Kalopia

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Re: Apellas Kalopian Telegraph (AKT)

Postby GreekIdiot » Mon Mar 01, 2010 8:55 pm

A Glorious Speech ~ Polykratos, Minosasa
August 2901


"Citizens of Kalopia. My fellow Comrades into the cause! A new Era has began! Through your trust, with your belief, inside your dreams, we returned to Kalopia and resurrected the glorious KRC from its ashes! Let not its past frighten you, for times have now changed, and Kalopia has grown and has grown even more mature than past ages. Under the weight of your support for my magnificent dream the opposition succumbed from pressure and vanished from the political field. We mourn the loss of the other fellow socialist party, but we shall honor its memory and finalize our dreams for Kalopia!

The Kalopikí Autokratoría is ready to experience its biggest conquests, to satisfy its biggest desires, to realize all of its dreams. Kalopia for the Kalopian people! All Kalopians must unite under one glorious banner, united under the will of a single visionary man; let our hands circle our pride and our power, let us join them together and create the biggest Empire history has ever seen! After centuries and mourning decades, progress has reached a certain level of preparedness, and finally, after years of exhaustion, the Kalopian blood reigns over the inferior species, the Kalopian heritage stands glorified above the ruins of the world. For we are ready!"
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Re: Apellas Kalopian Telegraph (AKT)

Postby Amazeroth » Fri Mar 19, 2010 11:10 pm

Kalopikí in chaos - Kalopian Regime Coalition disbands - Gerousía emptied - Autorkrator's fate unknown

by Michaelis Auristakis

The streets of Polykratos are in turmoil. The Kalopians are out and rioting. There is no functioning police, no functioning military to stop them - instead, since there is no power behind the ministries anymore, they seem either to have joined the rioters, or to have formed their own groups, securing vital and financially rich sectors in order to establish something that no doubt will be a regime of terror and brutality. Thousands die every day, more than under the hardest days of the dictatorship. But how could this happen? How could Kalopikí turn from a iron-fist-ruled autocracy into this chaotic anarchist survival of the fittest - state that it has become in just a few days?

Not five days ago, the unthinkable happened. When the cleaning lady, due to the relaxed habit of the ruling party - the only party with seats in the Gerousía - , Theresia Soufflakis, entered the building that houses both the Gerousía and the ministries, she immediatly felt, that something was not right - at all!

Image
Theresia Soufflakis

"Well, it was quite unusual", Theresia remembers, chewing an old chewing gum with her yellow and slightly rotten teeth, "normally, when I enter that building, I can hear the voices of some people in there, you know, secretaries, security officers, political dissidents being tortured in the cellars, that whole lot. But this day was different. It was different in two ways. First and foremost because this day was the exact same day, only ten years later, that my husband, poor Diodokles, died of his hunchback. The vet had been lying to us that this would be a benign one, but I can distinctly remember how Diodokles said to me, 'Theresia', he said, 'me hunchback's hurtin' - I was better be going to drink some'. Yes, this were his exact words, and then he went out to go to his usual Ouzo-Bar. One hour later, the neighbour's daughter, Cassiopeia, I know, it's a horrible name, they are a horrible lot anyway - you won't publish this in your paper, Mr. journalist, will you? - comes into my kitchen, pats me on my back, and tells me, that my Diodokles has been found dead in the gutter. It was quite a shock, I can tell you that. Well, that was the first thing. The second way in which this day was different, was that I heard no voices. The whole building was completely silent. At first I thought 'Well, it must be a holiday, then', but then I remembered that the Autokrator - may he prosper infinitely - had declared all holidays illegal. So I went inside, mopping up a bit of dirt right at the entrance. I got more suspicious, when it became about one o'clock pm, and there were still no politicians arriving. So, at two pm., I decided to go to the nearest police station, and I told the nice officer there that the Gerousía seemed to be empty."

Regrettably, the nice officer is now self-styled "Almighty proprietor of carbon-based goods", as soon after the disappearance of the regime he took his unit and occupied the nearest factory, which is producing the plastic lids people can put on their drinks so they don't spill anything while driving a car, apparently also using carbon in the process, and so he was not approachable. What he found though was delivered to us in form of a tape he recorded with his dictating machine, while examining the building.

