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Re: The Saridani Journal

Postby Heidan1988 » Fri Nov 03, 2017 4:44 am

Saridani Journal

January 4297

Van Junker Locks Up Editors
Elani Kruger, Koeistad

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Koeistad police after the pizza shop raid which netted the purveyors of fake news.

Staatspresident van Junker ordered the arrest of several editors of the Saridani Journal yesterday for having obvious communist leanings. The official charges which have yet to be filed are misleading the public, membership in an illegal organization, and conspiracy to advance the agenda of communism. It is expected that the accused will plead not guilty at their hearing, simply because the punishment for these grave crimes against our nation are understandably severe. Staatspresident van Junker urged the public that he is not missing, and that he is alive and well, and also issued a warning. "Anyone who is spreading these lies about the office of the Staatspresident and the disappearance of this official, is absolutely spreading fake news. I'm right here, for goodness sake!" Lodewijk van Junker said Friday in a statement to this paper.

Generals Vow: "We Are Ready to Crush Communism Once More"
Danie Theron, Pietersburg

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Saridani soldiers in the field, posing taking a break from guarding against the communist menace.

General Danie de la Rey, Saridani Armed Forces spoke to the media Sunday, stating that both the soldiers under his command and also the populace as a whole have been alerted, and nearly every man and woman in every town is on high alert, looking for any kind of suspected communist activity. Although a bill in the Volksraad pertaining to the mobilization of the populace against communism is waiting until the upcoming election to be voted on, General de la Rey assured members of the embedded media team in the SAF that they would not wait for the politicians, and any armed person found to be a communist anywhere in the field would be shot on sight after the confirmation of their identity could be ascertained. When asked if this was a violation of the laws of Saridan, General de la Rey simply replied, "probably, but they're communists though".
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Re: The Saridani Journal

Postby Jalal Al-e-Ahmad » Fri Nov 03, 2017 7:55 pm

Incarcerated Communist "Lord's Believers" Plead Guilty
"We are members and we welcome our fate as martyrs."
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Prys die leier! Reader, glory has found our nation once more! Our brave Staatspresident has returned and is already reestablishing order within our borders. While the official bill outlining the grounds for arrest of all communists, socialists, Metzists, and people seen sharing publicly has not passed through the legislature, our brave boys in grey have already enacted its harshest punishments! Just this week, several dozen Communists and religious zealots have been arrested and await sentencing before our grand court.

In a shocking turn of events, all members arrested in these sweeps who profess membership to the newly illegal "Believers in the Lord" party have plead guilty to all charges. While certain death awaits many of them and deportation or life incarceration awaits the more fair-skinned among them, they nevertheless showcase their pride and arrogance before our thousand year Reich - which is nearing thirty years of supremacy.

Many observers have noted that the Staatspresident and the National Socialist Workers' Party presides over an empty legislature. Currently no parties hold any seats in the newly repaired Congress - which was evacuated just 10 years ago following an electrical fire that was caused by a Communist microwaving popcorn. With elections just around the corner, the nation of Saridan awaits the return of National Socialism and true strength once more!
What you aspire to as revolutionaries is a new master. You will get one. - Jacques Lacan
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Re: The Saridani Journal

Postby Meis » Sat Nov 04, 2017 3:02 am

Télégramme de Parmentier

Première Édition/First Edition

Welcome my fellow Euphitrien brother/sister, welcome to the first unofficial, off-the-grid publication of the Télégramme de Parmentier (Telegram of Parmentier). I am your editor-in-chief, lead writer, head journalist, and intern of the month Gaston Parmentier. This shall be the first of many writings by this Euphitrien patriot and protector of the realm, Gaston Parmentier (that's me). Now, I know that by the mere notion of you reading this that tells me one of two thing. You are either:

A. An educated, wise Euphitrien man/woman who longs for the days where we take control of the land once again and claim our rightful place on top of Saridan.

or

B. Literally anyone else.

If you are in the A column, then you have a lot of questions about what this is, what is happening all around you, and how that directly affects you. But also, you will learn those answers as well as what you can do with this golden, God-given chance that has been... well, given to us. In which, at that point, is where the great Gaston Parmentier comes in.

