Kalistan

[Doc]

President Barajas snaps back at Lourenne
"Its about feet dragging and militarism, not isolationism"
Kaliburg, Ananto
November 12, 4425


President Barajas is unimpressed with recent comments from Lourenne

In recent months, the Canrillaise Federation of Lourenne gave an interview which appeared to slam Kalistan. The President characterized the breakdown in talks, which at one point seemed quite promising, as follows:

"Look: We were there. Hashimoto was there, Tass was there, I was there. They insisted on talking about joining ODEN first, and said they were on track to do so, and that was the last thing they said to us. The Lourennaise team was called out of the room. Three hours later, a young intern entered and advised us in Canrillaise that we would not be able to see the Lourennaise team any more that day, as they had been called away on business, and that we were to return to our hotel. We did so, waited there a day, and another day, and a third day, and were informed on the fourth day that the foreign minister was now disposed in working up some sort of war, which we now see was their war of choice in New Alduria with their Northern Council friends at their side, and that Valois had descended into civil disorder. We took that as our cue that discussions on other matters were over, and so we returned to Kalistan.

"In fact, we were not missed. Years passed, we had two new Nations join ODEN from start to finish in the time Lourenne was considering changing their tobacco sales laws without a proposal to that effect, and they have chosen to go to war. So it is rather confusing to us that the Foreign Minister now takes the opportunity to slam Kalistan for a breakdown in relations, when the failure of talks were actually caused by foot dragging and militarism and not some accused isolationism on the part of Kalistan.

"We are also confused by the accusation of 'isolationism' from Lourenne too. Does it come now as Kalistan is working on putting together a new association specifically designed to challenge the sort of association, in the thrall of a major power that Lourenne so happily wallows in? Why does Lourenne believe that they have more in common with imperialist powers than they do with their neighbors? Why does Lourenne engage in imperialist invasion with the aim to dominate in southern Dovani? Does 'isolation' mean staying out of the neo-liberal imperial order that Lourenne is promoting on the surface and beneath our planet?

"Lourenne is more than invited to visit us in Kalistan, which, to date, they have not been willing to do. They are welcome to send an observer to the Non-Aligned Movement's formative meetings and see that it is far more for a country like Lourenne than the Northern Council is. They are welcomed to break ties with the Imperialists and join an association of their neighbors. They are already a member of the Anantonese Ocean Pact. They have already demonstrated that they are willing to defy the demands of the Great Powers who this Treaty is squarely aimed at. Why not go all the way and give them the heave ho?

"Their response will be quite telling: Who is more important to Lourenne? The Imperialist powers of their world or their neighbors. Lourenne should know that Kalistan is not isolationist. We are anti-imperialist. And we oppose ALL imperialist powers, whether they be great power states who think they can push smaller states around or local neighbors who have dreams of empire in far away states. And Kalistan will oppose that sort of behavior. It is not too late for them to join Kalistan and Sekowo in making this corner of the world safe from the people they are currently associating with.

"Let me say this: The Philosopher said that virtue is caught, not taught. In other words, a man acquires the habits of his friends and the people he associates with on a daily basis. Like virtue, vice is also caught, not taught. If your friends are vicious imperialists, it is only a matter of time before you will be too. We hope that Lourenne chooses a different set of friends, but let me say: Their character assassination in their press of Kalistan's impeccable reputation is unwelcomed and will not go unanswered."

[Doc]

Barajas to Retire
"Three terms is enough"; President defends Vanukean Investments in Kalistan
Kaliburg, Ananto
November 30, 4426


The President announces her retirement during last week's radio broadcast, which segues into discussion on Vanukean Investment

During her weekly radio address, last week, the President of the Republic announced that she would not seek a fourth term.

"I've done my share. It's time for new leadership and it's time for me to go back to being a private citizen," The President said when announcing her retirement. " "Three terms is enough for me, and it is enough for Kalistan." In announcing her retirement, she noted that the Socialists will likely officially endorse the NLA's candidate for President.

"I've been told they are running a candidate for the office in next year's election. The Party will wait until they have officially made their announcement to endorse, but the SP is in general agreement that Al-Khali should remain as Premier, so the Socialists will not field a candidate in the next election."

