Valruzia

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Re: Valruzian Media Syndicate

Postby LukasV » Fri Nov 16, 2012 9:12 pm

Go for it. I've need to make improvements to the wiki stuff anyways.
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Re: Valruzian Media Syndicate

Postby EEL123 » Fri Nov 16, 2012 9:55 pm

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Re: Valruzian Media Syndicate

Postby LukasV » Sun Nov 18, 2012 8:57 pm

The Mouth of Valruzia (MoV) - November 15th, 3397
Valruzia Calls Foreign Newspapers "Bullshit"
Story By: Aleks Junikow, Political Satirist
Image
The National Union For Foreign Bullshit (NUFF-BS) has its meter going off the charts.

-Białograd, Wielkowalruzja

According to studies and observations made by the National Union For Foreign Bullshit, or NUFF-BS, the amount of bullshit in foreign newspapers about their elections or party candidates has reached unprecedented levels, threatening to alter the intelligence level of the average global citizen to that of a mindless zombie. Scientists believe that if this level of bullshit is not dropped to a moderately appropriate level in which the average global citizen can "give a shit", we may be exposed to a zombie epidemic of unparalleled proportions.

An interview with a local resident regarding the global bullshit status was taken shortly after NUFF-BS's report was released. When asked about her thoughts on the growing number of articles in foreign papers describing party changes, candidate rallies, and foreign elections, the woman responded:
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Re: The Mouth of Valruzia

Postby LukasV » Tue Nov 20, 2012 3:17 pm

The Mouth of Valruzia (MoV) - September 29th, 3398
Valruzia Satisfied with Third Place
Story By: Damian Fedarowski, Sports Columnist
Image
Kizenia takes the World Cup with an undefeated campaign.

-Białograd, Wielkowalruzja

Hopes were high for the Valruzian National Football Squad, which were dispatched to the 3398 Football World Cup in the hopes of taking the tournament by storm. However, despite a very strong start to the the tournament and a top-of-the-group finish, the "Black and Blues" were unable to secure the World Cup, falling victim to a semifinal penalty shootout against Kizenia. Ultimately, we were able to grab Third Place from a very tight match against Beiteynu, while Kizenia proceeded to wipe the floor with Keymon, taking the World Cup title.

WZPN Spokesman Marcin Piszczek stated that while Valruzia should have been expected to grab the title this year, Third Place is still an honorable finish, if compared to all other nations. He went on to say that Valruzia will be back in 7 years to take the title from Kizenia, and that this goal will further fuel our national pride.

Valruzia is currently ranked #3 on the world's football ranking, behind Kizenia and Keymon.
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Re: Valruzian Media Syndicate

Postby LukasV » Thu Nov 22, 2012 7:45 pm

Valruzian Media Syndicate - October 17th, 3399
Smoking Tobacco Banned in Valruzia
Story By: Jakub Divieno
Image
Smoking is now illegal on Valruzian soil.

-Białograd, Wielkowalruzja

With the large comprehensive bill that the Imperial Valruzia High Command has recently proposed in the Imperial Senate, smoking will become a thing of the past in the world's largest nation.

Several years ago, the legislative body banned all tobacco products from being imported or sold in the nation, with the exception of Valruzian tobacco exports. With the newly proposed legislation, all tobacco-smoking activities will become illegal, regardless if it's on public or private property. The use of medicinal marijuana and similar substances will still be available to citizens through government-controlled sales.

Health Minister Martyna Dysowska proclaims that this will be the start of a golden era of health and prosperity in Valruzia, stating that Valruzians have a right to clean air that is free of pollutants, and that this bill is a step in the right direction.

Similarly, Valruzia has cut down on its dependence on gas- and coal-operated power plants, noting that it will switch over to clean energy, such as renewable and nuclear.
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Re: The Mouth of Valruzia

Postby LukasV » Sat Nov 24, 2012 6:08 pm

Valruzian Media Syndicate - September 4th, 3400
Valruzia Disappoints Again
Story By: Damian Fedarowski, Sports Columnist
Image
A disappointed Sebastian Szłajn-Sztajgar laments yet another loss for Valruzia.

-Białograd, Wielkowalruzja

Another downtrodden Valruzia squad returned to the capital today, after finishing as finalists in the USFA Seleyan Championships, taking a final defeat to new champions Tukarali. After finishing first in their group ahead of Mordusia and hosts Likatonia, it seemed that the Seleyan Cup was within reach. Even during the final, Valruzia were up 2:1 until the 71st minute, only to concede a goal and a disputed handball penalty by the end of the game.

"Our form fell apart, and we couldn't hit back," said a distraught Sebastian Szłajn-Sztajgar, a center midfielder for the Valruzian squad. "After we took the lead in the second half, I think it got to our heads, and we couldn't get ourselves back in the winning zone."

This is the second time in two years that Valruzia has finished within the Final Three in all international competitions, having also finished Third in the World Cup held in Keymon in 3398. Following this tournament, an international ranking of nations will be released based on observations from competitions. Valruzia currently ranks third in the world, behind Keymon and Kizenia. Tukarali are currently ranked fifth, behind Beiteynu.
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Re: Valruzian Media Syndicate

Postby LukasV » Tue Nov 27, 2012 11:04 am

Valruzian Media Syndicate - March 2nd, 3402
Taxes on the Rise
Story By: Tomasz Gerik
Image
As taxes rise, more and more corporations are having difficulty finding ground in Valruzia.

