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Re: [ian] Ikradoni Agency News [ian]

Postby UniSocAll » Thu Jul 07, 2011 4:28 pm

Minister Arterius Condemns Beluzia, Dawkins, seeks Peaceful Solution
Minister Arterius seeks talks between Beluzia and Rutania, to avert war

MAGRATHEA, October 3147
In a statement sent to Beluzia, Rutania and the press, Minister Saren Arterius, has stated that the actions of Beluzia are to be condemned, as war-mongering and threatening peace and stability. MInister Arterius went on to state that "a needless war for petty revenge is not what Artania needs right now." "Beluzia should be ashamed! I demand peace and talks!"

He went on to further state that he himself would be willing to negotiate and seek a peaceful solution, in order to avoid war. Minister Arterius also said that he will be contacting the Chancellor, and the Minister of Defence, so to protect the borders of Ikradon in the case of war. The Department of Foreign Affairs shall keep monitoring situation, and Minister Arterius will be contacting and talking with regional leaders, and the two nations.

Minister Arterius finished off afterwards stating that "Dawkins' plan must never be achieved, and looking at how his party only has support of about 6% of the population, it is a joke, a sick joke, that he is repeating over and over again. These threats must be taken seriously, even how idiotic they may be".
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Re: [ian] Ikradoni Agency News [ian]

Postby Aquinas » Sat Dec 28, 2013 6:49 pm

Chief Mlungisi tells Terra to respect Ibutho culture
February 3598

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Chief Mlungisi Shabangu

Chief Mlungisi Shabangu, ceremonial political and religious figurehead of the Ibutho (OOC: Zulu) came out of his palace yesterday to tell an assembled crowd of foreign dignitaries that "it is is time for the rest of Terra to start taking our nation seriously and treat Ibutho culture with respect". Without naming names, he drew attention to "interfering busybodies from overseas who are possessed of the insulting idea that we are not entitled to our Ibutho culture and should convert en masse into Dorvians, Dundorfians, Vanukuese or Artanians - whatever that is". "Some even think our culture should be exterminated because it is so unique and superior that it is inconsistent with the culture of the surrounding region," he added. Then, in a rare display of visible passion, he asserted:

We, the Ibutho, are the most ancient and advanced civilisation on the face of Terra. It is us who taught the rest of humanity how to grow crops, how to hunt, how to sing, how to make music, how to sew and dress, how to produce art, how to skin animals, how to cook. Our warriors are braver than those of any other nation, our spears more deadly, our women more bountiful, our magic more potent, our trees more fruitful and our poetry more beautiful. We have given Terra everything it has, and we have much to continue to give it. That is why, as a benevolent chief of a benevolent Ibutho people, I am calling on the nations of Terra to sign treaties of peace and trade with us, so they can share in all we have to offer.


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Ibutho warriors gathered at the Ibutho-Luthori border

As we went to press, Chief Mlungisi issued a demand that the Holy Luthori Empire must pay him an annual tribute of 1000 cattle per year or else "we will raid your settlements, burn your homes, slaughter your men, take your women and enslave your children". Ibutho warriors are gathering along the Luthori borders, but so far the Luthorians have sent no forces to meet them other than a large crowd of tourists, who are reportedly posing for photographs with the warriors in exchange for gifts of various kinds. According to one senior diplomat we spoke to, "this is just Chief Mlungisi's way of asking Luthori for more foreign aid".
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Re: [ian] Ikradoni Agency News [ian]

Postby Dynastia » Sat Dec 28, 2013 7:07 pm

(OOC ; kraal means cattle-ranch.)
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Re: [ian] Ikradoni Agency News [ian]

Postby Aquinas » Sat Dec 28, 2013 7:22 pm

OOC: Thanks for that, that's interesting. In my reading around the Zulus so far, I've seen houses and palaces referred to as "kraals", but maybe I need to do a bit more research...
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Re: [ian] Ikradoni Agency News [ian]

Postby LNRulez01 » Sat Dec 28, 2013 11:25 pm

Dynastia wrote:(OOC ; kraal means cattle-ranch.)

