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Re: Geradschanische Wohlfahrtszeitschrift von Malivia

Postby Amazeroth » Sat Oct 09, 2010 3:03 pm

Conservatives united by insane rumblings of a lunatic

by Friedrich Cathan

Seeing that the conservatives seem to be the only ones in the country believing the tales of Mr. Käuzchenkropf-Überschwang, it is time to ask some very important questions, namely two.

The first would be: Are the conservatives basing their policy now on lunatic-driven media affairs? And if so, if they do believe Käuzchenkropf-Überschwang that the GWP is aiming for a monarchy, do they also believe his other, equally ludicrous tales? Do they also believe that vampires are in our government? What if Mr. Käuzchenkropf-Überschwang were to tell, that their own Mr. Gährheimer was in fact a werewolf, or a banshee? Would they throw him out on the streets where he belongs?

Are the conservatives that stupid?

I think not. In fact, this seems to be too perfect just to be the outcome of a party listening to the insane, and that brings us to question number two:

Is the KP behind all this?

Let's look at the facts: A hence unknown man, with the ominous name of Käuzchenkropf-Überschwang, appears "out of thin air", practically, and tells some of the most incredible stories heard of, all discriminating the GWP. All discriminating the one party that keeps the conservatives from ruling this country with their well-known iron fist of terror.

And if this wasn't suspicious enough: let's look at this obvious Mr. Käuzchenkropf-Überschwang: First of all, we must consider the things we really know about him, and they are few to start with. His name, and that he's an escaped mental patient. Let's start with the latter one: apparently, there are no records in any institution dedicated to healing the mentally wounded of a Mr. Käuzchenkropf-Überschwang. None. Strange, isn't it, that his oh-so-convincing backstory seems to blow up when faced with serious investigation?
And now to his name, Käuzchenkropf-Überschwang (or, as his name would be in English: Tawny Owl's Struma - Exuberance). Has anyone ever heard of a so obviously made-up name? That's right, nobody ever has. Isn't it more likely, that this name is a pseudonym, perhaps a clever anagram, of a well-known conservative party official? Isn't it strange, that the letters ä, r, h, and e can be found in the name of the new conservative leader Mr. Gährheimer? And what about the missing letters, g, i and m?
At first, they seem to be missing, and thus destroying the otherwise well-based theory of Mr. Gährheimer's alter ego. But the ancient art of Kabbalah can help us here - a particularily interesting help, seeing that the conservatives are rumored to base most of their decision on ancient numeral mysticism than on reason. In Kabbalah, the letters g, i and m, properly added, equal an amount of 131 - the same amount as the letters t, n and a, which we find in the word "ant". And what else is an ant, if not living in exuberance - or "Überschwang" - in its ant-hill, and what else is it, if not one of the favourite preys of the tawny owl, which moves its struma, when it eats?

Do I have to say more?


Mr. Friedrich Cathan is chief of the GWP-office for public confusion. His article does not necessarily reflect the views of this paper.
Eines Tages traf Karl der Große eine alte Frau.
"Guten Tag, alte Frau", sagte Karl der Große.
"Guten Tag, Karl der Große", sagte die alte Frau.
Solche und ähnliche Geschichten erzählt man sich über die Leutseligkeit Karls des Großen.
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Re: Geradschanische Wohlfahrtszeitschrift von Malivia

Postby Leonardo222 » Sat Oct 09, 2010 8:31 pm

Coalition government sets to work

Malivia has real government, again.

"We will lead this country into a ara of propserity and away from the Socialist government."so mr Gährheimer.
"What do you say to mr Kreuz...?" ask a reporter.
"Well, I understand that they are frustrated.An it's proofen that they want a monarchy.Their candidate and actual president is Josef Hunter.I don't like mr Hunter.I fought against his father's dictatorship.!"
Then the new Kanzler hold his first cabinet meeting.This meeting was very important, because of the new Census law.The Census law will count all Citizens of Malivia.
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Re: Geradschanische Wohlfahrtszeitschrift von Malivia

Postby Amazeroth » Sat Oct 09, 2010 9:21 pm

The Präsident is speaking

Today, we have the exiting opportunity to introduce our readers to a brand-new column, that will appear in unregular periods: The Präsident is speaking!
Here, the acting Präsident of Malivia, Josef Hunter, will express his thoughts on Malivian, but als international, policy.


