Deltaria

National news threads that host the key national news outlets for each of the game’s countries.

Re: Nesporný Pravda [Deltaria]

Postby Dynastia » Wed Jul 31, 2013 8:49 pm

Czar steps in to curb excesses of the Men-Aside
Cristian Adrianescu-Barbu
Editor-in-Chief of the 'Unquestionable Truth'

Quickly following the destruction of the clerical faction in Deltaria, the Men-Aside turned their attention to "The Old Guard", a political faction dedicated to futhering the interests of nobles, landed peasants and the military. After one of the prominent Old Guard members objected to the poor hygienic practices of the Czar's dogmen, forty-eight of their known sympathisers were summarily executed, under orders from Gergő Arany and without approval of Czar Lubomir. When news of this reached the Little Father, he called for Arany's head, along with fourteen others responsible for the brutality. The Czar's dogs care nothing for the traditional powers or rights of the nobles, the Veche or the clergy, answering only to the Czar himself, and remain the only defacto legislative and administrative power in Deltaria. However, it seems unlikely that they'll dare overstep the mandate of their Little Father in the near future.

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The 'New Guard' of the Czar's dogmen show no hesitation in turning on their superiors
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Re: Nesporný Pravda [Deltaria]

Postby Dynastia » Thu Aug 01, 2013 11:22 am

I A BIG STUPID LIARFACE!
Cristian Adrianescu-Barbu
Editor-in-Chief of the 'Unquestionable Truth'

Hallo foreign heathens! Is me, Cristan Andra Andran Cristan Fancypants, the big stupid liar who writed pack of stupid lies about dogman. Am now sorry for all stupid lies I write. Dogman isn't bad man. Dogman is all good man. I just write lies to world because I big fat stupid nobleman who own slaveys and get jell jeall jellus of see good man like dogman make slaveys free. Dogman is real Deltaran man. Dogman don't be born to fancypants noble castle and own slaveys and start war all of time and make slaveys fight war. Dogman don't be born to rich greedy pessant family and keep every man hungry by hidding all there turnips every wintertime. Dogman don't go any skoolhouse and learn book with stupid oldtimey writtings nobody speak no more for become priestyman who touch little boys. Dogman is just regular poorman of Deltara. Some of us them is born with minerman or factoryman for a daddy and some is born with serfman or tennantman for daddy. Some of them is even chocolateface slavey from far across long ocean and now they get gived freedum from blessd and loving Czar who we they love. My daddy My friends daddy was even soldierman who liked King Ansgar in Doron rebell reb rebbellun war and then got putted in Forloned Hope and die fitting the Zardyman heathen. We they is normal good hardowkrer man of Deltara and we do good things for Deltara.

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IS PIKTURE OF MY FREND SLAVKO FROM CAMERAPHONE

Lots of bad man is in Deltara and all the time dogman is fixing them. Dogman dont ever hurt good man for no reason. Dogman only hurt man if he try kill Mr. Czar or if he bad man who steal and lie and rape woman and bad thing like this. All natshun of world must see dogman is never doing anything bad ever. I real sorry again I write big stupid lies on dogman. I stupid. I not never writting more lies about dogman or Deltara because even while dogman forgive me I feel real sorry for writting lies and now I go away onto big happy farm and not bother nobody no more with my lies. When I gone I put my best friend SLAVKO as top newspaper man. SLAVKO is real good dogman and good friend for mine and he have biggestest dick in all Deltara and he is most best in Deltara at writting in heathen Luthorish moonspeak. Everyone shoud lissen what SLAVKO write for you because he good dogman and don't never tell stupid lies like I tell. Also SLAVKO is single and if any lady in Czargrad want big-dick man with good car and good job and nice hair she call SLAVKO 555-4189-0606.

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IS PIKTURE OF MY DICK OF MY FRIEND SLAVKO DICK! LOOKS REAL BIG LADIES RIGHT???

Goodbye Deltara!!!! I go away now and don't never come back on because of lies I tell make me so ashame. Please all lissen from now on my best friend SLAVKO! Goodbye and dont go look for me I too ashame because of lies I writted!
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Re: Nesporný Pravda [Deltaria]

Postby Dynastia » Fri Aug 02, 2013 10:19 am

LISTEN TO SLAVKO!
Writted by SLAVKO!
Boss Editterman of the Newspapers and Best Dogman to Papa Czar

Hallo foreign heathens! Is me, SLAVKO!, the boss editterman and best dogman to Papa Czar. I bet you all wonder what intersting storys has been happen in Deltara all this times? Well now I am been made boss editterman of hole newspapers by my best frend critsan fancypants so I can tells you all about it.