If you are in the B column though, I nicely ask you or put down this telegram/close the tab you are reading this on and get out of my metaphorical sight you inferior individual.

Now, for the first edition, I shall talk about and explain the three major things you need to know about what's going on in Saridan, how it affects you, and what you need to do.

Part I: Wots... uh the deal (with government)

As you may have noticed, our country has kind of, sort of... not been a country for a while. By that, I mean that our government has been empty of government officials for a while. Sure, we have a Staatspresident doing what he does best, which I won't go into specifics of what that meant seeing as unlike our government, recent arrests in the Saridani Journal showed that our military police is still very much real. Anyways, he's still in power but there isn't anything under him politically speaking. Since the Great Microwave Incident, we haven't had a legislative branch in years and the nationalists have no members in the Volksraad, as well as every other party. In fact, the Alt-Right Alliance (who takes up the whole cabinet) has been ctrl-alt-deleted from the political scene altogether. Surely, Staatspresident van Janker's hands are completely clean from this and are their natural blood red color. Now, what does this mean? Why, it means that every seat is up for grabs! And with no real incumbents, anything is possible... in theory. Of course, make sure to look over your shoulder when you go to the polls. As for what you can do, that leads to the next part of this first edition of the Télégramme de Parmentier.

Part II: Parties (Five Different Ones)

As of right now, there are 5 possible parties you can vote for that's organized and may actually do something if elected. This is important because this is the best chance to legally overthrow You-Know-Who and if You-Know-Who tries to overstay You-Know-Which-Gender's welcome then naturally those arrogant, democratic fucks will come in and do us a favor for once before we kick them out of our land along with You-Know-Who-I-Am-Implying. so, with this one shot in mind, let's shoot for the stars with a party that'll rightfully deserve to rule the realm!

...but first I should explain why the other 4 options are terrible choices and why if you choose them, you'll be shooting yourself in the foot along with your rich heritage.

Die Gelowiges in Die Here

These bearded pinkos go by The Believer's of the Lord. Don't let the name fool you, these people are filthy heathens. These people are self-proclaimed Tasselists but if these guys are Tasselist than I am van Janker himself. These weird nutjobs were the arrested individuals I mention before and they entered the end of their days by publishing this propagandist pile of wasted ink labeled an "Educational Pamphlet". Unlike this piece fine work of literacy, this is prime cut compared to the Believers dollar store ground beef. Obviously. Back on topic, these fanatics shouldn't be let 100 yards to any political power like they were the 'nice guy' to our foxy homeland and no subversion of the holy book shall delude me, or you otherwise. Now, all that being said, these are likely the least troublesome group in the running, so congrats to that you likely illiterate farmers!

Monargist Faksie van Seridjan

As the old saying goes, "Man will never be free until the last king is strangled with the entrails of the..." I won't finish the rest due to its heretical nature, but you get the overall point without needing some ending. Kings are the enemy of free men, and as such we must keep a watchful eye for Wilhelmus Vandale as he has proclaimed himself to be the voice of the monarchy and has had paid enough bar tabs to have a number of people actually listen and follow him. This goes without saying, but a monarch is merely a dictator by rite of tradition rather than brute force and we had enough of the latter from You-Get-The-Point as is. Out of all the options here, they're lucky to be on the podium due to the next two.

Rode Thalleristische Beweging

One word. Thallerism. Next.

Nasionale Sosialistiese Werkersfaksie

Last and most certainly not least, the prodigal party has returned to attempt to take majority again, and with it total control of the nation. The less said about the Nationalists, the better the chances for a second edition of Télégramme de Parmentier. But what must be said is that this is the weakest the party as a whole has been. There's blood in the water my Euphitriens, and we are going to be the sharks that finish the job. How? Why my fellow people, through this party we will finish the job.

