Barmenistan

[freelibertarian]

Libertarian Catholic Party National Convention

March 2956: The Libertarian Catholic Party conducted a week long national convention in Royalsborough, Barmenia where delegates came to reaffirm platform issues, appoint individuals to leadership positions, and to persuade the Barmenian people to elect the government to another six year term. The convention was under heavy security as high ranking cabinet officials and all but a few Grand Assembly Senators showed up. The convention was held on live time television where Barmenians were able to access all the speeches and political analysis by pundits.


LCP National Convention

Monday

On the first day of the convention, cabinet members Ivar Roberts, Stephan Smith, Terrance Madison, and Andrew Harris spoke at the convention. Cabinet Minister of the Environment and Tourism Andrew Harris was the first to speak.

During our time in office, we have improved the environment which had suffered severe neglect by previous administrations. We built upon the success of the last administration and soon Barmenia will be just as beautiful as Selucian beaches and parks. Tourism has increased with our new and improved ties with Selucia.

Terrance Madison of the Science and Technology ministry spoke of new patents and ever increasing military advances due to increased funds to the defense department. Stephan Smith of the Finance Ministry spoke of the new budget which allows for a surplus and a radical increase in defense spending.

We are secure and safe in our homes and in our wallets.

However, it was Ivar Roberts who stole the show with his foreign policy address to the nation.

The Foreign Affairs Ministry has worked hard to solidify ties between Barmenia and Selucia. We continue to have a close bond with Selucia through the Brotherhood treaty and through the Selucian Monarchy. While this may be self evident, what is not is the foreign affairs ministry's work on the Majatran Union. We have successfully written a treaty that will bring the Majatran continent together under one currency, one defense pact, and under one government. With the creation of the Majatran Union, there will be permanent peace among all nations signed to this treaty.

Foreign Affairs Minister Ivar Roberts


(Left) Ivar Roberts and (Right) Alice W. Marshall

Tuesday

On Tuesday, the five Libertarian Catholic Governors of Barmenia spoke at length on how they have reformed state governments since elected in 2952. Local officials also spoke on their progress in each of the states. Illegal immigration and border security were the top concerns for three of the Governors who border foreign nations especially Yishelem.

Wednesday

Wednesday, Grand Assembly Senators spoke at great lengths their legislative accomplishments and their commitment to pro-capitalist economics and libertarian social policy. The Premier Jacob C. Kennedy, although from a different party was given a standing ovation at the convention. The LCP Convention gave the Premier a vote of confidence in his leadership.

Thursday

The next day, the LCP Convention hosted Queen's Regent Peter L. Marshall who gave a state of the union address to the delegates:

So much has changed since we have come to power here. We were foreigners, outsiders, a party with no power or influence and now we are the official government of Barmenia. I have kept our nation independent of the Internationalist Monarchist League while reaching out to friendly nations in Majatra. The record has shown my commitment to Libertarian ideals in domestic policy. But a Head of State must first keep the citizens safe. My administration did just that by safeguarding the lives and property of many Barmenians trapped in the Yishelem Civil War. My administration is working to create the Majatran Union which will be functional by the end of my term. Our record is one of modernization; we have created state governors, a Supreme Court, a top notch foreign policy team, and we have created a professional team of historians to make sure every detail of Barmenian society is recorded so that future generations may look upon us and come to understand our dream. I am pleased to present my successor for the chairmanship of the Libertarian Catholic Party: Alexander C. Fleming.

Queen's Regent Peter L. Marshall

Alexander C. Fleming is a Grand Assembly Senator and a high ranking official in the Libertarian Catholic Party. His rise to chairmanship and successor to Peter L. Marshall is not surprising. The Senator has high name recognition among Barmenians and is known for high levels of charisma surpassing even that of Marshall.

Eight more years, eight more years!

Alexander C. Fleming

Friday

On the last day of the convention, the Queen herself came to address the convention. At the age of 9, the Queen was dressed professionally and was very articulate as she gave a short address to the convention. Although Monarchs are normally politically independent, Queen Rebeca I decided to give her support to the LCP government and her thanks to the Conservative Democratic Party cabinet members present. After her speech, the convention gave her a powerful standing ovation.