Aquinas wrote:OOC: Thanks for that, that's interesting. In my reading around the Zulus so far, I've seen houses and palaces referred to as "kraals", but maybe I need to do a bit more research...


OOC: Sorry for interupting, Dynastia is right, but kraal could also be used for a homestead (Zulu umuzi): a cluster of several houses (Zulu singular indlu; plural izindlu) usually occupied by a single extended family.
- It is the rule in war, if ten times the enemy's strength, surround them; if five times, attack them; if double, be able to divide them; if equal,engage them; if fewer, be able to evade them; if weaker, be able to avoid them.

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Re: [ian] Ikradoni Agency News [ian]

Postby Aquinas » Sun Dec 29, 2013 1:37 am

OOC: Thanks! Yes, I think you're both right - as is Reddy who I've also been chatting to. "Kraal" wasn't the best term to use to describe a a palace.

Chief Mlungisi proposes marriage to Queen Kristen
August 3598

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Chief Mlungisi Shabangu

It is an open secret that over recent months, negotiations have been taking place between senior members of the Ibutho and Dundorfian governments. The latest letter from Queen Kristen to Chief Mlungisi raises the possibility of a military alliance and the incorporation of Ibutho into the Dundorfian Empire. This letter has been leaked to the press, and reads as follows:

Inkosi Mlungisi Shabangu,

As your nation grows from the ground up, so does the threat of foreign invasion into your lands. The Empire of Dundorf has expanded its military to levels two times higher than the one nation behind us. It would be an honor to us if you would join our empire. I give you my word that Dundorf will protect you and your people, and improve the economy by sending jobs your way. My nation has the money and military means to keep your nation afloat in hard times. Please reply with your answer.

Sincerely yours,
Kristen Stanfelj
Queen of Dundorf


Chief Mlungisi's reply, which has also been leaked, includes a proposal of marriage:

Dear Kristen, beautiful Queen of the Dundorfians and Jewel of Artania,

We have heard much of you and your people. For us to have the harmonious relationship we desire, your interests must be our interests and our interests must be your interests. Having given this much thought, I and my ministers believe the mutual interests of our two nations would be best served through the absorption of your state and your subjects into the Ibutho Nation with myself as its Sovereign. But for an alliance to be real, it must be sealed through marriage. After all, who ever heard of two tribes making peace without a wedding?

It is therefore my privilege to humbly beg for your hand in marriage. You will find me a generous and considerate husband in all matters, and my fertility is attested by the fact I have already fathered 11 children. Spacious rooms, luxuries and facilities will be provided for you in my magnificent isigodlo (OOC: palace) in our capital city, which you will share with my other 3 wives. Funani, my senior wife, looks forward to taking you on a tour of the isigodi and its surrounding lands as soon as a convenient time can be arranged.

As a token of my respect for your honour, I am sending you one of our finest elephants.

Yours in affection,

Chief Mlungisi


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Elephant on the way to Dundorf

It is not yet known how the Dundorfians will respond to the Ibutho proposal, but according to a Dundorfian diplomat we spoke to privately, "this was not quite what we were expecting".
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Re: [ian] Ikradoni Agency News [ian]

Postby Aquinas » Sun Dec 29, 2013 10:42 pm

Ibutho celebrate Azawiith's blessing
January 3599

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Ibutho women welcoming the news of Azawiith's promise of protection

Everybody in the Ibutho Nation, from the Chief down to the lowest slave, is breathing a heavy sigh of relief. Following widespread speculation and whispers about ominous signs from the heavens concerning the impending doom of our civilisation, yesterday saw a dramatic event that laid all of our worst fears to rest.

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Sanele the sangoma

Sanele, one of Chief Mlungisi's most revered sangomas (OOC: witch doctors), fell into a trance during a royal audience and uttered a sacred prophecy:

I, Azawiith, the mighty God of Forbidden Knowledge, pledge to the Ibutho that so long as they worship me as their god, I will always protect them and guarantee they will live and prosper in this land until the end of time.


