Telamon

[högni]

A Fanatic's Fantasies

The highly suspect "Illuminated Order of Shuzzag-Khân" may be ridiculous enough on its own, but Kalopian would-be immigrant Constantine "Gurbûzz" Peridiakis seems intent on adding a laugh or two. After being in the country for nearly three month, he applied for citizenship and tried to pass the mandatory test.

We are not allowed to publish the results of the test, but here's what ministry clerk Jimmy P. (Name altered) says: "That guy Gurbûzz, eh? Well, he was strange enough for sure with his robes and his strange language; but I guess that's Kalopia for you. And the answers he wrote! Wanna hear an example? Head of State of Telamon: Shuzzag-Khân, for He rules the world and all the nations therein (cf. Book of Gûz 13:4). Can you believe it??? It was hilarious!"

We have positive information that the other answers by Mr Peridiakis were rather along that line; and we believe our readers to be able to make an educated guess about the outcome of the test. Anyway, it seems that Mr Peridiakis is going home. Asked by our local reporter, he stated: "Of course I passed the test; it was a worthy challenge, but the Great Worm gave me wisdom and so I was able to overcome all obstacles and show the Power and the Glory of Shuzzag-Khân! But now I shall sail home to Kalopia, to spread the word of the Khân and his Prophet Supreme; for that is what the Prophet has ordered, and his word is law! And behold! Kalopia shall rise to glories unheard of!"

We leave it at that.

[Whahah]

A letter sent to the media, by an Organisation calling itself the 'Migadon Resistance Army' has stated, they will bring civil war to Telamon, and particularly Migadon, if the bill titled Official Recognition of the Temporary Northern Hukatai Institutions is passed. and have stated their aim as 'preventing the dissolution of Telamon, ensuring that Migadon remains a part of Telamon, and that Telamon itself, remains independent' The full text of the letter can be found below:-

We, the Migadon Resistance Army, vow to defend Migadon from Likatonian Imperialism, and will defend our rights to self determination, which is being attacked by a dictatorial government in Feresica

Our Aim is very simple we will preventing the dissolution of Telamon, ensuring that Migadon remains a part of Telamon, and that Telamon itself, remains independent. our activities will not be limited to Migadon, we will fight until our cause is won. Our nation is under threat, this is a call to arms to all loyal Telamonese people, to join or support our cause in whatever way possible.

The Migadon Resistance Army

Is this a hoax? or Is this letter genuine? nothing has been known about this organisation, and if it is not a hoax, it has probably just formed. It will be interesting to see how the Government will respond to this letter

Mark Baldwin TBC News

[högni]

Probably in answer to the letter of the Migadon Resistance Army, His Holiness, the Archpope Glûzz has issued a religious order that makes expressing discontent with the annexion of Migadon effectively a crime that can be punished by death.


His Holiness, the Archpope. This is the perfect place to express our confusion at the continued use of crosses by the Order of Shuzzag-Khân.

Although he tries to make it look like a religious issue by stating his order to be the results of his dreams, this matter must clearly be regarded a political one. Nonetheless, it is rather probable that neither President Dush, who actually is a member of the Government of Greater Likatonia, nor Minister Ffyrdin, who is not only a prominent member of the Archpope's own party, but also his second cousin, will officially declare the order non-binding. We can only hope that this step by Archpope Glûzz wasn't the trigger of a civil war.

[GreekIdiot]

Reporting from the LNH: viewtopic.php?f=17&t=2564&start=10#p20654

[chamon]

HUTORIAN INTIMIDATION!

New Hutorian Prime Minister Baron Bedonde's first Act as PM has been to drastically increase the military prescence on the Hutori/Telamon border. Twenty full divisions of the Hutorian Armed Forces numbering roughly 800,000 Troops plus artillery have been spotted within 20 miles of the border.