Image
The dictating machine

"17:16. Arrived at Gerousía building. Was sent by old cleaning lady with unnerving habit of talking about dead husband. Must investigate later, possibly treason. Door open - suspicious. Must be careful, otherwise Leutenant will have my ass. Strike ass from recording. Entered hallway. Interesting carpet, nice pictures of landscapes and people dressed in folkloristic attire. Like the style. Particularily fond of picture of people dancing in cirkle."
"17:21. Reached door at end of hallway. Now entering stairway. Stairs are leading up and down. Choosing to go up. Advancing with proper care in order not to fall - mustn't damage dictating machine, otherwise Lieutenant will have my ass. Delete ass from recording. Note to myself - dust the handrail for fingerprints later, saw that in TV once, solved a case by doing so. Similar pictures in stairway, different carpet - suspicious."
"17:23. Nearly slipped on carpet - difficult to talk into this thing and climb stairs at the same time - must be more careful. Lieutenant might have my ass for this. Ass has to go off the recording. Door appears in vision, labeled 'Gerousía'. Probably entrance to Gerousía, could be a trap. Would draw weapon if not holding this dicating machine. If dead later, tell wife of love. Tell her if she ever marries again, I'll haunt. Her, that is."
"18:30. Unbelievable. Searched whole building. Nobody here. Everybody gone. No ministers, no party members, no officials, no guards, no cleaning ladies, no political dissidents being tortured, not even animals like mice or lice. Rhyme has comforted my nerves, calmer now. Must remain calm, or Lieutenant will have my ass. Although..."
This seems to be when the police officer first thought of the possibilities now that the regime was vanished. Apparently, the Lieutenant is now either dead or deceased, sources were unclear.

Later, bigger searches showed indeed, that everyone had vanished. Indeed, not only the Gerousía building was found empty, also the politicians homes. The Autokrat's residence is sealed shut, there are talks about guards, but what could be guards could be as well suspiciously shaped hedges or indeed statues of half or completely nude ancient Goddesses. In the meantime, the country has become the living hell. At this moment, there are already seventy-four military or paramilitary districts, most of them in war with every other district and the rest of the country. Most higher brass has taken their favourite unit and seized the opportunity to occupy important centres of the country. Water, electricity, gas, food stores, are all in the hand of armed renegades. Public traffic has broken down immediatly - apparently, as some witnesses claim, even two days before the regime vanished - and private traffic is a mess, as private cars had been outlawed some years ago.

Who will emerge from this catastrophe? Who will be the next leader? Several point to the Antónios Anthropophagus Collective, completely forgetting that this "party" does not have any members of their own - now that the regime is gone, who will they corrupt? Will they seize power nevertheless, as some might suspect? Who could say. Certainly not this reporter, or any other citizen who wouldn't want to give future powers a reason not to like them. And what happened to the Autokrat? To this time, nobody dared enter his mansion, as there have always been rumors of an ancient curse that transforms anybody tresspassing into swine - and that the mansion's security system is called Circe2000 does not help too. But regardless what happens next to this country, you will be able to read it here, at the Apellas Kalopian Telegraph, courtesy of his majestic regency, reborn chief editor of God almighty, News deliver'd in flesh, the former General Nikólaos Peristakis.
Eines Tages traf Karl der Große eine alte Frau.
"Guten Tag, alte Frau", sagte Karl der Große.
"Guten Tag, Karl der Große", sagte die alte Frau.
Solche und ähnliche Geschichten erzählt man sich über die Leutseligkeit Karls des Großen.
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Re: Apellas Kalopian Telegraph (AKT)

Postby Amazeroth » Mon Mar 22, 2010 4:21 pm

Chaos comes to an end - Elections held, National Union and Co-operative Land Movement gain control - First steps to create a democracy


By Michaelis Auristakis



The land is celebrating. Fireworks everywhere, people on the streets, illegal alcohol flowing down the streets into the throats of young and old. Kalopia has a Gerousía again, a new Autokrat, and a new cabinet is being elected as this article is printed. Most of the renegade generals or former high police officers (not that there is much difference) have either come to their senses, or are being captured and imprisoned. Some of them might have fled to the neighbouring countries, but who cares. The Autokrat seems to be gone for good, and Antónios Anthropophagus, his elected successor, has already taken over his mansion - the guards seemed to have been either cunningly cut hedges or statues of naked goddesses. There were rumors about a vast gold depot in the cellars, but they have ceased after an independant group of journalists were let into the mansion. Most people are celebrating former general Paris Telemachiós, the one who initiated the election and brought most of the other generals to agree with them. It is rumored that he will become the new head of government, but this will have to wait until the parties approve of the new constitution.