Upon hearing this, Chief Mlungisi promoted Azawiith to the position of most senior god in the Ibutho pantheon, displacing
Unkulunkulu, who previously enjoyed that honour. All Ibutho are now obliged to honour Azawiith at all important social and religious occasions. Ibutho leaders hope these religious reforms will help secure the stability of their regime.

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Ibutho shrine to Azawiith, due to be consecrated by Chief Mlungisi tomorrow


Chief Mlungisi jilts Queen Kristen

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Queen Kristen being bundled off back to Dundorf

In a move which is likely to be highly damaging and embarrassing in diplomatic terms, Chief Mlungisi has called off his plans to marry Queen Kristen of Dundorf. When she first arrived in Ibutho, the Chief was reportedly very pleased with her and loved showing her off to fellow tribal leaders, but his mood soured once he read the small-print clauses the Dundorfians had inserted into the marriage contract. He became unhappy after discovering his bride-to-be would be stripped of her throne upon marrying him, and was also irritated to learn she was not capable of having children. In an angry, public dressing-down of the Dundorfian Ambassador, he raged:

You Dundorfians are not to be trusted! Do you think you can double-cross the great Chief Mlungisi of the Ibutho? You fools! This woman you have given me is barren and is not even a Queen. What sort of bride is this? She pleases me not! I don't want her. You can have her back.


Queen Kristen has been ignominiously returned to Dundorf on the back of a rusty old truck. Foreign Minister Dumisani Shabangu said he "is genuinely sorry for the lack of comfort provided for Her Majesty in the transport arrangements" but Chief Mlungisi contradicted this, barking that "the Dundorfians are lucky I did not send her back to them in 4 different pieces".

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Elephant being towed back to Ibutho

The incensed Chief has also dispatched his henchmen to Dundorf to retrieve the elephant he earlier sent to Queen Kristen as a gift. Animal welfare activists have expressed concern about the welfare of the elephant, with Artanian Animal Aid issuing a statement complaining:

The international community needs to tell Chief Mlungisi very, very firmly that elephants are not playthings and must not be moved about from one country to another in this completely inappropriate and utterly unacceptable manner.
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Re: [ian] Ikradoni Agency News [ian]

Postby Aquinas » Mon Dec 30, 2013 12:33 am

Queen Funani sends gifts & blessings to Hannah Rothman
February 3599

Queen Funani, Chief Mlungisi's senior wife, is not known for seizing the limelight, so observers were surprised yesterday morning when she spoke out in support of Hannah Rothman from Beiteynu, who has formed her own political party to campaign against her former lover, the powerful chairman of Hatnuah, Uzziel Ovadia Mendelssohn. Talking to journalists, Queen Funani commented:

I have heard much about Hannah Rothman, and I admire her so much - she is just like a true warrior woman of the Ibutho. She has been humiliated and hurt by that terrible man, so she is now fighting to defend her honour. I would do the same if I was her. I am sending her my blessings, and am posting her special gifts to aid her in her battle against him.


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Ibutho spears with poisoned tips, specially cursed by the Queen's personal sangoma (OOC: witch doctor)

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Specially-crafted Ibutho castration device

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Poisons guaranteed to ensure slow and painful death, known only to Ibutho herbalists

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Amulet of protection to counter-act spells by enemies

The gifts Queen Funani is dispatching include spears, a castration device, an array of poisons and an amulet of magical protection. It is not yet known what Ms. Rothman will make of these or whether they will prove to be of any assistance to her.
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Re: [ian] Ikradoni Agency News [ian]

Postby Aquinas » Mon Dec 30, 2013 3:50 pm

"Where are my cows?" demands Chief Mlungisi
June 3599

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Chief Mlungisi wants to experiment with mixing different breeds of Luthorian and Ibutho cattle

Chief Mlungisi of the Ibutho is on the warpath again. "None of us like being around him when he is in a mood like this," one of his ministers confided in us. "Most of the time he is good to work with, but there are times when he just shouts at everybody all the time."