Hutorian Prime Minister has issued the following statement to the government of Telamon; "Hutorian eyes have moved towards the South. We believe that Telamon should form part of a greater Hutorian empire and abandon their sovereignity and instead be held to account by the Hutorian House of Parliament. There are two outcomes to this situation. Either Telamon can ratify a HNP approved Treaty signalling their loyalty to the Hutorian crown or, Hutori can expand its borders. We give the decision to Telamon and we tell them to bear in mind that their people will bear the brunt of their choices - should they chose war".

[högni]

Landslide Victory for the Order of Shuzzag-Khân

Elections in Telamon have proven the belief of our glorious country in the providence and benevolence of great Shuzzag-Khân.

Finally, the hardships endured by believers have come to an end. Although the House of Representatives hasn't allowed organized religion yet, believers have come out everywhere in the country to show their joy in communal prayer, ritualistic chanting and celebrational sacrifices. A new era of peace and love seems to have come for the country and for the first time in years, police and military officers are standing side by side with the people, glad and joyous in their new found brotherhood. At last, people of Telamon, you are at home!


Fireworks illuminate the night all over Telamon

[högni]

Feast of Blood Tremendous Success

The first Feast of Blood was visited by more than 200 million believers on March 5th 3095. 500 prisoners were executed and sacrificed to Shuzzag-Khân to mark this great day for the nation, and numerous children have been baptized in their blood. The Archpope's speech was generally well recieved, although some think his personal zeal and his satisfaction for finally legalising the sacrifice have been somewhat short of what was expected, "but you can't blame him, him being as old as he is, that great man, and what with Rejuvenation Day coming any day now", says Mrs Bacardì, a 75-year old lady from Telapolis. "It was a great show, it really was, and I'm just glad to have lived to see sacrifice becoming legal. It's just not the same having to do it in your own home in secret, and then somebody calls the police when they miss the sacrifice."

While she was wailing on about the old times, we asked her grandson, Ramon, what he thought of the celebrations. "It's wonderful", he says, "I've got my own blood lolly, and a vial of consecrated blood, and grandma says, if I behave myself, I'll get a real foot of the sacrificed."


Mrs Bacardì and Ramon, as clearly as our photographer remembers them. He lost his camera when he got drunk at the celebrations.

[högni]

Cult of Shuzzag-Khân Making Ready for War!

Evidence suggests that the Order of Shuzzag-Khân is trying everything in its power to drive our country into war against the Kingdom of Hutori. Over the last days, citizens living near the border report hearing volleys of shots fired in the midst of the night and seeing young Hutorians ritually hung and dried of all blood on elms, "exemple" (example) written in their own blood on the stems of the trees. His Excellency, Bishop-at-Arms Onofre Pinyol i Firdin, commander of the Order's Borderland Patrol, told us "all my boys do is make sure none of those nasty Hutorians can make it across the border. And if some of them can't watch their own steps, it's hardly our fault."

This sudden outbreak of hostilities is clearly due to the execution of missionaries of the Cult by the Hutorian army some time ago. While the government is still undecided on the issue, the Order is, it seems. Rumour even has it that a force of the order's Shining Martyrs, armed with auto-detonation devices is hidden somewhere in the woods of the border, just waiting for Hutorian soldiers to come near enough. We can only hope that this crisis is soon resolved in a peaceful way.


Bishop-Commander Pinyol during a training mission

[squirrelconspiracy]

Telamon minister of foreign affairs Zenas Pickmann stated in a press release earlier today that war with the Hutori is not an option. However, Telamon special operations units were dispatched to fulfill the promise made by head of State Neil Ettington that for every Telamonese killed ten Hutori would die. The preferable method of execution is to be devoured by the Great Worm for sacrifice, though other methods are in affect.

[squirrelconspiracy]

after the landslide reelection of the CIU-TPP coaliton it has been discovered that there was a break in at the air, earth, and water hotel, the order's campaign headquarters, where files and plans were searched. An informant under the alias of double penetration has leaked information saying this goes up to the highest levels; including the Pontifex Maximus. The archbishop denies any allegations of invovlment
-Telamon brodcating corp.
^picture of the reelection of Neil Sean Ettington