The President was also asked about a matter of some consequence. KNRTVN-1 reporter Ginger Lazul, who was doing hosting duties for the weekly address this week, asked the President about Vanukean investments in KALNAPECO and KALNAFERCO. "It is somewhat scandalous, Comrade President, that Vanuku was expelled from Kalistan following their detonation of a nuclear weapon over Jelbania, and yet now we learn that their investments in Kalistani National Industries remained untouched."

The President answered defiantly, "Yes, that's right. To be fair, that happened under my predecessor."

Lazul pushed the President on the matter. "But nonetheless, their investments have remained intact for almost ten years now since you took office. Isn't that somewhat hypocritical to expel their military and diplomatic staff while allowing their investments to remain in Kalistani National Industries?"

The President was defiant. "No: Why should there be any issue with that? The firms that invested in our national industries when we were getting off the ground almost twenty years ago are private firms."

Lazul: "Yes, with very deep ties to the Vanukean Government."

Barajas: "And? This changes nothing. We have seen the value of their investment increase by more than 2000 percent. Because of their continued involvement in Kalistani National industries, KNP is trading at over 40 KRB a share, KNF is over 45. If we were to have seized that investment, the stock wouldn't be worth paperweight value and Kalistan's word would be in the trash."

Lazul: "But how can you, Comrade President, continue to do business with mass murderers associated with the Vanukean Government?"

Barajas: "This is a characterization certainly. I don't think those Vanukean interests who hold stock in our companies dropped bombs on anyone. Before you accuse me of equivocation on Vanuku, let me remind you that it was expulsion of Vanuku which led to their departure from this corner of the planet. We have seen a dramatic decrease in military activity in and around Kalistani waters as a direct result of Kalistan standing up for itself. We now range over the Anantonese Ocean at complete liberty, and no state challenges our claims to the Ananto Strait. That's because we took strong steps toward the bombers in Vanuku, who, by the way are also no longer in office. SHouldn't we claim some credit for that as well? As for Vanukean Investment: A well capitalized National Industry is a secure one, and we have no problem whatsoever working with individual investors who want to buy stock in Kalistan, even if they had ties with Satan. They invest in jobs, they invest in energy, they are investing in our prosperity. Their investments will remain theirs. And Kalistani Prosperity remains the benefit of Kalistani Citizens."

The overall tense interview between the President of the Republic and the Press is becoming increasingly characteristic of the Administration. Barajas has expressed on more than one occasion that she is ready to retire and return to music.

[Doc]

Reprinted from
IZQUIERDA: The Voice of the Kalistani Left
Editorial: Lourenne is apparently boycotting Kalistan
Al-Khali comes blue against our Canrille neighbors
Kaliburg, Ananto
April 6 4427


Premier of the Republic, Abdulaziz al-Khali drops some truth on this week's radio address

This week's radio address was delivered by the Premier of the Republic, Abdulaziz al-Khali. As usual, the Premier's language was straightforward and rather raw. He focused much of his attention on the Non-Aligned Movement's potential to unite developing nations in the world, and took a swing at Lourenne. Here is the transcript of his comments:

Hello Friends and Comrades:

I just want to take a brief second to fill you in on what we're up to. We've had a busy last few months in the Assembly, running bills proposed by the New Liberal Alliance through the Assembly. Sometimes, we found common ground to compromise, and other times, well, let's just say that compromise had a fart's chance in the wind, you know what I'm sayin? Because of the willingness of the NJA and the SP deputies to work together, we passed or will soon pass legislation that permitted some school choice with regard to tracking and selection at specialized schools, we got rid labeling on food that misrepresents the content of that food, we worked to expunge DNA collected from innocent people from our national databases as a privacy and justice issue, and we abolished prohibition on polygamy in line with our withdrawal from the business of regulation of marriage. The SP thanks the NJA for their proposals, and effort on behalf of Kalistani citizens and are happy to find areas of common interest where we could make a difference for the lives of individual Kalistani people.

We are still working with Selucia and Sekowo on the Non-Aligned Movement treaty, though kind of frustratingly, progress has slowed after the Selucian Caesar voiced her opposition to the treaty and said it was going to become a dictator's club. I categorically disagree with that characterization and have directed the Foreign Minister to have his team do what is necessary to get those discussions back on the rails.

