Conservatives united by insane rumblings of a lunatic
by Friedrich Cathan
Seeing that the conservatives seem to be the only ones in the country believing the tales of Mr. Käuzchenkropf-Überschwang, it is time to ask some very important questions, namely two.
The first would be: Are the conservatives basing their policy now on lunatic-driven media affairs? And if so, if they do believe Käuzchenkropf-Überschwang that the GWP is aiming for a monarchy, do they also believe his other, equally ludicrous tales? Do they also believe that vampires are in our government? What if Mr. Käuzchenkropf-Überschwang were to tell, that their own Mr. Gährheimer was in fact a werewolf, or a banshee? Would they throw him out on the streets where he belongs?
Are the conservatives that stupid?
I think not. In fact, this seems to be too perfect just to be the outcome of a party listening to the insane, and that brings us to question number two:
Is the KP behind all this?
Let's look at the facts: A hence unknown man, with the ominous name of Käuzchenkropf-Überschwang, appears "out of thin air", practically, and tells some of the most incredible stories heard of, all discriminating the GWP. All discriminating the one party that keeps the conservatives from ruling this country with their well-known iron fist of terror.
And if this wasn't suspicious enough: let's look at this obvious Mr. Käuzchenkropf-Überschwang: First of all, we must consider the things we really know about him, and they are few to start with. His name, and that he's an escaped mental patient. Let's start with the latter one: apparently, there are no records in any institution dedicated to healing the mentally wounded of a Mr. Käuzchenkropf-Überschwang. None. Strange, isn't it, that his oh-so-convincing backstory seems to blow up when faced with serious investigation?
And now to his name, Käuzchenkropf-Überschwang (or, as his name would be in English: Tawny Owl's Struma - Exuberance). Has anyone ever heard of a so obviously made-up name? That's right, nobody ever has. Isn't it more likely, that this name is a pseudonym, perhaps a clever anagram, of a well-known conservative party official? Isn't it strange, that the letters ä, r, h, and e can be found in the name of the new conservative leader Mr. Gährheimer? And what about the missing letters, g, i and m?
At first, they seem to be missing, and thus destroying the otherwise well-based theory of Mr. Gährheimer's alter ego. But the ancient art of Kabbalah can help us here - a particularily interesting help, seeing that the conservatives are rumored to base most of their decision on ancient numeral mysticism than on reason. In Kabbalah, the letters g, i and m, properly added, equal an amount of 131 - the same amount as the letters t, n and a, which we find in the word "ant". And what else is an ant, if not living in exuberance - or "Überschwang" - in its ant-hill, and what else is it, if not one of the favourite preys of the tawny owl, which moves its struma, when it eats?
Do I have to say more?
Mr. Friedrich Cathan is chief of the GWP-office for public confusion. His article does not necessarily reflect the views of this paper.