Kafuristan

[Auditorii]

ASIM claims world-wide terrorist attacks

[Rogue]

Aldegar to establish military presence in Kafuri desert to combat ASIM

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Kafuri Majatran News Agency
Kafuri government continues crackdown on ASIK and welcomes Aldegar
January, 4656

al-Kasraj, Abi'nadi - Minister of Defense Katheer el-Azer welcomed the arrival of Aldegarian troops to Kafuristan, where they will be stationed in the heart of Kafuristan, in Pabeus. One note, however, was the Minister of Defense correcting the Aldegarian government's original statement. "The Ahmadi State in Majatra has a very limited presence in Kafuristan, it is largely in southern Majatra. The Ahmadi State in Kafuristan has operated in Kafuristan, to limited effect." The Minister of Defense corrected the obvious gaffe. While the arrival of Aldegarian troops has stirred some nationalist, the Ba'athist were quick to put the elite Republican Guard with them to ensure that they respected local laws, traditions and understood that their mission was to be limited in Kafuristan to assisting the Kafuri forces in their mission to strike against ASIK. The General Intelligence Directorate, one of the most feared and reputed intelligence agencies in Majatran, has also placed members of the Special Service Unit with the Aldegarian troops. Following the terrorist attacks in December, 4653, the Kafuri security and intelligence apparatus quickly took the situation under control. Members of the Republican Guard and its security directorate secured the capital.

[Auditorii]

Kafuri Majatran News Agency
ASIK leader captured and hung
Februrary, 4663

Anraq, Pabeus - Kafuri militia’s today in Pabeus hoisted suspected Ahmadi State in Kafuristan leader Talha al-Sawaya in the town square of Andaq, a small city in southern Pabeus. The militia, known as the “People’s Popular Militia” is sanctioned by the Ministry of the Interior and is, according to the Ba’athist Branch Secretary of Pabeus, Tawfeeq al-Darwish, a “…loyal militia to the Ba’athist throughout Majatra.” The ASIK leader was captured and hung as he fled a combined force of Aldegarian military forces in the heart of Kafuristan’s dangerous Salimr Desert where ASIK operated due to their close ties to many tribal forces that refused to join the Kafuri Border Force. The death of the ASIK leader in Kafuristan is to be lauded as ASIK, considered to be the more dangerous off-shoot of ASIM, the Ahmadi State in Majatra, which has conducted a number of foreign terrorist attacks across the globe.

President al-Sadhi welcomed the news and stated that the leadership of the “People’s Popular Militia” would be invited to the Presidential Palace to meet and greet with the Ba’athist leadership. Shortly after the announcement of the news, the Director of the General Intelligence Directorate relayed brief information about the ultimate capture and raid that flushed out the ASIK leader. In al-Kasraj, banners and pamphlets were handed out and hung up celebrating President al-Sadhi as the leader of the raid and pictured him in his Field Marshal, 1st Class uniform.

[Pragma]

Kafuri Majatran News Agency
General Proclaims New National Government
November, 4757

al-Kasraj, Abi'nadi - After seventeen years without a strong central government, General Ashqar el-Kader has proclaimed a new national government from the capital of al-Kasraj. Having convened with former military leaders and local government officials, the general has now stated publicly that an agreement has been reached to bring back a governing authority in the capital, with institutional support - especially from the armed forces.

For seventeen years, Kafuristan has mostly been governed by local leaders in tandem with former generals who would act as their military police. General el-Kader was among the most prominent of these, providing law and order to the area surrounding the city of Sathea in Jerze'har. Having secured numerous alliances across the country's northern half, the general has now used his influence to reestablish a national government centred in al-Kasraj. Upon the final ratification of the document he has worked on, public services will become functional again within the year - including a civilian police force and educational facilities.

General el-Kader has been greeted warmly by the population in al-Kasraj, an area much less effected by the recent quasi-anarchy. He has taken many selfies with adoring fans, as well as making a series of speeches from the steps of the presidential palace. It is expected that he will run in and win the presidential election unopposed.

[Pragma]

Kafuri Majatran News Agency
New Constitution To Be Ratified Soon
December 4757

al-Kasraj, Abi'nadi - After the triumphant election victory of al-Watan, the new constitution of al-Qalb has been unveiled to the public. Perhaps most importantly, as thanks for His service in uniting and healing the nation after decades of powerlessness, the most gracious General Ashqar (salaa allah ealayh wasalam) will now be proclaimed as Sultan of al-Qalb. He will henceforth be known as Sultan Ashqar (salaa allah ealayh wasalam), and will have the power to bestow land upon His most loyal subjects and noble titles upon the greatest of His citizens. As a firm believer in earning things, the Sultan (salaa allah ealayh wasalam) has announced nobility will not hereditary, but will righteously confer certain powers.