The Non-Aligned Movement is absolutely necessary for countries like Kalistan who want to play a role in international affairs that swirl about our doorstep, but whose direction is guided almost exclusively by the world's great powers and their petty alliances. Its time that developing nations produce an association of states that feel empowered enough, you know, to participate in the world's affairs in opposition to those great powers. We don't want war. We don't want the world to turn into a meat grinder like countries like Lourenne are attempting to do to Dovani, where there are wars on top of wars on top of wars. It is really all I can do, as a matter of fact, to keep our Partisans from going to Statrica and joining the defenders against the imperialists. Too much more of this, and I can't promise that Socialist Partisans will not get involved in that conflict, and f--k some shit up.

This is why we need the non-aligned movement: Kalistan is still out here swinging in the breeze with an imperialist power just across the way there. Lourenne, puppet of the Northern Council, appears to have lost their ever loving minds and have attacked, without provocation their neighbor. They like picking on weaker nations to pursue their own imperialist dreams- It appears that they learned their lessons from the Northern Council alliance well. But the thing is: See- they only do this because they know they have nuclear powered warships guarding their six. Imagine if Lourenne tried to do this without the power of nuclear armed states at their back. How far do you think they would get into Statrica if they had their neighbors, who opposed their wars of choice breathing down their f--king necks? No: they only feel secure enough to pull this bull-sh-t because their friends in the NC have given them permission to go right on ahead and act like jackboot thugs looking for Lebensraum.

My point is: A powerful Non-Aligned Movement would be able to stand up to that and would be able to effectively promote peace in Dovani and in the world, while Kalistan by itself, beset on all sides by countries who either ignore its existence or want to turn it into a colony for their neo-liberal dreams of empire, can merely protest over the airwaves and in the press. This is why I would like that Treaty completed, sooner rather than later, and with the strongest possible language.

While we're on the subject of Lourenne, now, I'm finna finish up here pretty soon, but stick with me. I read in their news paper, translated into Luthori of course, cause I amn't as blessed as our President to be able to speak the language of our effete neighbors, excuse me. I read in their paper that they are flying airplanes to most pats of Seleya now, but not to Kalistan. They are boycotting us because we have the audacity to oppose their blood drenched powerplays in Dovani.

Let me ask you, Good Comrades. Did you notice that at Kaliburg International, or Elga International, or Python International, or any of the other airports, that you couldn't get onto an AirLourenne Plane and fly to Lourenne any longer like you used to?

I didn't notice. Wanna know why? Because Kalistanis don't fly to f--kin Lourenne. There's nothing for us there. We can't even buy f--king cigarettes in Lourenne. Did you know that? They claim to not have laws about what people can put into their bodies, but they forbid the sales of those things that people would use. Like: I heard of this dude, a guy from Eveari, who flew to Lourenne (via Lodamun) with like 4 cartons of smokes. And he was detained at the airport by Lourenne, who confiscated his cigarettes because they claimed he planned to sell them and put him on a plane that sent him to Hawu Mumenhes, of all places, just to be d--ks.

That kind of sh-t is typical of Lourenne. So, I'm going to be non-diplomatically correct for a second here. F--k Lourenne. They like to f--kin needle us because they think they're the top dog in the area. Well, ils peuvent aller baiser leurs mères.

Excuse my Canrillaise."

The Canrillaise used by the Premier at the end of his address is not translatable in this paper. The Premier finished his speech with the briefest of apologies to the President of the Republic and the Foreign Minister, "for makin y'alls lives harder. But not really."

[Doc]

ODEN-Kalistan's Georgia Tass Ain't Playing
Director of Drug Cartel announces plans for expansion into Lourenne
Kaliburg, Ananto
May 3, 4427


ODEN-Kalistan's new plan to supply Lourenne with hard drugs announced by Tass

"No, We have no problem selling drugs to the Lourennaise," said Georgia Tass, the long serving director of Kalistan's subsidiary branch of the Organization of Drug Exporting Nations. "This is something that Lourennaise and Kalistanis can bond over: Our mutual love and respect for hard drugs."

Whether the Government in Eroncourt wants it or not, ODEN will begin shipping "large amounts" of marijuana, cocaine, heroin and LSD and other drugs produced and exported by ODEN to Lourenne beginning in July of this year. This is the word from the Director of ODEN Kalistan. "Look: They cannot buy cigarettes in Lourenne. I understand. The people are looking for an outlet from the oppressive nature of existence under an imperialist government. We are in a great location to begin supplying that demand. They want drugs, or soon will want drugs, and we got drugs. It's a match made in Xanadu."