JELBYMAN KING ALIVE AND HAPPY

Lots of liar outside Deltara are speaking that Jelbyman King Krzylfrtz Jizzy is alreddy killed by Papa Czar. This is big lies. Jelbyman King is walking around Papa Czars house all the times SLAVKO! has visitted. Jelbyman King dont want to speak any other Jelbymans becoz of how embarass he are that Papa Czar beeted him at the war. So Jelbyman stay with Papa Czar and dont leave the Papa Czars house and Deltaran talkymans send his letters to the Jelbyman heathens for he. Anyone who say Jelbyman King have died is big stupid liar like critsan fancypants is and if dogman hear such lies then we will tell him so and make sure he dont tell any more lies again. SLAVKO! is knowing this because SLAVKO! have twice throwed dice with Jelbyman King and both time i winned and Jelbyman King agree that SLAVKO! reelly good at throwing dices. Jelbyman King is reel good frend to SLAVKO! Later on I show some pikture of Jelbyman King beeing alive and happy but not now becoz he got haircut he didnt like so doesnt want his piktures showed until hair look better.

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SLAVKO! figgered out how to make the piktures show this time. Is Papa Czars house!

DELTARA TALKYMAN TALK AGAINST COBRAMAN AT UMN

UMN is big foreign Veche for talkymans all over the world to yell each other and make rules for all over world. Deltara send a talkyman to UMN who have half the same name as SLAVKO! but is not relashun of SLAVKO! For help your remember I always writting my name in big letter and I have yelling sign after it. Now talkyman in UMN is asking 'do this' and 'do that' and telling off the badmans in Cobraland for treating bad the Cobraman choclatefaces. SLAVKO! think all this talky is big waste of time. Papa Czar should just be sending dogmans to Cobraland and we will show the bad Cobraman how to never be mean to good and nice choclateface man. Papa Czar has maked a basterd choclateface for son and so he reelly get mad when anybody treat choclatefaces badly. One time SLAVKO! heared a skquarehead Doron dogman speak the mean word for choclateface instead of the good word and SLAVKO! telled Papa Czar about it. Papa Czar say "make him face even darker than any choclateface" so we rub him up in piggy tallo and cookked him until he all blakkened all over hahahahaha. That how Cobraman badman need be treated. But Papa Czar say that first we let talkyman try talk at UMN about how bad Cobraman is and UMN will get reel mad and cook the Cobraland badmans insted. SLAVKO! knows that Papa Czar is rite because Papa Czar much betterer thinker than SLAVKO! but still is shame not to be fixing up the badmans for him.

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This Cobraman want to fix all the badmans in Cobraland

SLAVEY-CATCHERS IN BIG TRUBBLE IN ACROSS-SEA

Some badman slavey-catchers has catched some good mans from good ship in land from across sea. Papa Czar says he reelly reelly mad at this and send a teem of dogmans over to find out who the badmans are and teech them a big lesson on why not to catching slaveys. SLAVKO! ask to go with oher dogmans but Papa Czar say SLAVKO! is bigger needed for writting these letters to foreign heathens. Zardyman heathens is also sending big boats to chase the slavey-catchers becoz slavey-catchers be much too fraidy of dogman to come back ashore in Across-Sea-Land. SLAVKO! think this is nice of Zardyman but still is not trusting Zardyman because SLAVKO! daddy got shotted to death fitting in war against the Zardyman. If Zardyman can kill all the badman slavey-catchers and then maybe SLAVKO! will think about how Zardyman isn't always a badman and sometimes can be a good instead. But if Zardyman catch slavey-catchers and becum frends to them and have partys with them then SLAVKO! will ask Papa Czar again to be sending dogmans to Zardyland and teach the Zardymans a big lesson.

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Zardyman boats bigger than any Deltara boats but maybe is too slow for catching slavey-catchers?

OLD SVETKA DYED AT SIX YEARS - RECORD IS 6:1

Old Svetka from Tepesovo have finally dyed after six good wins in champon hevvywate 3-dog divisia. Everyone in Deltara is thinking that Old Svetka cannot ever be beeted and so they make 4-dog divisia only for her. No other bear ever has beeted the 3-dog divisia so much times. First match is for Old Svetka with a cutted dog and two uncutted dog and a bitch dog. But 4-dog divisia maybe is too much even for champon bear like Old Svetka. End result is 18 minute 57 second and is declared a wining for the dogs teem with two dogs being killed by Old Sveta. SLAVKO! betted six hunded telars that Old Svetka would be winning first match of 4-dog divisia because SLAVKO! is always in betting on bear if a dog teem have two uncutted dog and a bitch-dog on same teem. But this time is a win for dogteem and SLAVKO! losed his money. Everyone in Deltara will remember Old Svetka as best champon ever to play in the sports but SLAVKO! still reelly mad she costed him so much telars.