Both the National Union and the Co-operative Land Movement now rule the country, the National Union slightly more powerful. Sometimes it is mentioned that both parties haven't done much to deserve such a success yet, and even more often it is heard that there seems to be a third organisation that is really pulling the strings - political observers refer to this organisation as the "Antónios Anthropophagus Collective" and seem to recognise certain links between this shadow group and the Anthropophagus Syndicate, a crime organisation that until recently mainly dealt with fake action figures and meddled in money laundering, but seems to have gained much more power lately. Of course, that the new Autokrator is said Antónios Anthropophagus does not help to denounce this theories - but the people have chosen him to lead Kalopia into a new era of democracy and peace, and who is to say that they should not decide? Not this reporter, or this newspaper.

Anyway, real leaders or not, the new parties have already begun transforming Kalopia into a democracy - today, a member of the National Union came forth and proposed a fundamental change to the contitution. First and foremost, the name of the country is to be changed - Kalopikí Autokratoría was yesterday, our nation shall be henceforth known as "Kalopkikí Dimokratía". We will not longer be led by a council of old men, the Gerousía will become the Voulí, a modern parliament. Our leader will no longer be known as Autokrat, but as Próedros tis Dimokratías, and he will not longer rule the cabinet, this will be done by the prime minister. Anthropophagus has graciously accepted that his position shall be only symbolic, and thereor lifelong and hereditary. He has begun to recognise this by making the mansion his private property. In order to be able to change something and to work without having to worry about outer influences, the legislative term will now become 72months. Also, in order to represent all Kalopians accordingly, the Voulí will have 750 seats. We are all looking foreward to become a working democracy again.
Eines Tages traf Karl der Große eine alte Frau.
"Guten Tag, alte Frau", sagte Karl der Große.
"Guten Tag, Karl der Große", sagte die alte Frau.
Solche und ähnliche Geschichten erzählt man sich über die Leutseligkeit Karls des Großen.
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Re: Apellas Kalopian Telegraph (AKT)

Postby GreekIdiot » Sun Mar 28, 2010 12:48 pm

"Who's this 'Apellas' bloke anyway?" ~ Matthews Robertikos

He stood as Autokrator for a short period back during the existence of the Kalopian Empire. Yet, we saw no pictures, no videos and no live feeds. So, who the hell is Diktator Apellas? He's the head of the KRC, surely, but after its latest sudden "evacutation" he disappeared from the face of the universe itself. No clues, no stories, no backgrounds and nothing for the police to use. What's happening then? This time around, there are only speculations as to who is running the KRC, and who is leading its unanimous decisions and voting appeals. Apellas is nowhere to be found, he is nowhere to comment; so, is Apellas still around with us or is he nowhere alive or participant? Vague theories about vagueness it seems!

The KRC and its officials released a biography of Apellas, which was indeed very biased, but provided a few worth mentioning points about the status of this mysterious figure. Apparently, Apellas is of Selucian origin, his great great grandfather immigrating to Kalopia during the Queens' Monarchy back in the old first days of the nation. His mother is of genuine Kalopian origina, while his father's whereabouts are difficult to determine. Some say the man came from the northern seas of Trigunia, other estimate Dovani as his homeland, and others speculate that his father originated from the Aristocrat family. These, sadly, are mere speculations. Apellas graduated from the Polykratos Medical University, top of his class, and headed abroad for his PhD. in Psychiatry. Records lose track of his path at the age of 31. Whether there are indeed archives of his life after that is unknown, and the KRC refuses to hand out further information.

In the upcoming elections, as it stands, everything will be judged thoroughly. The Antónios Anthropophagus Collective, led and maintained by a group of unknown dirt worshipers, has been dominant in the parliament, after the sudden collapse of the KRC. It has implemented various constitutional changes, and struggled to maintain order after the massive power vacuum imposed by the latest events. The KRC, despite its amazing history of approval and voting records, has made no move to turn down speculations and rumors of a "backing down" move and not participating in the elections. Nevertheless, that remains to be seen. There is also another party, the Kalopikí Ellinikos Etairikis Parataxi, which has shown great tendencies with regards to the KRC's political alignment. It has been said that the KRC will seek alliance with its leaders, in order to combat the ruthless, dictatorial and idiotic AAC with its capitalist tendencies.
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Re: Apellas Kalopian Telegraph (AKT)