Part III: Scream Thy Last Scream (you nationalist scumfucks)

Le Parti Euphitriens des Tasselistes is a Euphitrien-centric political party founded by Stanislas Longchambon for a singular mission: to make them give it back. For centuries, this was Euphitrien land by and for Euphitriens, then through foreign intervention throughout the past 3000 or so years, we have been pushed to the brink culturally and ethnically. Now, now precious land has been decayed by the cancer plague known as Duntrekkers. They just, rolled their way on over here and suddenly everything belonged to them. The land, the crops, the women, anything we had? Everything that was ours? Actually no, it's Duntrekkerian. It has always been their land, it says so in their revisionist trite they put in textbooks in their schools to bury their skeletons as their closets are a bit too full nowadays. This is our chance to change that, to take back what are ours. To take back our nation and our land from these Dundorfian wannabe thieves. To take it back from these nationalist bastards led by You-Know-I'm-Talking-About-Lodewijk-van-Janker, YEAH I SAID HIS NAME THIS TIME AND IF HE HEARS ABOUT THIS MESSAGE THAN THAT'S A DAMN SHAME FOR HIM.

We will not be held down anymore, we won't be minorities in our homeland no longer. We are Euphitriens, we are a proud and mighty people, and when we as a people wake up from this belief of the opposite, of the status quo that we are just a 'genetic remnant of the past'... when that happens, we will be unstoppable and we will force these oppressors to give it back. And you can join me and Mr. Longchambon in this awakening. All you have to do is be proud of who you are, and show that pride in the polls. Take back your dignity, and take the government with you while you're at it.

And with that, this is the end of the first edition of Télégramme de Parmentier. I might shorten this to 'TP' on later editions, who knows. Until then, this is Gaston Parmentier and it's time for us to wake up.

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Signed,

Gaston Parmentier, Editor-in-Chief of the Telegram of Parmentier (among other things)
Le Parti Euphitriens des Tasselistes in Saridan
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Re: The Saridani Journal

Postby Jalal Al-e-Ahmad » Mon Nov 06, 2017 12:40 am

Die Saridani Boere-Almanak
Goeie oggend sondaar!

You shouldn't be reading, sinner. You know this, there are sweatmelons to tend to before the harvest. Yet here you sit, reading.
This be the first issue of the Saridani Farmer's Almanac. We are the official voice of the Tasselist Farmer's Union, the radical wing of the Believer's in the Lord. Following the fateful fall of the Thallerist monarchists and the surprising election of the National Socialists to Staatspresident once again, several dozen Believer's schism'd and formed the Tasselist Farmer's Union.

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Pictured - Members of the newly formed Tasselist Farmer's Union

Yes, Saridan is ruled once again by National Socialists. We should remember that old Duntrekker saying, the jackal is marrying the wolf's wife (Jakkals trou met wolf se vrou). That is, though it may seem dark now - there's hope out there. The fall of the Thallerist supporters means a return to the true KING OF KINGS. For a true Duntrekker bends his knee and furrows his brow in confused submission at only one LORD.

The Tasselist Farmer's Union shall fight these Nat-Soc baboons and win Saridan back for the true workers! That or we shall join the dirt we till. It's out of our hands anyway.

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The Flag of the Tasselist Farmer's Union
What you aspire to as revolutionaries is a new master. You will get one. - Jacques Lacan
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Re: The Saridani Journal

Postby Uhtred » Sun Nov 26, 2017 11:46 am

Election 4307 News

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There were celebrations in Seridjan Democratische Unie headquarters last night as Fabian van Diermen became the first left wing politician to be elected Staatspresident of Sardian in over 150 years. Thanking voters for their support he said that a 'new dawn had broken over Saridan' and that