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Old Svetka champonship 4-dog match best bateing anyone remember

MORE FANCYPANTS WRITTERS FOR NEWSPAPERS

Papa Czar gived SLAVKO! a big yelling after he reeded my last newspapers and telled SLAVKO! to hire some more fancypants mans for writting the newspapers for him. Papa Czar yelled that SLAVKO! have embarrass Deltara by writting not-so-good. SLAVKO! agree that maybe he dont write heathen scribbles as good as a fancypantsman. But SLAVKO! remain Boss Editterman of all Newspapers becuz SLAVKO! is good loyal dogman to Papa Czar and SLAVKO! can read heathen good enuff to understand when fancypantses are telling lies on Papa Czar. So from now on there will be letters writted by some payed fancypantses as well as writted by SLAVKO! If any foreign heathens catch a fancypants telling lies on Papa Czar and SLAVKO! didnt see them please to be sending SLAVKO! a letter about it and SLAVKO! will be makking sure they are learning a big lesson about telling the truth at all times.

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Look at all this fancypantses! And SLAVKO! is boss over all of they!
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Re: Nesporný Pravda [Deltaria]

Postby Dynastia » Sat Aug 03, 2013 1:39 am

Labour contracts signed with Solentia
Written by Vladislav Tomasek
Fancypants for the 'Unquestionable Truth'

Deltaria and Solentia have finished hammering out a deal that will see contracted labourers from Deltaria granted migrant work-passes, to live and work in the Millenial Republic of Solentia. Solentia has been buying out the contracts of Deltarian workers for around three thousand Telars per man, to plug the menial labour shortcomings in their economy. The sector most in need of good, honest Deltarian labourers is the dockworking and freight industries, as Solentia continues to expand her international trade. Meanwhile, Solentia has also accepted a number of contractually-bound labourers into the Solentian College of Trade and Industry, where they'll learn the newest and most technologically advanced techniques for strip-mining and ore-retrieval before returning to Deltaria. Deltarian Minister of Trade & Industry, Leofric Baldwin, has stated that "Instilling new skills and industry practices to the contracted labour force of Deltaria can only be a good thing for Deltaria, and for the workers themselves. For too long we've relied on unskilled labour in our industries, and an influx of Solentian knowledge and education will be of great benefit to the profit margins of Deltarian natural resource exploitation. The fact that the Deltarian government is paying for the educations of these men and women should go to show that we are a progressive nation, dedicated to bettering the lives of our poor and uneducated subjects"

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Contracted Labourers are happy to improve their station with better jobs and training

Dear SLAVKO!

Dear SLAVKO!,

I have heard that you are the man in the Empire to come to when I need advice, that you're the man with the life experience and the good old fashioned Deltarian common sense to solve all problems. Well I've got one for you now, SLAVKO! Until recently, I enjoyed the lush flavor and moist texture of juicy Saridani sweatmelons with every meal. You might say I'm an addict. The opalescent gray flesh, the milky brown juices, the black wirey-hair, and the smell, Boh, that smell!

But when Jelbania joined the Ríša last June, my supply of the beautiful sweaty export of those despicable carriage-riders (the thought of a glorious horse tied to a cart... we ought to have invaded years ago!) was cut off. I had to quit cold turkey! I haven't licked sweatmelon-sweat from my hands since June 3523! 438 days! I love the Ríša and the Czar and Deltaria has been good to Jelbania! But I can't take this much longer!

What should I do? Can the Czar invade Saridan to get us some sweatmelons?!

Sincerely,
JuicelessInJelbania


Hallo foreign heathen! Are right to ask SLAVKO! about such matters. SLAVKO! only eat pear and strawberies but many other dogmans is reel reel mad about sweatmelon no longer for sales in town market too. SLAVKO! agree that Papa Czar should send the dogmans over to sqkuarehead Sardyland to teach the Sardyman heathens a big lesson about why not to stealing away our sweatmelons. SLAVKO! asked Papa Czar about this and Papa Czar says that he have clever plan reddy to make Sardyman heathens give us back our sweatmelons they stealed away from us. But very sadly is another fancypants talkyman plan and SLAVKO! no understand how it work. Am sorry. But soon all town market be filled with dellishus sweatmelons thanks to Papa Czar and SLAVKO!

Your frend,
SLAVKO!
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Re: Nesporný Pravda [Deltaria]

Postby Dynastia » Sat Aug 03, 2013 6:39 am

WORST THING EVER IN DELTARAN HISTORY EVER HAS HAPPEN
Writted by SLAVKO!
Boss Editterman of all Newspapers and Best Dogman to Papa Czar

