Pounding Heart of the Last God; He who cannot die. What exactly the cult does is unclear, but it seems to promote sacrifice and blood. Without being asked, really, Mr. Gurbûzz told a reporter of ours who happened to be hanging out at the docks that particular time, that he was really looking forward to meet His Holyness and his five sheep, and that he wanted to help him and his flock to reach the hights of Telamonese politics and to remove the Likatonian influence from Telamon once and for all.


A figure our reporter bought at the docks, which slightly resembles Mr. Gurbûzz

[Amazeroth]

The Prodigal Son returns

Today, in Polykratos, a whole of two people (his father and a stranger who likes to fall into cheers) greeted the returning Constantine Peridiakis, known to our readers also as Gurbûzz, who was forced to return from Telamon as he didn't manage to pass the citizenship exam. Having failed in every single point, and managed to insult the immigration officer twice per question, he was returned promptly to his boat, and sent back to Kalopia. "Regrettably" says Kalopian officer for immigration Georgious Xenophilos, "as he has never forfeit Kalopian citizenship, we have to take him back. And as he is not foreign, he doesn't even have to register as a missionary of his deranged cult with the ministry of foreign affairs". Nevertheless, the two people greeted him enthusiastically, his father singing the "chorus of our glorious Shuzzag-Khan, destroyer of worlds", and the stranger singing loudly "la la" to the tune of the popular "Kalopian Fish Fingers" commercial jingle.


A rather nice picture of seven people, swearing an oath. According to Mr. Gurbûzz, he also took an oath to convert Kalopia, in a ceremony not unlike the one depicted here.



When asked, Mr Gurbûzz told us that it was "my utter wish to return to this heathenly land and to convert its people! His Holyness, Pope Glûzz (etc.) gave me this quest in person. It did not come lightly to me, as the people of Telamon were of a friendly and hospital breed, but, alas, I had to leave their country, although they begged me to stay. For I am the bearer of the blood-red light of Shuzzâg-Khân, and I will not sleep or rest until my quest has been brought to its noble end, and every Kalopian is united under the horrible deitiy that is Shuzzâg-Khân, bringer of Blood and Warfare!"

[Amazeroth]

Kalopia in grief

Today, after a long struggle with his illnesses, the Basileus, Thorsson I./IX. Islyn, Basileus tês Kalopikês, Kungenes Konge af Kazulia, Duke of Islyn and Herra af Ulfmærr, Protector of the High Order of the Phoenix Conflagrant and First of the Order of Polymorphic Knowledge, died among his closest family. The funeral will be held at the 23rd of December 2955 in Polykratos, and State leaders and fellow monarchs from all over the world are expected to attend.

His successor, his son the Despotes Theodore XIX. of Islyn, Earl of Islia, will be crowned the new Basileus on the 26th of December.