Postby Amazeroth » Mon Mar 29, 2010 10:28 am

- Apologies by the Editor -

We sincerely appologise for our last article. The last section was missing captions - as most of the letters we've got from our readers point out - it should have read "the 'ruthless, dictatorial and idiotic' AAC" - as these is originally the wording of a pamphlet the KRC has distributed amongst their presumed followers. It is a sad fact, that all our journalist Robertikos does is write stuff off pamphlets (or, for that matter, really any piece of paper, be that another newspaper, the phonebook, or some restaurant's menu, as well as other sources, like stuff carved in trees, tattoos of people he sees on the street, or whatever he finds scribbled on men's rooms walls) but regrettably, we don't have hiring and firing power, and have to toss him an article once in a while.
We have to apologise as well for the mention of an unknown party - the AAC - when it is clear that the existence of such a party is, of course, another unfounded claim by the KRC. We also want to make clear, that this apology was in no way, absolutely no way, caused by a stern letter by Antónius Anthropophagus himself.
Eines Tages traf Karl der Große eine alte Frau.
"Guten Tag, alte Frau", sagte Karl der Große.
"Guten Tag, Karl der Große", sagte die alte Frau.
Solche und ähnliche Geschichten erzählt man sich über die Leutseligkeit Karls des Großen.
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Re: Apellas Kalopian Telegraph (AKT)

Postby GreekIdiot » Mon Apr 12, 2010 4:36 am

It Is Lovable ~ Polykratos, Minosasa
February 2922


With the return of the Areté Sosialistikó Kómma (LL) into active politics, the left has come stronger than ever to take initiative in vast reforms and amendments in constitutional degree. The KRC, after its short absence, for reasons unspecified, has been leading a successful voting course, with the latest early elections motion pulled to have lifted the party to the seat of a satisfying 2/3rds. Under the KRC's grasp, the Voulí has been passing laws and reforms in accordance to extreme leftist alignment, all initiated and introduced by the KRC's great ally, the ASK, which is of exact ideological nature, as mentioned before.

However, the strongest enemy of this great and benevolent state is corruption. Analysts and politicians refuse to comment on the situation that has slowly developed throughout the extensive years of real power absence in the political stage, but we have been receiving reports that at least 25% of the total KRC alignment, as well as that of the ASK, is corrupt and leads a double political life, serving the Voulí as part of the "unwanted" right. Allegedly led by a man known as Antónios Anthropophagus, who is currently the President of the Kalopian Democracy, these corrupt politicians play a double role and vote down every KRC - ASK proposed bill, while extensively rival reforms and documents are being handed to the legislative assembly for the voting phase by within the rankings of the KRC and the ASK. Several politicians called for a quick investigation to the case, but so far, no actions have been heard.

Meanwhile, the man leading the KRC, who has never revealed his face, is, as rumors say, Diktator Apellas. He served as President right before the KRC's disbandment but still, he was never seen alive, but only heard on the local radio and seen in his profound letters of pure benevolence. We have been receiving reports that Diktator has been travelling abroad lately, but these still remain unconfirmed. Nevertheless, yesterday, in a surprising moment, Kontos Afratikos, the KRC's main political administrator, was unable to turn down rumors and words of the Maximilian Industries falling under KRC hands. Several of our reporters have been lost during this journalist investigation, but we can confirm that these doubts cast upon MI leadership are pretty fundamental. Our next question rises as we look upon Kalopia's main shipping line, the once known Aristocrat Insurance Ltd., and think whether Apellas has managed to pull any tricks to gain control over that as well. But, ultimately, does Apellas even exist?
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Re: Apellas Kalopian Telegraph (AKT)

Postby GreekIdiot » Tue Apr 13, 2010 7:19 am

Aristocrat Ltd. Assets Skyrocket ~ Polykratos, Minosasa
September 2922


After the oil crisis that hit the offshore rigs in the Zardic Federation, the nation experienced, as analysts indicate, a sharp drop down in economic exchanges, with Zardic currency failing due to the blockade of oil production and distribution. Amongst other minor oil producing nations, the Zardic Federation controls a vast amount of petroleum areas, mainly off the coast, alongside with oil baron Kafuristan, with its southern desert province Hiamou producing almost 50% of the world's oil. Conclusively speaking, this has been characterized as a major blow to Zardic economy, although sources cannot confirm the reason of this quite sufficiently.