Hallo foreign heathens! Today worst thing ever in deltaran history ever has happen. Today SLAVKO! was sit outside his house to eat a big sammich of cookked ham, unyons and kabbages. Wild thiefing bear ranned up to SLAVKO! and stealed sammich rite from SLAVKO! hands!!! It are truly worse thing ever! SLAVKO! yelled at bear to come back with sammich and chased after bear and tryed hitted bear with big club but bear just ranned away from SLAVKO! SLAVKO told dogmans and dogmans all did hunting after thiefing bear but bear gotted away after horseys are tired out and killing of two our best bearhunt mastifs. SLAVKO! ranned to Papa Czars house to ask Papa Czar send UMN talkymans for telling UMN Veche about bear and fix bear for SLAVKO! but Papa Czar were reely relly mad to be intterupt from having bath with a prety choclateface lady. Papa Czar gave SLAVKO! a big yelling and hitted him reely hard in mouth with a hare dryer mashine and made SLAVKO! to cry. Bear shud be punish for this hitting also as well as for thiefing from SLAVKO! Bear probly has ranned out of Deltara now because all enemy of dogmans dont want stay in Deltara were dogmans can fix them. If any foreign heathens see bear then SLAVKO! is be paying ten-hunnerd telars for hedd of thiefing bear and ten telars if are getting back any of SLAVKO! sammich . Bear is brown and not very big and very harey. Bear is probly from Ushaland becuz is nown fact that Ushamans are all thiefs.

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SLAVKO! is chasing a stupid thiefing Ushaland bear!

Dear SLAVKO!

Dear SLAVKO!

I am a huge fan of your articles! Keep up the good work!!! Unfortunately, I do not think you can count on my subscription for very long. :( :( :(

You see, a few months ago, soldiers came to my door. They told me that they had finally found me out, Zardic scum, and that I wouldn't escape my punishment in the prisoner of war camps any longer! Let me tell you, I was surprised! I was born right here in the Stronghold of Kivonah! This is all a big misunderstanding, and now here I am in a prison camp! By the way I have to apologize for sending you this letter on toilet paper. I hope it's OK that it's a little used, I tried to pick the cleanest piece I could find. Anyway, here I am, and my sentence just got passed down. It seems Lucifer, the guard of my hut, has decreed that I am to die by self-cannibalization. :(

So I decided to write to you, SLAVKO! I have abandoned all hope of escape. Lucifer is too crafty. I will have to eat myself. :( But is there any way to make it not taste so bad? I actually hate meat. I don't know if I can do this! Please help!

Yours in love,
DinnerInDavostan


Hallo foreign heathen! hahahaha dont worry about your letters having bad smells. fancypants writters here got reelly upset when they openned it but SLAVKO! thinked it were reelly funny. SLAVKO! also is spending some time in dunjuns like you becuz of big mistake by policemans. Policemans see SLAVKO! teeching a prety lady how to wressle in ally and then SLAVKO! had wardrobe malfunkshun and policemans is making big mistake and thinking SLAVKO! is doing sumthing bad. Dunjuns are very not-nice place and offen their is not enuff food for everybody and we haff to eat up somebody in the dunjuns. But then Papa Czar finded SLAVKO! in dunjuns and let him join the dogmans so everything all turns out good. SLAVKO! is shore things will turn out good for you as well! If haff to eat up your self an dont haff any salts or peppers then meet will taste best if dont eet any other thing else for day or too before. Drink lots and lots of water insted of eeting. That way meet tasts best. If you needing a nife for cutting self up for dinner then you can make one yourself by rubbing yore poops into bits of paper and then folding it up reely thick. When it gets all dryed then u can rub it agenst wall of dunjun to make it sharpen. Is not as good as a mettel nife but it works okay. Is yourhutt-gard the famus Lucifer Evil Crovan-Eyes the Dreddkeeper of Screeming Torments and Flayed Angwish? If so then pleese tell mister Lucifer that SLAVKO! and other dogmans has been following his career for last few years we all are is big big fan. SLAVKO! redd his essay to other dogmans on how to properly be starving weesels for locking into bukkets with prisoners hedds trapped inside and it was reel improvment.

Your frend,
SLAVKO!
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Re: Nesporný Pravda [Deltaria]

Postby Dynastia » Tue Aug 06, 2013 6:08 am

SLAVKO! SAYS!
Writted by SLAVKO!
Boss Editterman of all Newspapers and Best Dogman to Papa Czar

Hallo foreign heathens! Is me, SLAVKO!, the boss editterman and best dogman to Papa Czar. I bet you all wonder what intersting storys has been happen in Deltara all this times? I can tells you all about it. The Big Veche has been reely quite lately becuz their was some demokrasy heathens hidding around in the Veche and Papa Czar worries they is trying steel Deltara away from hims. But now has not been peeps from any demokrasy heathens in quiet some time so Papa Czar has put many new laws to Big Veche for the fancypantses to agree with. SLAVKO! will now explain them alls to you foreign heathens.

The Harlotry Act is now making it legal for a man to be kissing with his wife in public or to be grabbing the bums of a pretty lady. Is also okay again to be asking a pretty lady how much Telar she want for a sexing. The badmans in the Church made all this things illegals. Papa Czar says is stupid laws for eunuks and virgins and he make all this things legal again. Papa Czar says later he will makes it legal for the faggymans to be sexing each others bums as well but only if he can find some faggylands silly enuff to pay him to be doing this. Papa Czar reely clever.