To be the first progressive politician elected as Staatspresident in 159 years is an honour and a privilege I will never forget, and to be elected by the people of this nation as their representative is something I will never forget. I shall work tirelessly for the betterment of this nation and for all its citizens, no matter how they voted. I ask for your help in this effort and I can assure you that every degree of mind and spirit that I possess will be devoted to the interests of Saridan and to the cause of freedom around the world
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Re: The Saridani Journal

Postby Uhtred » Mon Nov 27, 2017 11:42 pm

Staatspresident Hosts State Visit For President of Mordusia

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Koeistad, Saridan- A historic meeting between the President of Mordusia and the Staatspresident of Saridan took place in Saridan's capital today. Hosting his first state visit since his election victory, Staatspresident Fabian van Diermen said he was delighted to stand alongside President David Honnor whose campaigning and effective governance have greatly aided political and economic development across South Seleya.

It is the first time in several centuries that two progressive politicians have held office in the neighbouring nations and both men spoke of the many bonds between their nations and their peoples, as well as the need to strengthen economic and cultural cooperation.
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Re: The Saridani Journal

Postby jamescfm » Fri Dec 01, 2017 11:32 pm

Die Nuwe Burger|Vir 'n nuwe era
Jones Issues Call For Constitutional Convention

12th May 4311

Leader of the recently formed Saridan National Party Kabili Jones has expressed the need for a constitutional convention in Saridan. Speaking at the new organisation's first party conference, the charismatic Jones expressed his frustration at the divided and unstable governments of recent years. Throughout his set-piece speech, the leader emphasised his vision of a reinvigorated Saridan as a thriving liberal democracy. It is this desire for government stability that is central to the SNP's policy of holding a constitutional convention within the next two years, with a referendum to be held on the resulting proposal.

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Former civil servant Kabili Jones is the face of the new Saridan National Party

Nonetheless, Jones and his party were vague when discussing the details of any new constitutional settlement. While all agreed that it should be underpinned by principles of representative democracy and unitary government, there is still debate over the strength of the executive branch and the role of the legislature. After being queried by journalists on the matter, deputy leader Tyrese Botes responded that these decisions "would need to be made by delegates at the convention, with total respect for the views of Saridanese citizens" however he did suggest that the a new legislature should hold extensive powers of scrutiny.

In addition to constitutional matters, the conference also focused on rights and liberties. Yerodin Moolman, a former criminal defence lawyer who serves as the SNP's justice spokesperson, claimed that recent governments had left the state of rights in Saridan "below where they were a century ago". He promised that a National government would begin a "liberalising revolution", expanding liberties for gay people, women and ethnic minorities as well as repealing some of the more draconian regulations of previous regimes. Kabili Jones repeated this notion in his own speech, claiming his priorities for government would be "liberty, liberty and liberty".
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Re: The Saridani Journal

Postby Uhtred » Sun Dec 03, 2017 3:00 am

Former Staatspresident van Diermen holds on to SDU leadership after election defeat.

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Van Diermen (l) leaves Seridjan Democratische Unie headquarters

Koeistad, Saridan- Fabian van Diermen remains leader of the SDU after a day of crunch talks at party headquarters. Pressure came as Seridjan Democratische Unie lost the Staatspresidency, before slumping to their worst ever results in the legislative elections.
A disappointing night for the party was tempered only by the margin of defeat in the Staatspresidental election. The 6% gap, van Diermen losing 47%-53% in the run off, was much narrower than had been predicted and allies used this to point to van Diermen's personal popularity.

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Party supporters react to the election losses

Opinion polling conducted both before and after the election indicated that 38% of 4307 SDU voters switched to Tasseliese Boere-Unie in 4311, with Hosian and religious voters angry at van Diermen's decision, only weeks before polling day, to sign into law legislation allowing same sex couples to adopt. This collapse was illustrated most starkly in Tasselstaat where the party lost over 3million votes and saw its vote share fall from 30% to 4%.
A major stumbling block for opponents of the former Staatspresident had been the lack of a credible challenger. Serving Vise Staatspresident, Adrie Keurntjes, and Treasury Minister Marcus Jansen are considered strong personal and ideological allies of van Diermen, with other potential candidates relatively unknown outside party circles.