The Inkosi (OOC: Chief) is frustrated that despite having last year demanded Luthori pay him 1000 cattle per year in tribute, no cows have so far been forthcoming. "All I want is for the Luthorians to be amenable!" he bellowed at journalists yesterday. "Where are my cows? I want them! I have my enclosures ready for them, but they are still empty. I want my cows - now!"

Mlungisi, an enthusiastic cattle rancher himself, is keen to try out raising Luthorian breeds of cattle, and is thought to have ambitions to inter-breed Luthorian and Ibutho cows in order to produce new and bigger breeds that provide more meat.

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Directing operations along the border: Minister of Defence, Londisizwe Shabangu

So far the Chief has not followed through on his threat to launch raids against Luthori, but he is stationing more and more Ibutho warriors on the Ibutho-Luthori border. Observers say the warriors are becoming more restless, banging on drums, performing war dances and chanting rude songs about the Holy Luthorian Emperor's uncircumcised penis.

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Ibutho warriors along the border: nobody knows what they might do next

There are positive signs, however, that the Ibutho regime hopes to bring the stand-off with Luthori to a peaceful conclusion. The Undunankulu (Prime Minister), Bhekizizwe Shabangu, yesterday moderated the Ibutho demands:

His Royal Highness Chief Mlungisi Shabangu appreciates that Luthori is only a poor nation and that their Emperor does not have many cows to spare. He has therefore, very graciously and generously, agreed to reduce his demand for tribute from 1000 to 700 cows per year.


Foreign Minister Dumisani Shabangum, ever the diplomat, added:

700 cows per year would be a very small and very reasonable price for a nation like Luthori to pay for having peace on its borders and a positive relationship with its neighbour. Once this obstacle has been overcome, I am confident our two nations will be able to forge an economic and political relationship which will be mutually advantageous to both sides.


A recent debate in the Luthorian parliament suggests Luthori's leaders are not very impressed so far with Ibutho's behaviour, and some of their politicians are talking about the need to launch a pre-emptive attack.
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Re: [ian] Ikradoni Agency News [ian]

Postby Aquinas » Tue Dec 31, 2013 1:55 am

Chief Mlungisi receives 2000 cattle from Dundorf
August 3599

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Ibutho joyfully welcoming the new cows

The Ibutho Nation is happy today because Chief Mlungisi is happy - and that makes life much easier for everyone else here. Dundorf has generously consented to send him 2000 cattle, which comes as a great boost to his ego - especially at a time when Luthori is being so difficult about being asked to contribute a mere 700 cattle. Undunankulu (Prime Minister) Bhekizizwe Shabangu commented:

We are delighted with the gift from Dundorf. In return, we have promised we will live with them in peace and will not attack their villages or steal their chickens We the Ibutho are a great nation and more than capable of dealing with our neighbours on equal terms.


To express his gratitude to Dundorf for the cattle, Chief Mlungisi has returned to them the elephant he originally sent as gift to Queen Kristen but seized back after the marriage negotiations broke down.

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A now much-travelled elephant, on the way to Dundorf (again)


Chief Mlungisi issues warning to Artanian Council

Chief Mlungisi is becoming increasingly frustrated with the shenanigans going on at the 2nd session of the Artanian Council of Representatives, where attempts are being made to de-recognise both Ibutho and its ally Dundorf as members. Early this morning he issued a statement warning the Artanian Council that "they have a choice to make about whether they want dialogue or shouting, co-operation or disharmony, peace or war".


Ibutho turns down proposal from Terra Reform Society

The Undunankulu, Bhekizizwe Shabangu, has announced he has rejected radical proposals from the Terra Reform Society for the 100 million people of Ibutho to emigrate en masse to a distant land called Talmoria. Giggling slightly, Shabangu said he thought the proposal was "very interesting but not at all practical", arguing that "we can't just leave our land behind here, because this is where the spirits of our ancestors dwell".
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