Daralisation Act a reely simple one. Is just trying to makes our sports and dogs (reel dogs not dogmans) be called by proper Boh's langwage names and not names in foreign heathen moonspeaks. Is still translashuns for foreign heathens to understand how good our sports and dogs is.

Strikebreaker Act is for peasantman and fancypants moneymans. Papa Czar says all the rootless heathen workers with no lands is talking about being bullys to there factory ownermans. Peasantmans is getting reely mad too because they dont own any serfs and lots of them cant afford any slaveys. They has to pay workers to come to dig there fields for thems. But workers is forming gangs to thief more moneys from mans who own factory and mines and farms and things. Papa Czar say anyone who forms this gangs will get head knocked togethers reely quick if we make the Strikebreaker Act.

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This is the brave strikebreaker dogmans giving the bully badmans there bashings

Opium Ordinance be SLAVKO! favorate law here. It makes it legals again for SLAVKO! to be drinking his favorate "Speshul Drink" that has rum with poppys tar boiled up into its. It makes SLAVKO! reely happy when he drinks it. Papa Czar say he will makes lots of peasants to be planting poppys and khat and cocas and sassafras trees. In the factries they will be making all kinds of speshul potions and drinks from this plants and Papa Czar will let dogmans help Vory v Zakone sneek them into all the foreign heathen lands where the Kings is reely mean and dont lets their peoples enjoy speshul drink or have any funs. So pretty soon all you heathens will have good Deltaran speshul drinks for enjoy and is all thanks for Papa Czar.

Imperial Patronage Act is another simple one. Papa Czar says that talkymans at the Veche should pay for all there own things. If he dont make this law then foreign heathen mans who hate Deltara will be paying badmans to tell lies about Deltara and will be paying them to be thiefing Deltara away from Papa Czar. Now only good Deltaran talkymans who work hard can come to talk in Veche unless Papa Czar decide he likes them.

Maritime Exploitation Act means that Deltarans can catch as much fishes and wales as they want to catch. Papa Czar say that foreign heathen lands who is not so good at fishing was getting reely mad at Deltara for being gooder at fishings and they make Papa Czar agree not to catch as many fishes as them. But now Papa Czar say Deltara is so strong that foreign heathen lands cannot bully us no more and now has no choice but to learn to be as good at fishing as Deltara is.

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Deltarans are best at catching fishes and wales. Now other lands cannot bully us to pretend we not

Investment of Honours on Delegate Laurentius of Cildania is a little one. Papa Czar is giving a heathen Cildyman some Telars and making him a fancypants lordy. SLAVKO! dont reely understand why Papa Czar is doing this things when is much more better Deltaran mans who help Papa Czar all the times, like for example there is SLAVKO! who is real bussy edittering the newspapers all day long and still hasnt been made into a fancypants lordy. Papa Czar say is because they give us big help in putting pressures on the Cobryman by mistake but they still is foreign heathen enemy and must be falseflag as a traitorman in Cildyland. When SLAVKO! dont understand then Papa Czar says is because they help us to save Cobryland from the badmans who is hurting all the choclatefaces. When SLAVKO! still dont understand then Papa Czar say is because they catched the bear that stealed SLAVKO! sammich! HOORAY! Now SLAVKO! understand.

Karav Services Concessions is another reward that Papa Czar is giving out. He says that banks is all corrupt and run by cheeting Yudimans and thiefing Ushamans. They is giving big lendings to peoples and know peoples cannot pay back and then they has excuse to be chopping peoples up for there own fun. But Papa Czar say Karav bank is full of reely nice peoples who proved they is worth trusting. From now on only Karavs is allowed run any banks in Deltara. All the Yudimans and Ushaman banks is being chased out of country and there moneys is been taken by Papa Czar to help the poormans in Deltara insted.

Secular Pressure on the Holy Sobor is becuz Papa Czar getting reely relly mad that no Pope has been picked. He say Kardinuls are fitting over who gets to be next Pope and keep making bad votes becuz none of them can agree on nothing. Papa Czar be sending in his dogmans to knock some Kardinuls heads together until they pick proper Pope that Papa Czar chosed. Papa Czar say Pope Concordus will be bringing all the Selucyman heathens into Deltaran Church and that dogmans who are good with long rifle or making poisens mite be sent to Selucylands to help if any Selucyman heathen Kardinals are not agreeing with this. SLAVKO! now wished that he learned how to make good shots with long rifle. Is reely boring to be boss editterman of the newsspapers.