The new constitution also contains several articles that reinforce the patriotism of Sultan Ashqar (salaa allah ealayh wasalam), including making the citizenship of the nation exclusive to only the most deserving and rightfully loyal subjects of the Sultan (salaa allah ealayh wasalam). He will also maintain accurate data on the religion and ethnicity of His subjects, to ensure maximally accurate representation of all of His most esteemed subjects. Indeed, as a great progressive and moderniser, the Sultan (salaa allah ealayh wasalam) has appointed three members of the minority Irqebal tribe, which His gracious mother was from, to positions of influence with His most loyal and exemplary cabinet. He has even allowed a woman to head the nation's Education and Culture ministry - a former teacher with whom Sultan Ashqar (salaa allah ealayh wasalam) holds much confidence - a veritable sign of His forward-thinking ways.

With such strong and effective leadership, the future of al-Qalb is certainly secure and looking brighter and brighter. His most gracious majesty, the Sultan (salaa allah ealayh wasalam), will soon be embarking upon diplomatic efforts as His most loyal minister Subhi al-Sham continues the great number of internal improvements the Sultan (salaa allah ealayh wasalam) plans upon ensuring, for the good of all of His subjects.

الله أكبر ويفضل السلطان

[Pragma]

Official Kafuri News Agency
Mighty Sultan Continues Great Reforms
August 4758

al-Kasraj, Abi'nadi - His Holiness the Sultan (salaa allah ealayh wasalam) has continued with His most benevolent reforms to our great nation. In particular, He is working with His most honourable and loyal minister, Dardana Zogu, to improve the quality of education in our nation and the cultural richness of our peoples. Having already heroicly stabilised the country with His strong and steady hand, the Sultan (salaa allah ealayh wasalam) and Minister Zogu have started the process of reforming various internal affairs systems to ensure maximum efficiency and optimal results for His most loyal subjects.

Future plan include the reform of education, healthcare, agriculture and media to ensure that only truth is taught and all know the rightful and appreciated places they hold within our national community. Minister Zogu has been most helpful to His supreme will. Indeed, the future of Kafuristan looks increasingly secure thanks to their fine leadership. As the nation continues to change, we implore our readership to support our great Sultan (salaa allah ealayh wasalam). All help will be appreciated by His Majesty, and you will be of course be rewarded if you make truly heroic efforts to improve your community in His name. As is His will.

الله أكبر ويفضل السلطان

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Free Kafuri News Agency
Tyrant General Presses Ahead With Reforms
August 4758

al-Kasraj, Abi'nadi - The despised pretender Ashqar el-Kader has stormed forward with his repressive reforms, which threaten the personal liberties of the average citizen of our great nation. He is collaborating in particular with the vile temptress Dardana Zogu, an Irqebal witch who seeks to turn our nation away from the Prophet (salaa allah ealayh wasalam) and towards occult mysticism. Having already disgustingly ripped up the constitution, putting his lackeys in key positions of power, the foul tyrant has now set his sights upon repressive social restrictions and suppression of dissenting media.

After stripping the common folk of their citizenry, this devil and his foreign witch now reportedly plan to destroy what little remains of independent media to ensure only his version of events is heard. He also seeks to deprive the common farmer of his rights and even his land, which would also strip him of citizenship under the new laws. While the army might be strong, we as the people of Kafuristan must take a stand against this tyranny. We at the Free Kafuri News Agency implore you to protect. It is better to be arrested protesting your rights than to have them stripped away without a fight!

الله يفضّل الحقيقة

[Pragma]

Official Kafuri News Agency
Sultan Defeats Terrorists, Brings Peace To The Nation Again

al-Kasraj, Abi'nadi - His Holiness the Sultan (salaa allah ealayh wasalam) has vanquished a terrorist group plotting to overthrow the government. The plotters assembled close to the palace of the Sultan (salaa allah ealayh wasalam), screaming foul things and frightening the children and women of the capital. His Majesty's most loyal forces were able to quickly respond to the rapidly worsening situation with apt strength and fortitude, dispersing the crowd and making arrests of the most violent and unhinged of these terrorists. Upon their person was later found weapons, strong alcohols and terrifying hallucinogens.

Thanks to the excellent work of our law enforcement, whom will soon receive greatly increased funding to help quell further terrorist incursions, the people of the capital are now safe again. Work continues on finding who was responsible for these terrible events, but all of the Sultan's most loyal subjects can rest assured that nobody is above the law of our land and those responsible will be arrested, tried and hanged as they deserve.

الله أكبر ويفضل السلطان

Free Kafuri News Agency
Tyrant Attacks His Own People

al-Kasraj, Abi'nadi - The despised pretender Ashqar el-Kader has turned upon the very people he claims to rule, sending his military police in to brutalise protesters. While chanting for their freedoms, a group of mostly students was savagely beaten and then had evidence planted upon them to make the actions of these roughians seems justifiable. In fact, the protest was entirely peaceful and was no threat to anybody. This is yet another sign of the increasingly tyrannical hold that the so-called Sultan has on the capital in particular but also on the nation at large.