On Malivian Politics

My dear fellow Malivians, today I write about a most disturbing evolution in Malivian politics. I refer, of course, to the alarming descent into madness that we can see in the Konservative Partei, and especially their leader, Mr. Gährheimer, or, as he lets himself be called officially now, Freiherr Walter zu Gärheim. This man's hybris seems to drive him ever deeper into the dark well inside his mind, that consumes all sanity. Believe me, when I say that I'm not retaliating, because he said that he doesn't like me, or that he refered to me as the president of the GWP, when I am the president of Malivia. It is only natural, in politics, that the parties don't like each other. Although, I must confess, I am a little surprised to find out that "Freiherr" Walter Gährheimer actually new and fought my father. My father, Adalbert Hunter, was a very humble man, whose greatest ambition was to tend to his little suburbian garden. The fact that Mr. Gährheimer views his "reign" over his garden as a "dictatorship" is another sad clue of his dwindling sanity, and that he claims to have "fought" against him is also quite illuminating - I guess now we know who always kept throwing his trash over my father's garden fence.

Anyway, Mr. Gährheimer's petty vandalism against my father aside, there are two things that really disturb me. The first, that his party, or he himself, saw the need to invent an obscure informant in order to spread some very badly disguised lies about my party. It surely is not a good sign, when the conservatives have to rely on lies, rather than their political agenda - although lies are amongst their agenda, which would of course be even worse.
It is particularly interesting, that the same man who seems so intent on maintaining a democracy, and so averse to the idea of a monarchy, considers himself a nobleman of some sorts. Indeed, it may be surprising for the Malivians to see, that the man we have come to know as "Gährheimer", is really a Freiherr - a baron, that is. Interesting, is it not, that the man who claims to uphold the republic idea of the people choosing their leaders, is so deeply imbedded, or rather: has himself imbedded so deeply, in a system that promotes the exact opposite, for, as we all know, noblemen are not legitimated by the people's will, but by a monarch, or the Gods themselves.

The second worrying development is that the conservatives are now working together with a party, that has never, since it was founded, bothered to share any information about its goals, its policies, or its members. The only thing we have is a very inconsistent voting line, and a name. And this name, BeerBearer Party, is hardly a reassuring one. If anything, it is associated with the kind of people that get drunk with beer on a very regular basis. And these are the people that now govern Malivia.
My friends, I am worried.



International Politics

Kalopia

Surely, the topic most discussed in this time is the fleeing King of Kalopia. I have to say, I am deeply shocked about the way this king has left his subjects, and is now financing terror from some other place. I sincerely hope that the good KRC will be able to lead their people through this crisis. Their leader, Apellas, seems to be just the right man for this task. My condolences go to the poor people who have lost their beloved ones at the market bombing. I hope that the king will be caught and delivered to justice, and I would wish that Malivia would send help to Kalopia - alas, my party is no longer governing the country.
Eines Tages traf Karl der Große eine alte Frau.
"Guten Tag, alte Frau", sagte Karl der Große.
"Guten Tag, Karl der Große", sagte die alte Frau.
Solche und ähnliche Geschichten erzählt man sich über die Leutseligkeit Karls des Großen.
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Re: Geradschanische Wohlfahrtszeitschrift von Malivia

Postby Leonardo222 » Sat Nov 13, 2010 6:44 pm

It's hung!
The newly elected parliament is just a great mystery

The results:

Wohl.: Seats: 250 (-60 seats)

Beer.: Seats 182 (+68 seats)
Kon.: Seats 168 (-8 seats)

We're ready to speak with the Wohlfahrt Party in order to safeguard a stable government. We are ready to take responsiblity," so the leader of the Konservative Partei, Gerhard Fleck.Image
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Re: Geradschanische Wohlfahrtszeitschrift von Malivia

Postby Amazeroth » Tue Nov 30, 2010 1:48 pm

Conservatives want to declare war to Keymon
Conservatives grossly ignore the constitution

Today, a bill was voted down by the Social Democrats and the Gerajan Welfare Party, by which the Conservatives tried to usher Malivia into war against Keymon. Here is the full text of the bill:

The outrageous attempt of going to war wrote:The head of government and the defence minister has the right to use the army in foreign countries.The state also declares war on Keymon.