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Papa Czar getting reely mad that silly Kardinals keep sending up black smokes becuz of fitting each others
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Re: Nesporný Pravda [Deltaria]

Postby Dynastia » Wed Aug 07, 2013 8:24 am

Deltaria Challenges the Great Powers of Terra
Written by Vladislav Tomasek
Fancypants for the 'Unquestionable Truth'

Luthori. Hulstria. Indrala. These are the nations most people think of when the term 'Great Empire' is mentioned. But ascendant Deltaria seems no longer content to remain in the long shadows cast by these great and ancient powers. In a massive reversal of centuries of pro-Luthori foreign policy, the Czar of Deltaria has formally addressed Phillip IV of Luthori by the title of "Petty King", while simultaneously deriding the weakness of his nation on the world stage, and their inability to rein in the independence of their claimed territories, Mordusia and Alduria. Czar Lubomir later reasserted the insult, expanding it to include the Crownlands of Hulstria and Gao-Soto ; "We are Imperator of the Deltarian Ríša, the Greatest Empire That Ever Was, or Ever Will Be. If the Petty Kings Phillip or Maximillian expect Deltarian steel to bring weight to their words, they are more than welcome to bend the knee and accept us as their lawful Suzerain."

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The Luthori ambassador to Deltaria has been politely requested to leave the country

Indrala too has been insulted by Deltaria, despite years of active and loyal alliance, after a communist upstart in the Dao Wang Yuan called for Indralan influence to be expanded to the Majatran nation of Jakania ; a part of the Deltarian Empire. Despite the suggestion being immediately and unanimously voted down, Deltarian ambassadors were reportedly unhappy that the Grand Preceptor ignored calls to more vigorously censure the upstart Hua Zhang for his suggestion. Historians in Deltaria have responded by producing evidence that the crowns of Dolgava and Egelion, both claimed by Indrala, are more legitimately claimed by members of two cadet branches of the Trigunian Čestibors, and Czar Lubomir has announced his intention to bring both nations to heel under the growing Deltarian Ríša, through diplomatic means if possible, or militarily means if not. When outraged Indralan diplomats protested that this would violate the Holy Alliance and was in direct violation of "the deal", Jindřich Sivák was said to have told them "I have altered the deal. Pray I do not alter it further."

These threats and insults can only be seen as a massive realignment in the axis of world power, with Deltaria's former policy of seeking backing and protection by appeasing her fellow Empires being thrown aside in favour of asserting Deltarian dominance as the sole great power in Terra.

SLAVKO! SAYS!
Writted by SLAVKO!
Boss Editterman of the Newspapers and Best Dogman to Papa Czar

Hallo foreign heathens! Is me, SLAVKO! I bet you all wonder what intersting storys has been happen in Deltara all this times? I can tells you all about it. Big Veche has some more laws to be past by Papa Czar. SLAVKO! now will explain thems all for you foreign heathens!

Marriage Reform is importent law for picking good matches for fancypants mans and womans. Papa Czar say he makes this law so fancypants of Deltara can be used for good of all Deltarans. Papa Czar says he has some plans for marry the pretty lady from Barmyland and make all of Barmyland into part of Deltara. SLAVKO! no reely undersand why Papa Czar want to marry Barmyland lady. Barmyland lady reely prety but every time SLAVKO! is visiting the Papa Czar house there is much more pretier ladys wandering around. Sometimes they even haves no clothes on!!

Welfare Reform is for getting rid of more badman laws the Church made us to have. They gives free Telars and sammiches to Deltara mans with no jobs. Papa Czar say that Deltara mans with no jobs will be having more time to plot and scheme against Papa Czar. If we takes away there free Telars then they will all needs to find jobs and will not have so much time to be a badmans. This way Papa Czar is not needing to punish them later on and everybody is being happier for this.

Severance of the Deltarian-Luthori Friendship Pact is importent change for who Deltaramans best frends are. We used to be frends with Luthorymans. But Luthorymans are saying that there Papa Czar is bigger and more gooder than Deltara Papa Czar. This is lies. Papa Czar now is giving them a big yelling for this lies and soon all of world will know that Papa Czar is bestest man in all of world.

Ratification of the Treaty of Aŭgusta is deal that Papa Czar makes with the choclatefaces in Kobryland. It makes it so if anymans is mean to choclatefaces again then Papa Czar can send dogmans rite over to fix them and don't be needing to send talkymans to UMN first. This a real good law becuz the badmans in Kobrylands has been reely relly mean and Papa Czar shoud send dogmans over anytime they try be mean again.

Dear SLAVKO!
Writted by SLAVKO!
Boss Editterman of the Newspapers and Best Dogman to Papa Czar

Dear SLAVKO!,

I has cheated on wife with prostitute. Wife go mad if find out. She very fine prostitute but she pregnant now. Wife cheat on me too but if find out she beat me with big hairy fist. Prostitute say she tell wife. Wife ugly but good with plough and milking. Prostitute also demand benefit from me for child but I cannot afford another child already have 12. I offer her pet walrus even life time supply of frozen whale blubber. Tried push her down stair but she drag me down too. Think also caught disease from prostitute. Bits covered in blisters tried dipping in icey sea but sea lion thought was bait. You know how to treat sexy disease?