It remains unclear whether the results will see a change in policy from the party, however van Diermen's position is in marked contrast to that of 4 years ago when he hailed a 'new dawn' for the Seridjan Democratische Unie and for centre left politics.
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Re: The Saridani Journal

Postby Jalal Al-e-Ahmad » Sun Dec 03, 2017 5:57 am

Peasants & Proletariat Pleased by Predestined Party Providence
Tasselist Farmers' Union Wins Big

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Pictured - Tasselist TFU Supporter In Raucous Celebration of Victory

Following their return to politics in 4311, the Tasselist Farmers Union (TFU) has struck a chord with the long oppressed peoples of Saridan. By appealing to the impoverished Duntrekker farmers and long-forgotten Euphitriens, Ikpi People, and mixed-race Ifgoerroon the TFU has seized rightful majority and the position of Staatspresident.

"Truly the LORD has blessed us upon this day, as we were predestined to be blessed all along" mumbled new Staatspresident, TFU founder and leader, Comrade Father Gerrit Winjkoop before a crowd of politely clapping supporters. "While our party had to hang onto a branch for the now now, we knew our day would come."

For the curious outsider, seeking knowledge about the TFU and its efforts to improve Saridan, consider the recently proposed
Fruits of Labor Act 4312
FRUITS OF LABOR ACT 4312
IN RECOGNITION of the simple fact that all voting age persons work
IN SUPPORT of democratic and civilly sound principals
WE HEREBY seek to democratize the workplace

YES BROTHERS AND SISTERS
The workplace!
The antecedent anterior of accord,
The embryonic element of endorsement,
The inceptive initial item of imprimatur,

THE WORKPLACE
Wherein we all, following the passage of this bill, can exercise our most basic and GOD given right to control the means of production, the reigns of our lives, the impetus of our economy.

WE ENCOURAGE
All parties to vote for this bill in the affirmative.
Its enemies shall clamor "communism!, shout "socialism!", lament "Leonidism!"
Yet they jump to false conclusions.

THIS SINGLE ISSUE BILL
Does not seek to Nationalize any industries. It does not seek to advance any ideology beyond that of simple democracy. We are not ending capitalism with this bill, nor are we putting the economy in the hands of the state. We are returning it to the people, we are allowing those who till the fields to have a say in what is planted, we are allowing those who toil in our factories have a voice in how things are produced, we are allowing those who provide our essential services to feel the pride in their provision that we feel in their patronage.


In addition to this act, the TFU has also sought to modernize inferior infrastructure, form a coalition cabinet with four other parties, nationalize the commanding heights of the economy and create public works programs to foster unity of the Duntrekker majority with minority citizens, and align Saridan with the will of GOD by declaring Tasselist Hosianism the state religion.

When asked how he would celebrate this overwhelming victory, Comrade Father Winjkoop reported "Oh, I think I'm going to light me a candle tonight."
What you aspire to as revolutionaries is a new master. You will get one. - Jacques Lacan
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Re: The Saridani Journal

Postby Autokrator15 » Tue Dec 05, 2017 4:55 pm

Sinterien celebrations in Saridan
5 December 4313

St. Quiriunius or Sinterien as children cal him came to the country in a steamship a few weeks ago, today family's, schools and whole towns celebrate the birthday of the child friend who came with his helper Zwarte Klaas to bring gifts to all children who have been nice.

On the 5th of december, in the evening the Saint goes around all houses and gives presents to children who have been nice. If a child was found to be naughty the Zwarte Klaas takes them away in the bag of Sinterien and takes him with them to Kanjor where they reside.

Today the town squares and schools were filled with singing children, dressed as Zwarte Klaas or Sinterien. Now at home the entire family's will join together and sing for the good holyman.


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Sinterien on his trusty horse Santiago, waving to children whilest his helpers give candy to the children
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