I never knew I had the power to stir the Internationalist Monarchist League into such a frenzy at the mere age of seven. Imagine what I can do when I am all grown up. In the meantime, trust in my elected Regent to do what is best for Barmenia.

Queen Rebeca I

Queen Rebeca I with two suited Royal Guards and two Senators

[Aquinas]

The Barmenian Gazette is the Feline Homeland of Barmenia's most popular national newspaper and also serves a large overseas readership.

[Aquinas]

September 3137
Ancient Cat Temple unearthed in Sisula

Last night the Minister of Culture announced that the site of the foundations of a massive ancient Cat Temple, possibly the largest ever found, is being excavated by a team of archaeological experts attached to the National Cat Museum. We can reveal that the find was made in Sisula, although we are prohibited from revealing the precise location because officials fear this could lead to the dig area being target by criminal elements. The team is believed to have found a temple structure dating back between 10,000 and 15,000 years, a large collection of mummified cats and a variety of religious artifacts, including an altar in the shape of a mother cat feeding her kittens.

Jonathan Rochford, High Priest of the Cult of the Sacred Feline, said: "This is fantastic news and we are all incredibly excited. Discoveries like these prove in the most dramatic and visible way that that Felinism is the natural religion of mankind, the pure original religion which existed before corruptions set in."

Professor Alan Whitehouse of the University of Arakhim sounded a more cautious note: "As a historian I am of course delighted by this discovery, which adds to the contents of historical knowledge, but I must express my concern about the direction in which my profession seems headed. University departments, archaeologists, school history teachers and others are disproportionately focussing on a very narrow period in ancient Barmenian history when the cat was venerated. Other areas are being grossly neglected. In my own field it is near impossible to get funding for anything not connected to cat worship these days. There is clearly a determined political and religious agenda at work. I also question the propaganda which is being promoted about ancient cat worship. Undoubtedly there was a religious cult of the cat but was it quite the kind of religion we are being told it was? The cat was venerated, but this was not to the exclusion of other deities which were being worshipped at the time. Religious belief was very malleable during this period."

Professor Brian Greenspan, another historian at the University of Arakhim, did not share the views of his colleague: "Alan's views still persist amongst his generation of historians, but they do not represent the informed, consensus view of the academic profession. We have heard all this stuff so many times before, but it just doesn't stand up to real scrutiny."

Barmenia's Head of Government, the Chief Servant of the Cats Jessica Rochford, said: "This is a great day for Barmenia and indeed for all of Terra. We hope to put the artifacts on public display as soon as possible. Previous generations of Barmenians have missed out on this, but ours will have the privilege, as will those that follow us."

[Aquinas]

June 3138
Government rocked by asylum row

Barmenia's political establishment faced a wave of popular protest yesterday as citizens jammed radio talkshows to raise questions about Rosalyn Cranmer's controversial aslyum case.

"This woman has convictions for prostitution and drug-dealing," said Ed Stothard of anti-immigration pressure group NumberCounters. "She is not being persecuted or threatened in any way - and yet we're giving her refugee status because her neighbour has a dog? This country has well and truly lost control of its borders."

The Minister for Internal Affairs rejected the criticisms: "Barmenia is a Feline Homeland, we all know and accept that. Every cat in Terra is automatically a Barmenian citizen with a right to residence in our country. In this case, a cat living abroad was distressed because a dog which barks a lot moved in next door. The cat is entitled to move to Barmenia, and the tribunal ruled that Rosalyn Cranmer needed to be offered residence here as well since the cat might otherwise suffer psychological distress caused by separation from her human companion."

Asked about Cranmer's criminal record, the Minister replied that she had an eleven-month clean record and deserved a second chance for the sake of her cat. He added that Cranmer is being awarded a temporary right of residence rather than citizenship: "If she misbehaves, she's out, but if she plays by the rules she can hope to be granted citizenship status after 10 years."

Sources within the Sacred Feline Alliance informed us that the party has been taken aback by the scale of the indignation in response to the case, and concerns are growing about a proposed march of protest in Bubastis which is being organised by NumberCounters and other groups.