This is not only grossly unconstitutional - after all, the Malivian Law of Warfare of 3008, which has become part of the constitution (with the full support of the conservatives), clearly states how Malivia can declare war, and who has the right to use the army in foreign countries - no, it is also a sign of insufferable warmongering. The state of Keymon has never attacked Malivia, and Malivia has no reason to enter the disastrous war that is going on, especially now, since Keymon seems to have been defeated already.
The GWP distances itself strongly from these illegal act of political agression, and condemns this attempted breach of the constitution.
Eines Tages traf Karl der Große eine alte Frau.
"Guten Tag, alte Frau", sagte Karl der Große.
"Guten Tag, Karl der Große", sagte die alte Frau.
Solche und ähnliche Geschichten erzählt man sich über die Leutseligkeit Karls des Großen.
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Re: Geradschanische Wohlfahrtszeitschrift von Malivia

Postby Leonardo222 » Sat Dec 04, 2010 12:48 pm

Highest number of lost working days for 25 years.

This year, over 74 millionen working day will lost by strike, so the spokesman of the Commercial and Industry chamber. Under the last Conservative government it were just 13 mio. days. The shadow conservative minister for economy said, that is is a clear proff for the bad socialist policy of the government in charge. Aside from that, the number of workers in a trade union rose by 12,4% last year to a total of 234 mio. The latest law changes in relation to the power of trade unions might be conntected with that.

Question in the house this morning also was about the asylums from Darnussia. The government is completly confused about that. Meanwhile the Conservative Party invited the party leader of the asylums to his party headquarter."The Conservative Party will give at least 200 persons refuge in Malivia with or without the government acception." so the party leader Gerhard Fleck.
The refugees will bring to local hotels, and their stay will be paid by the Konservative Partei.

Image
(The hotel for the asylums)
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Re: Geradschanische Wohlfahrtszeitschrift von Malivia

Postby Amazeroth » Sun Dec 05, 2010 9:47 pm

Conservatives grow more and more confused


Not only are the conservatives now pulling numbers nobody in the government has ever heard about - strikes in periods of huge betterment of worker's rights? Now, when the government has finally fulfilled wishes the unions have had for years, and which were denied by the then conservative rulers, the workers are more complacent then ever.

However, even if the usual forging of statistics has to be suspected of the party that has come to be known as the party that does everything to be in command, it is worrying that, again, the conservatives forget about Malivian law.

Why, every even remotely educated citizen will ask itself, is it, that the conservatives need information if Darnussian asylums are to be allowed? Malivian law is quite clear about this:

Everyone is permitted to reside permanently in this nation.

That is the original text of a law just made months ago, and, what makes it even more ... delicate, a law that was voted for unanimously - which means, that the conservatives themselves have voted in favour of this.

So what is there to ask? Where is the reason for this confusion? It is hard to say, and, sadly, seems to be another of the numerous internal problems the conservatives seem to face.
Eines Tages traf Karl der Große eine alte Frau.
"Guten Tag, alte Frau", sagte Karl der Große.
"Guten Tag, Karl der Große", sagte die alte Frau.
Solche und ähnliche Geschichten erzählt man sich über die Leutseligkeit Karls des Großen.
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Re: Geradschanische Wohlfahrtszeitschrift von Malivia

Postby Leonardo222 » Mon Dec 06, 2010 5:20 pm

Conservative Party Conference

This week the Conservative Party Conference in Tiggen take place. The Conservatives want to send out a sign of unity and a will to govern. On the first day, the Conservatives voted their Party head as well as the deputy. Gerhard Fleck was uncontested and his vice as well.
The figures are as follows:

Gerhard Fleck 97,7%

His deputy:

Mrs Layland Smith 88,6%

In his victory speech, Mr Fleck said:
"We are ready to govern. We are ready to fight against trade union dictatorship and against a socialist government. Our goal is very simple: To end this government. They must go, because of their incompenetnce. In a law, the Central bank has the duty to publish a report about the inflation and unemployment each year. And instead of doing that or to put pressure on the Central bank nothing happened. This government is a total disaster and we will push them away. Or let's talk about education! The government made it a duty for every schoolchildren to got to school. And now, the classes are overcrowded because this government hasn't invested a single Crown more in education. That is scanalous. This government is dommed once and for ever!"