-Białograd, Wielkowalruzja

Businesses are having a very tough time gaining ground in Valruzia, as taxes were increased for both the corporate and public sector, raising percent taxation to 67% for corporations (from a previous 51%), and essentials tax (now dubbed the Empire Tax) to 5% (from a previous 0%). While small business owners may learn to live with the new tax, the viability of large multi-national corporations in Valruzia has a limited lifespan. With the minimum wage increases over the past few decades, many foreign companies that have outsourced to Valruzia in the past have now vacated the nation in search of cheaper labour.

Finance minister Piotr Duszowicz stated that these increases are necessary if Valruzia is to compete with nations on a global scale. Having the 18th largest GDP in the world, Valruzia has a very moderate economy, but pundits in the nation believe that we can do better.
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Re: Valruzian Media Syndicate

Postby LukasV » Tue Nov 27, 2012 1:42 pm

Valruzian Media Syndicate - March18th, 3402
Navy to Start Exercises on Dovani West Coast
Story By: Tomasz Gerik
Image
The new HIMS Brony sails for its first test with the fleet.

-Relonanki, Wielkowalruzja

With the rising international tensions due to general political unrest in the world, the Valruzian Armed Forces has decided to undertake a military exercise west of a Luthori-controlled colony in Dovani. Grand Admiral Maksymilian Weres will be leading a large number of fully-staffed and -armed Valruzian warship on a week-long journey around the northern tip of Seleya, around the Kalistani island of Ananto, making only a Brief stop for rest and supplies in Indrala, before reaching the rendez-vous point off the coast of southern Talmoria.

While the timing and reasoning behind this large show of force seem highly suspicious, we are informed that the fleet will be accompanied by a fully-outfitted duo of aircraft carriers, as well as a large number of military personnel on board that are non-essentials to the functioning of the naval vessels. It has also been published by the department of defense that among the vessels joining the fleet will be 4 nuclear-capable vessels, armed provisionally with what the department assures are not weapons of mass destruction.

Casual boaters and shipping lines are warned to stay clear of the fleet movements, as a precautionary measure of personal safety.
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Re: Valruzian Media Syndicate

Postby LukasV » Tue Nov 27, 2012 5:11 pm

Valruzian Media Syndicate - March 25th, 3402
Dovani Colonization Attracts Valruzian Attention
Story By: Bartosz Bielak
Image
Grand Vizier Krzysztof Wada ponders the possibility of purchasing territory in Dovani.

-Białograd, Wielkowalruzja

After leaving it for some time on the back burner, it seems that the concepts of expansionism and colonization have once again resurfaced in the Valruzian political scene, increasingly becoming a focus of discussion and possibility. And with the current state of the Decolonization crisis in Dovani, there may not be any better opportunity to grab some of the spoils.

In the past, requests and offers have been made to several nations regarding the state of the colonies, and the possible purchase of new territory, but none were met with much interest, generally because of selfish and greedy bureaucrats who wish to support their political career on the most trivial of things. However, time changes many things, as it has managed to change the current political landscape of Dovani. Perhaps it's time to live by the adage "Better Late than Never."

With the Finance Minister abroad, the Foreign Minister on sick leave, and the Minister of Defense planning to conduct a vast training exercise off East of Seleya, the gears to get this plan into motion are virtually immovable. However, it is known at this point in time that a purchase offer will be made to Luthori in the coming days for the purchase of land in any of their Dovani colonies. Additionally, there is talk of the possibility of purchasing Tropica from Luthori as well, but this is currently just speculation.
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Re: Valruzian Media Syndicate

Postby LukasV » Tue Nov 27, 2012 11:25 pm

Valruzian Media Syndicate -June 1st, 3402
Diplomatic Ties to Deltaria Severed
Story By: Adam Berej, Foreign Correspondent
Image
The Valruzian Ambassador in Deltaria has been recalled due to rising violence and anti-Valruzia protests.

-Naban, Alazinder, Deltaria

Violent protests took to the streets in response to Valruzia's Foreign Minister's statement on the absurdity of the Deltarian Blue Shirt Movement, which condemned the violence with threats of retribution should it impact Valruzian interests. The protesters proceeded to assault local businesses and police with projectiles in retaliation, seemingly wanting to edge on the Valruzian government into intervening. While no movements have been made on the Valruzian Embassy as of yet, the Ambassador, Katalina Symczyk, as well as all her staff, has evacuated the area and has promptly boarded a flight back home, where she will remain until the violence subsides.

In a press conference earlier today, Foreign Minister Jan Rutkowski extended his condolences to the Deltarians harmed in this instance, but did not apologize for his statement.
Foreign Minister Jan Rutkowski wrote:In this global game of politics, there are no "take-backs". In essence, I suppose it was somewhat of a hollow threat, but I do believe that if their so-called movement were to interfere with Valruzia's dealings with Deltaria on an economic or military level, you can bet on it that we would not take this sort of thing lightly. [...] At this time, we [the Valruzian Government] do not recognize the Deltarian Blue Shirts Movement as a legitimate and proactive body. Furthermore, we condemn their actions in Deltaria and hope for their swift dissolution so that all of Deltaria does not suffer for the vain ambitions of a few individuals. [...] Stupid people will do stupid things. If they [the DBSM] wanted to get riled up over a show of support on our behalf for the current Deltarian administration, then that's their perogative. It baffles me as to how moronic their [the DBSM] support structure is, if they decided to order a retaliation against their own people instead of actually targeting Valruzians or the Valruzian media. Not that I'd like it that way, of course.

Defense secretary Adam Juńczyk has issued a high risk status on Deltaria, and urges all government personnel to withdraw from the nation should more violence erupt. The Minister of Tourism, Aneta Bouillard, has issued a cancellation of all flights to Deltaria, and urges citizens to avoid the nation until this situation blows over.
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