Its major shares now united under the KRC, and despite police investigation currently undergoing to determine how this money was got by the KRC to buy almost the 80% of the disbanded Aristocrat Ltd., becoming the largest shareholder in the company, the Aristocrat Ltd. experienced a surprising increase in assets, which has been determined by analysts as the biggest gain in Aristocrat history. Heading over the roof, the company managed to gain such tremendous income by managing itself in oil transport. As soon as the Zardic crisis hit, the Maximilian Industries and the contracts with Kafuristan helped make Aristocrat Ltd. the world's main oil distributor. More news to this, soon.
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Re: Apellas Kalopian Telegraph (AKT)

Postby GreekIdiot » Tue Apr 13, 2010 8:01 pm

Citizens weary of the Democratic model ~ Polykratos, Minosasa
December 2922


Mainly attributed, or rather to say, largely caused by the inefficiency of the corrupt model of democracy, the citizens of Kalopia seem to find the current regime inadequate and inappropriate to their needs in the official polls released by an independent government polling agency. "During the Autokrator's rule, we had much less corruption within the legislative assembly", a young history teacher, member of the KRC coalition states. Things seem to be awfully bureaucratic after the establishment of the democracy and the fall of the first period of the Autokratoria. Created by the power vacuum shortly afterwards the sudden disbandment of the Kalopian Regime Coalition, which came to be after the slow deterioration of the left political alignment in Kalopia throughout the previous decade, the empty seats of the legislative assembly were filled by what seemed to be corrupt "left-overs" of both the KRC and the rest leftist parties.

Needless to say, the nation was plunged in anarchy and total corruption. Millions of the Kalopian Drachma were wasted during the previous decade, and the current communist lenient government has the privilege of combating the largest deficit throughout Kalopian history. There are also rumors of the KRC officially aligning itself with the ASK, a party fond of government regulation and control for the benefit of the people. Together, the two parties have proceeded towards the final constitutional change that would seal a new era for Kalopia. The re-establishment of the Autocracy will once again become a reality in a few celebrated and strongly anticipated months. Pending this profound initiation a new President will be elected and a new government will be formed under the President's leadership.
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Re: Apellas Kalopian Telegraph (AKT)

Postby GreekIdiot » Tue Apr 13, 2010 9:28 pm

Kalopia invites Kafuri leadership for open discussions ~ Polykratos, Minosasa
January 2922


In a swift motion today the elusive Diktator Apellas, allegedly head of the Kalopian Regime Coalition and next candidate for Presidency, published a formal letter sent to the Kafuri leadership. The contents of the letter in general refer to an invitation issued by the KRC towards Kafuristan for the commencement of discussions between the two nations.

Characteristically, these discussions, if ultimately the invitation is accepted by Kafuristan, will be initiated 'in an attempt to bridge the gap between the two nations", as a long term period of lack of interaction between Kalopia and Kafuristan has been noted since the era of Aristocrat domination in our glorious nation, almost a hundred and so years ago. Analysts view this motion as a clear indication that the Apellas Coalition (AP.CO) is taking control over foreign Kalopian affairs, a fact which only seems to make electoral success in the next elections even more plausible and concrete. There have been certain resignations within KRC members, as members of the "Anthropophagus scale" have stated their disagreement with this diplomatic path the nation is suddenly undertaking, after profound membership in the Axis Agreement and Axis Military Treaty. All cabinet member have refused to comment, stating that "answers will be given soon".

This initiation is to be accepted alongside extensive media reforms, after the establishment of the new regime and pending constitutional amendments the KRC is reported to be contemplating upon.
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Re: Apellas Kalopian Telegraph (AKT)

Postby GreekIdiot » Wed Apr 14, 2010 11:42 am

Kalopikí Autokratoría finally a reality ~ Polykratos, Minosasa
21 April 2923


Image

Earlier today, a KRC spokesperson stepped right into the press conference room, holding a single, Presidential document on his hands. It was the declaration and official establishment of the new regime. The dream has finally become a reality. Thousands and thousands of people had gathered from the early hours of April 21 to witness the extraordinary from up close, and as soon as the announcement was made in the giant screens, fireworks and celebrations began, which lasted until the afternoon. Faced by exhaustion, the people finally returned to their homes, and this day will be marked as a national holiday, KRC spokesperson stated, for as long as the Empire lasts.

Several constitutional amendments will be issued to the table of the legislative assembly, in order to further secure the new regime. These will include the establishment of the Autokrator, several media laws and extensive geographical reforms, to better address the social and political situation in modern Kalopia. Also, our reporters have noted that several initiations will be made to combat corruption, amongst others a Presidential arrest warrant for several corrupt politicians, reforms in the economic system and the reorganization of the military and police network throughout the nation. It is said that military equipment will be needed to be found, so the Ministry of Defense will be out on the market looking for sellers of such products, including tanks, submarines and equipment for ground forces, as well as equipment for the National Air Force. "After all these years, since the reign of the last bloodthirsty Aristocrat heir, Kalopia has been left with virtually no military", Minister for Defense stated in a letter to a local capitol newspaper.

People are anticipating the appearance of Diktátor Apellas as soon as the new Autokrator is declared.
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