Image

There were also some decisions on the further devolution of govermental functions and powers. There was also a resolution, that in the future the power of trade unions need to be curbed.

Image
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Re: Geradschanische Wohlfahrtszeitschrift von Malivia

Postby Friedrich » Tue Dec 07, 2010 5:03 pm

Martin Braghoffner: "Government Did Well"

The Sozial Demokraten Malivias (SDM) are proud about the achievements of the SDM-GW Government. Many reforms concerning the labour market, civil rights, education and the economy have passed the Nationalrat. The conservative policies from the past have split our population into "have's and have not's" has been ended. "The SDM and GW were able to work close together in order to reform the nation", SDM's newly elect partyleader, Martin Braghoffner said. "After the next elections we do hope to continue the "good work" and hopefully the electorate trust us to finish our agenda", he continued.

Braghoffner congratulated the re-elected mr.Gerhard Fleck as the Conservative party's partyleader but also made clear that the anti-union rhetoric and policies of the CP will be harmful to the common man. "Darwinism is ok for nature, but not for our people", he ended.
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Re: Geradschanische Wohlfahrtszeitschrift von Malivia

Postby tnowacki » Wed Dec 08, 2010 12:39 pm

1ST SLPD PARTY CONGRESS
Image

Currently, the first party congress of the SLPD is being held in the halls of Serdica, Westland. The election campaign is starting hence, and the SLPD promotes herself as the only liberal party in Malivia. In the morning, head-of-government-candidate Robert Müller was elected officially and undisputed with more than 90 percent of the votes. As it is tradition in the liberal parties of Malivia, the shadow government was also confirmed, Guido Ostwelle thus competing for the Department of State and Clemens Bräuning for the Department of Finances. Below are the results of all positions hitherto elected:

Image

Party chairman: Robert Müller (92,4%)
Second chairman: Natalja Bauer (76,8%)
Secretary General: Clemens Bräuning (92,2%)
Presidential candidate: -secret-

Candidate for the Department of State: Guido Ostwelle (77,8%)
Candidate for the Department of Interior: Stephanie von Eichrodt (94,1%)
Candidate for the Department of Finances: Clemens Bräuning (91,0%)
Candidate for the Department of Defence: Alexander Gross (63,2%)
Candidate for the Department of Justice: Julia Ramin-Schneider (86,5%)
Candidate for the Department of Infrastructure and Transport: Frederic Faupas (69,1%)
Candidate for the Department of Health and Social Services: Lisa Augenthal (81,8%)
Candidate for the Department of Education and Culture: Anette Würming (76,6%)
Candidate for the Department of Science and Technology: Tatjana Weide (85,3%)
Candidate for the Department of Food and Agriculture: Maximilian Schulze (72,8%)
Candidate for the Department of Environment and Tourism: Sebastian Pastorwitz (89,1%)
Candidate for the Department of Trade and Industry: (77,8%)

Chairman of the Gerling Association: Roman Heide (96,4%)
Chairman of the Musland Association: Stephanie von EIchrodt (73,8%)
Chairman of the Westland Association: Robert Müller (84,3%)
Chairman of the Tiggen Association: Melvinius Schwarzenberg (62,9%) [against Alexander Gross (37,7%)]
Chairman of the Reiflingen Association: Nola Eggerich (91,2%)

Surprisingly, the candidate for the Tiggen Association, suggested by the executive, was rejected in favor of parvenu Melvinius Schwarzenberg. It is, however, liberal and in particular federal tradition, that the regional bodies enforce some autonomy.

Probably the most exciting speeches were held by Robert Müller and his close partner, Clemens Bräuning. Both emphasized the importance of an free market but also of social security. The ecology was only an minor theme for the party is strongly divided in a socialliberal, green wing and a neo-conservative, economical wing. That fact also explains the bad results for Alexander Gross and Frederic Fauxpas, who both positioned on a relatively extreme position in favor or against socioliberal politics, respectively. Gross experienced a big defeat and he is likely to dismiss after the election, if the results will not bring an landslide.

Noone approached the listeners about future coalitions and tactics, but the goal the SLPD set is about 20 per cent.
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