[Aquinas]

March 3139
Shock discovery at dig site horrifies cat worshippers

Barmenians are in shock this morning as details emerge of an ancient spellbook dug up by an archaeological expedition in Sisula. The spellbook apparently includes a spell to be recited by temple priestesses whilst they drown cats to death in decorated religious fonts or basins. Experts made the find at the earlier-reported-upon site of the foundations of a massive ancient Cat Temple.

Mabel Isabel Stewart of the St. Gertrude's Townswomen's Guild said: "This is a vile little document, it is evil, evil, evil. They'd bloody well not be planning to put it in some posh fancy museum somewhere and then blowing billions of taxpayers money on looking after it. This is sacrilege, it is an offence to all cats and cat worshippers. As soon as they knew what this disgusting thing was they should have burnt it, and their failure to do this may have unleashed a powerful curse. These so-called know-all experts don't understand the forces they are playing with, mark my words."

Professor Alan Whitehead from the University of Arakhim said: "Many of us expected something like this to turn up sooner or later. In ancient times these Cat Temples were over-run with moggies and they didn't have modern animal sterilisation techniques. What would they do when the numbers became too much? I suspect the answer is that there existed religiously sanctioned and ritualised methods of culling the excess population. The bodies were then mummified and either stored in consecrated tombs or sold to pilgrims."

His colleague Professor Brian Greenspan offered another view: "The spell was recited whilst immersing in water the bodies of cats who had already died of natural causes. This was a funeral rite symbolising the rebirth of the cat's spirit into the next world."

Jonathan Rochford, High Priest of the Cult of the Sacred Feline, sounded unperturbed by the discovery: "The jury is still out on what exactly this spellbook is and how it was used. These suggestions being put forward about drowning cats are speculative and haven't been fully investigated, but if they do bear out then I for one would not be unduly surprised. We already know that cats have been poorly treated through much of human history. We already know that the original religion of mankind was cat worship. We already know that the original, pure and true religion was later corrupted by fallible humans who were not in tune with the Feline Divinity. So if what we have here is an ancient Cat Temple where sacrilegious rites were carried out, then that is an interesting detail, but not a big suprise. In actual fact, it proves the historical version of events which the Sacred Cult has been teaching all along."

Intensive work is currently go on to restore and analyse the spellbook, but no decision has been taken as yet as to its final destination. Insiders inform us that the authorities are keeping its location a secret and are unlikely to put it on public display for fear that it might be targeted by radical groups who want it destroyed.

[Aquinas]

March 3140
"It is the cats you are marching against" Jessica Rochford tells protesters

Jessica Rochford, Leader of the Sacred Feline Alliance, turned up in person yesterday to denounce anti-immigration group NumberCounters and their organised march in Bubastis to protest against the granting of asylum to Rosalyn Cranmer. Her personal appearance stunned the assembled marchers, who saw her bravely take the stand on a small wooden platform surrounded by angry NumberCounters supporters, with no bodyguards or nearby police presence. "It is the cats you are marching against," she told the crowd. "What you are doing here threatens the founding principles of the Feline Homeland which we fought so hard to achieve. Why dont you think about that poor cat which has fled from oppression and is now living in a foreign land? Who are you to deny her the companionship of the only human she really trusts?"

A shocked silence followed her speech, then demonstrators dropped their placards, stopped chanting and headed home with their heads faced down. NumberCounters leader Ed Stothard pleaded with the crowd not to desert, but his cause was hopeless, and even some of his committee members joined the droves heading home. He refused emotional entreaties to cancel the march, but by the time time the remaining marchers had reached their planned central rallying point in Central Bubastis Park they constituted a drastically-reduced and miserable-looking band.

Ed Stothard refused to be interviewed but his deputy Ted Franks told us, "This is all your fault, this is all because of people like you in the pro-immigrant media controlling what everybody thinks and I'm f***ing sick of it you journalist scumbag now why don't you clear off." Franks then attempted to seize our photographer's camera as he took photos of dejected marchers returning home, and continued: "You lying Barmenian Gazette, you're photographing things that aren't happening, why don't you just f*** off? You media don't care about us ordinary people. All you do is shove sex, violence and bad language down the throats of our kids."

None of those we approached who deserted the march were prepared to give us their full names, but this comment from one man was typical: "I'm so ashamed. I don't know what we were all doing here."