Apology for letter being written in blood wife slit my wrist instead of using ink. Plz help me am scared

Thnx,
Troubled in Trigunia


Hallo foreign co-religionist of our most sacred and holy Mother Church! Hahaha, sound like you in big big trubbles with wifey. In Deltara we all say "mans who has unbruised nuckle also get blackened eyes!" But SLAVKO! understand, SLAVKO! has big and strong wifey who much more hareyer and strogner even than the Ushaman bear who stealed SLAVKO! sammich one time. SLAVKO! say best way for to be dealing with big angry wife is to hid behind sum staircase and hit her from behind using a big piese of wood or metal bar. Mans has bigger brains than womans so clever strategy plans like this is sometimes needed. If you has sexytime disease on your klobasa, SLAVKO! says best cure is to be rubbing it down with borovička and then to be injekting your bums with medisines from a doktor. Some of medisines from doktor is not as good as others so be shore to try six or seven differant medisines until you get the rite one. If you are putting your klobasa in icy water then sometimes it is turning black and falling offs even if sea-lion isnt trying to eet it up. SLAVKO! has dogman frend who has lost four toes this way. Is very bad!

Your frend,
SLAVKO!
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Re: Nesporný Pravda [Deltaria]

Postby Dynastia » Sun Aug 11, 2013 1:53 pm

Czar Might 'Slip the Leash' Against Jelbania
Written by Vladislav Tomasek
Fancypants for the 'Unquestionable Truth'

In response to the unwarranted aggression from Jelbania, the Czar has sent out word to the freeholds and sietches of Deltaria that the "leash may soon be slipped". Thousands of Kozaki freebooters and freeriders are swarming to the border, in the hopes of being first to crack open the rich cities of Jelbania and take the most valuable captives for themselves. "Slipping the Leash" means permitting the Free Kozaki People to enter a foreign country without limitation, regulation or oversight from the Deltarian Crown, and is considered is the single most extreme act of belligerence known to the Deltarian government, seen as an even more destructive act than total nuclear war or the unrestricted utilisation of biological weapons. The leash has not been slipped in the entire history of Czarist Deltaria, not since the late sixth century, when the Tokundian Empire slipped the leash against the Sntarék Kingdom. The Sntarékai peoples became extinct as a direct result of this, and Czar Dražen later took his own life in regret for what he'd unleashed.

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The Free People march to the border in hopes of fame and riches

"In the last war with Jelbania, the Free People were kept firmly in hand.", says Fieldmarshall Söröss Kapolcs. "More of them were executed by our officers than died in combat. If the Jelbanians actually declare war against us again, this time there will be no oversight or regulation from the Great Czarist Army. The Free People will be unleashed, to do as they will. The Great Czarist Army will not become involved in the conflict, at all. There was talk of using it as a training exercise to blood our young vojniks, but the idea of letting our men fight alongside some thirty-thousand unleashed Kozaki is not something we find tenable. Our boys would desert, and we can't really blame them. There's really no place for the Free People in a civilised war, or even a dirty one, for that matter. In the Second Majatran War we tried attaching the Davostagi Expeditionary Force to the Freeboot Regiments. You wouldn't believe how many formal complaints we got from their officers. "Unchecked barbarism" this, and "Traumatising our soldiers" that. Do you have any idea what it takes to traumatise a Davostagi? I don't, and I honestly hope I never find out."

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Hjetman Jindřich Chmela knows what it takes to traumatise a Davostagi. Fear him.
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Re: Nesporný Pravda [Deltaria]

Postby Dynastia » Sat Aug 24, 2013 1:04 pm

WAR, WAR EVRYWHERES!
Writted by SLAVKO!
Boss Editterman of the Newspapers and Best Dogman to Papa Czar

Hallo foreign heathens! Is me, SLAVKO! I bet you all wonder what intersting storys has been happen in Deltara all this times? I can tells you all about it. Seems like Deltara must be fiting the wars agenst badmans everywhere these days. But SLAVKO! heared that we is winning on evry front, so is no need for being scarred about it foreign heathens. Unless you is a badman, of course. Then you shuld be reely reely scarred because Papa Czar send his dogmans over to fix you! Fix you all rite up.

DELTARA WINNING AGENST THE SARDYMANS
Papa Czar has finally sed that Sardymans heathenry has gone on long enoughs. Sardymans really badmans who dont like to using mashines. SLAVKO! think this is reely silly. SLAVKO! has just learned of the internets and he is finding hunnerds of amazing things evry day. Today SLAVKO! has finded a websight where is nothing but piktures of cats and then people have writted hilarius things the cats mite have been saying. Another websight is nothing but piktures of nakked boobies. Why is the Sardyman badmans trying to take all this away from SLAVKO! Is hard for understand. But Papa Czar send many solders and they will fix up the badman Sardymans and then find the good Sardymans to show them the naked boobies on the internte and then Sardymans can reelise how silly they have been and join our Empire and look at piktures of boobies with us.