We are unsure why the government would direct its power against an unarmed and peaceful group, considering it is in such a blatant contrast to their propaganda. Some among us here at FKNA have suggested that the she-devil Dardana Zogu had convinced him to increase his brutal repression of the people. Indeed, there have been rumours among anti-government groups that she plans to turf out the native Kafuris and replace them with her rabid and savage tribal friends, who breed like rabbits and pray to dark gods counter to our own. What is certain, however, is that we must not give up the fight for our homeland! Stand opposed, comrades, to tyranny and the tribal menace!

الله يفضّل الحقيقة

[Pragma]

Official Kafuri News Agency
Sultan Roots Out Terrorists Within Government

al-Kasraj, Abi'nadi - His Holiness the Sultan (salaa allah ealayh wasalam) has successfully rooted out the snakes in the garden, uncovering a vast anti-Kafuri conspiracy in the halls of power. Most notably, the foul traitor Subhi al-Sham - who has betrayed the trust of the Sultan - was caught as a key plotter from his position as Prime Minister. This shameful treachery was repaid with apt interest, of course, as our merciful Sultan (salaa allah ealayh wasalam) relieved Mr. al-Sham of his troublesome head. Such punishment was also met by twelve other conspirators, most of whom were senior bureaucrats within the administration.

Why exactly these bastards would wish to attack a leader who is doing such good by his subjects, we may never know. However, it is reasonable to imagine that the Yeudis were involved, as they so often are in conspiracies and foul plotting. In order to fit the nation with steady and loyal leadership, Minister Zogu has been assigned the task of heading the cabinet and the legislature. Her fair and just hand has been experienced by the people of Kafuristan for many a year since the assent of our Sultan (salaa allah ealayh wasalam), and she will no doubt prove a worthy Prime Minsiter.

With the garden clear of snakes, the Sultan (salaa allah ealayh wasalam) can focus on his benevolent internal policy agenda. Having massively increased the budget of our great nation for education, healthcare and the police, be safe in the knowledge that things are getting better for our nation because of our grand leadership. The fighter of all good fights (salaa allah ealayh wasalam) will never rest while people in his nation suffer. He sees all, and he feels for all of his underappreciated subjects. They will get what they deserve before they know it.

الله أكبر ويفضل السلطان

Free Kafuri News Agency
Tyrant Kills Own Supporters, She-Devil Gets Promotion

al-Kasraj, Abi'nadi - As if this tyrannical government could not get any more absurd, the mad general Ashqar el-Kader has now starting killing his own people, including the Prime Minister. Subhi al-Sham was beheaded in the public square by our monstrous dictator, who accused him of counterrevolution, treachery and deceit to the Sultan. Having foolishly agreed to side with his most dreadful liege - no doubt for his own political advancement - the fool now finds his head among those impaled upon the royal palace ramparts.

Perhaps most concerning, however, is that this poor idiot has been replaced in his role as head of government by the vile witch Dardana Zogu, an Irqebal monster. This horrid woman has climbed the greasy pole of power in al-Kasraj using her dark magic. She is a tribal woman of the very gypsies who raid the countryside with the so-called Sultan's permission, but this is no shock since the Sultan himself is in fact half-Irqebal. We at FKNA worry about the increasing presence of this Siphinan menace in our lands, and we encourage all our readers and listeners to look to defend themselves from these horrible people.

الله يفضّل الحقيقة

[Pragma]

Official Kafuri News Agency
Mighty Sultan Confirms Air Superiority Program

al-Kasraj, Abi'nadi - The merciful yet mighty Sultan (salaa allah ealayh wasalam) has today announced a new and grand program to maintain Kafruistan's air superiority in the region, with the Qadirid Military Authority confirming plans to invest in the doubling of the nation's air force. Dozens of new fighters will be produced to ensure the Sultan's continued internal development program is preserved and not infringed upon by foreign interferers.

36 brand new aircraft are to be produced after a generous offer from the nation's top aerospace professionals to work overtime, without any unnecessary extra pay, to ensure the security of the land, the sea and indeed the air of our great nation. The Sultan (salaa allah ealayh wasalam) thanks them greatly for their entirely unprompted generosity. Furthermore, resources requisitioned from treacherous industrialists and untrustworthy manufacturers involved in counterrevolutionary plots have most superbly improved our country's ability to produce these aircraft. The most Sultan-loyal and pious Prime Minister Dardana Zogu has spearheaded these national defence efforts, and has as thanks been gifted the title of Field Marshal.

الله أكبر ويفضل السلطان