[Aquinas]

December 3140
Catholic priest faces pressure to stand down

The newly-installed priest in charge of St. Mary Magdalene Church in Korat has triggered a national controversy with his program of radical reforms. Father Christoph Dacre used his first Sunday sermon to warn against "the incompatibility of orthodox Catholicism with cat worship" and dramatically announced the removal of cat-related items from inside the church. Congregants are said to be especially distressed by the taking down of a painting depicting the Virgin and the Christ child as a mother cat with her kitten, and the disappearance of an ornate set of cat-shaped silver candle-holders.

Father Dacre said: "I bear no ill will towards Felinists, but this is a Catholic Church for preaching a Catholic message. In recent years, too many elements of the new cat religion have been absorbed into our worship and way of thinking. I know many Catholics who have abandoned the sacraments of the Church, confessing their sins to their cats rather than to priests and even getting married by cats in Cat Temples rather than in the Church. What we are trying to achieve at St. Mary Magdalene's is about going back to being who we really are and reclaiming the distinctiveness of the faith of our fathers."

A campaign is mounting within the St. Mary Magdalene community and amongst Catholics nationally for Father Christoph to be dismissed from his post. Stephen Felling, chairman of the St. Mary Magdalene parish committee, said: "This all came from nowhere and everyone is pretty shocked. The parish committee wasn't even consulted. Barmenia is a Felinist country and most Catholics here are Felinists. We see Catholicism and Felinism as essentially the same religion. That priest is an old guy from the old school and he obviously just hasn't changed with the times. They should get him retrained or retire him."

Florence Smith, a worshipper at St. Mary Magdalene for the last 30 years, told us: "I hate him [Father Christoph]. I hate the way he talks and hate that smirky look he has. He's upset everybody. I want Father Bob [the previous priest] back. He's the only one I'd trust now."

It remains to be seen how the diocese will respond to the calls for dismissal. An insider at the bishop's office said: "The bishop was aware of Father Christoph's views, and is personally sympathetic to him, but this is too much. This priest upset his last congregation, so the bishop intervened to move him quietly away to St. Mary Magdalene's. Now it's all kicked off all over again, and this time the media are involved. It is a disaster. Father Christoph was told to keep his head down and be sensitive to local feeling, and instead he's managed to offend not just his congregation but the whole country."

[Aquinas]

September 3143
Barmenia says no to weapons of mass destruction

Barmenian legislators at the Grand Cat Parlour have unanimously voted to immediately dismantle nuclear, biological and chemical weapons.

"We are setting a challenge to the rest of Terra," announced Jessica Rochford, Head of Government and Chief Servant of the Cats. "We do not need these terrible weapons because we have learnt to put our trust in the cats, who will protect us for as long as we serve them. Other nations should do the same, so we can make the planet we share together safer, cleaner and happier."

The Grand Cat Parlour is currently considering a proposal for Barmenia to ratify the International Ban of Nuclear, Chemical and Biological Weaponry. Commentators are expecting the Treaty to be signed soon.

[Farsun]

Islamic Socialist Party founded.

Sekhmet - Emir Yunus El-Amin for the longest time had been in exile in Kafuristan after the threats from members of the Libertarian Alliance of Cats had threatened his life. After spending nearly six years in Kafuristan and recruiting patriots of his nation he has formed the Islamic Socialist Party and the Revolutionary Socialist Guard Corps under General Fihr Hakim a former member of the Barmenian Army. Emir El-Amin has promised a new Islamic Republic and the foundation of a true Islamic State at all costs.

[Farsun]

Islamic Republic of Barmenistan declared in exile.

It was a daring move. It was announced during a press conference by Emir Yunus El-Amin, leader of the Islamic Socialist Party of Barmenistan. His reasoning behind the declaration of a government-in-exile was that elections in Barmenistan has been corrupted by the ancient pagan rituals of the ruling Libertarian Alliance of Cats. Emir El-Amin declared that the Islamic Republic of Barmenistan was now the de facto government of Barmenistan and has called on the international community to recognize the nation. Thousands have already flocked to join the Revolutionary Socialist Guard Corps. and General Fihr Hakim.