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Sardylands been defeeted so fast is like fiting little childrens

DELTARA ALSO WINNING AGENST THE WESTERMANS
Okay, is lots of confuzzling happenings in west of Deltara. Lands that used to be Wantylands and then Kalopylands are now Centrel Fedration Lands, but now they has broken up back to Wantylands and Sipanylands and Kalopylands and many other littler lands as well. Some of this lands is full of badmans, like Arbanylands, so Papa Czar has sended his solders to go fix up these badmans for the nice and good Sipanymans. Papa Czar has explaned it to SLAVKO! four times now but every time it just confuzzles SLAVKO! head even harder. SLAVKO! think that Papa Czar should just be fixing up all the westermans from Deltara to Mario-Land, and turn them into one big Westerlands so nobody have to be confuzzled trying to figures it out anymore. Oh, but whatever the mean badmans is calling themselves in west, Papa Czar say that Deltara solders are winning in all fites they have had so far, but that SLAVKO! not allowed to tell anyone Deltara solders is fiting there. Oh.. oops. Stay rite there foreign heathens, SLAVKO! go ask somebody how to fix up what I writted something by mistakes.

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Is dressed like ninja so nobody can tells it a Deltara man.

DELTARA EVEN WINNING AGENST THE SOUTHMANS
With so much wars agenst badmans we has to be fiting, you foreign heathens probly are thinking we must be losing wars somewhere, rite? NOPE! Deltaramans are so strong and braves that we can defeet any sub-Deltaran just by staring them reely hard, hahaha. But in big Southlands war we are doing more than staring. Papa Czar say we has killed over two thousernds of Southyman badmans and has lost only a dozen Deltara soldiers so far. Soon we be taking all the Southlands for ourself. Papa Czar say he will be sending all the dogmans there for retiring when he dont need us anymore! Papa Czar is so kind and generus to us dogmans! SLAVKO! think it was suposed to be surprise because Papa Czar got reely reely nervus when he realised that SLAVKO! was lissening. So pleese dont go tellings any dogmans about Papa Czar surprise gift or you will ruin the surprise for thems and SLAVKO! will be getting in trubbles with Papa Czar!

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Southmans ladies sure is ugly. Dogmans better be bringing there own love-slaveys when we retire there, hahaha!

NEXT DELTARA WILL GO WIN AGENST SOME MALVYMANS
Has you heard of all this slaveycatching in Malvyland? It make SLAVKO! reely reely mad to hear about its. Deltara has been sending some hardworker choclatefaces over to Malvaland and now we find out that badman Malvymans has been chopping their heads up for pleesing their dirty heathen gods! Papa Czar get reely mad to hear about this from the Dundorfmans and now he has declared that no more workers can be sended to Malvyland for the badmans to turn them into slaveys and chop up their heads off. Papa Czar say that if Malvymans dont lissen to his orders he will be sending some solders to Malvylands to fix thems up too. They better not to keep chopping there slaveys up like this, becuz Deltara solders are strongest and bravest and will fix up anybody elses solders reel quick. And then maybe dogmans be sent over and turn the dirty Malyman slaveycatchers into dogmans slaveys, hahaha!

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Dont worry, catched-slaveys! Dogmans comming soon to save you all from badmans!
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Re: Nesporný Pravda [Deltaria]

Postby Polites » Sat Sep 21, 2013 9:58 pm

The Czar is Dead, Long Live the Czar
Written by Bohuslav Jelen

Fancypants for the 'Unquestionable Truth'

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His Imperial Majesty, Czar Ľubomír II, passed away on the 29th of September 3548, after suffering fatal wounds in a hunting accident. The Czar was hunting wild boars with his most trusted dogmen and members of the Czarist Court, when he was accidentally shot by one of his hunting companions, after which he was attacked by a sounder of approximately 20 boars. The hunting party managed with great difficulty to remove the Czar from the middle of the sounder and immediately moved him to a monastic hospital. Unfortunately, the Czar passed away after two days of suffering.

Czar Ľubomír II was succeeded by his eldest legitimate son, Vel'kovojvoda Miloš of Čestibor, one of the two husbands of Queen Anastasia I of Jagoda and thus one of the Kings-Consort of Valruzia. He was crowned as Miloš the Second by Pápež Concordus I in Dolinka in July 3549, becoming the third to bear the Crown of Saint Štefan since the restoration of the monarchy in 3466. Miloš is known as an ambitious young man, and it is likely that he will continue the tradition of direct Czarist autocratic rule established by his father.

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Czar Miloš the Second
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