The declaration came with an announcement of an across the board 75% cut in price for drugs to Lourenne's market specifically, while elsewhere, prices will increase slightly. "The international price increase will only be felt by large importers, but smalltime guys will see a price increase of just 1 or 2 percent. Naturally, this price increase will also not be felt in other ODEN countries where we do not compete with their local markets, but as the supply mechanisms are not yet in place, the price increases are a moot point in Telamon and Sekowo at any rate. While ODEN sets up subsidiary branches, those countries will not experience any disruption in supply or price stability."

The goal, said Tass is to get Lourennaise citizens accustomed to cheap Kalistani Drugs. "We read in their paper that Kalistan is opposed to trading with powerful nations. This characterization of our foreign policy is used by Lourenne to justify a virtual embargo on air travel to Kalistan. Well, I want to do my part, here at ODEN to show them just how open Kalistan is to trade, especially export of our beautiful National Product, to the fine people of the Canrillaise Federation. I have seen the country. It is very pretty. I imagine it will be a lot prettier on 5 doses of L and a dubsack of Dah Delta's finest Herb. I am just hoping that these drugs help the people appreciate peace and find joy in their oppressive ultra-capitalist grind."

One commodity Kalistan will not be exporting to Lourenne is tobacco. "We keep our tobacco in Kalistan to supply the local demand and that's really it. Tobacco sales in Lourenne are illegal, and while we don't necessarily care much for Lourennaise law, being Kalistani, we definitely want to observe this one, as it was the one thing protected, ridiculously by the Lourennaise Government, which prevented them from hosting the GanJam back in '23. They must have a special affinity for tobacco prohibition, and so, we won't step on their wishes with regard to that substance. Kalistanis will light a cigarette in honor of all the Lourennaise people who are not allowed to."

Tass reports that drug importers from Lourenne are already arriving in Kaliburg in anticipation of the incredibly inexpensive bonanza. "It's true. But we have also been getting smugglers from other places like New Endralon and over from Keymon, who want to get in on the cheap prices, so we have been requiring a Lourennaise Passport from importers. If they are found without the proper papers, they must go through the normal process. We welcome all Lourennaise to Kaliburg, and will send them home with as many kilograms as they care to buy."

Lourennaise discounts will not affect prices in Kalistan which are heavily subsidized by the Government.

The lower prices are expected to last indefinitely.

[JackWilfred]

NLA Announces Presidential Nominee
Former engineer Adrian Maslow to run
Kaliburg, Ananto
August 21, 4427


Dr. Adrian Maslow (62) is backed by the New Liberals and Socialists

At a press conference in Kaliburg, the New Liberal Alliance announced the nomination of Dr. Adrian Maslow to the Republic's highest office. Supported by the NLA and SPoK, Dr. Maslow, a former civil engineer and now physics and political education teacher, is widely expected to be elected in the December election.

Dr. Adrian Maslow, a third generation Kalistani descended from Trigunian immigrants, saw his nomination as a "new chapter" for party co-operation and for the Presidency. "Regardless of who's in power, I can offer my experience and independent perspective. I look forward to hitting the campaign trail and making my case."

Answering questions about the nomination of the registered independent, NLA Leader Zandra Arnold, widely expected to be the party's Premier-candidate, denied that there was a "underhand deal" behind the arrangement between the two parties. "It is a Kalistani tradition that the two highest offices are not held by the same party, and while this isn't always possible because of the unpredictability of elections, the NLA was happy to nominate a candidate both parties could work with. We will still seek to form a strong opposition to a likely Socialist government in December, and the Presidential race won't change this."

The Republic, however, understands that not all NLA figures are pleased with the arrangement. An NLA figure, not wishing to announce his identity, explained to the Republic "The plan was always that the NLA would run its own campaign, with a proper NLA member as the nominee. This deal could undermine our party's argument at a very critical time, and cause a huge party dispute if somebody like Dr. Maslow is nominated for a second term."

[Doc]

Premier of the Republic Discusses ODEN activity
"We are not drug smugglers"
Kaliburg, Ananto
August 15, 4427


Premier of the Republic Al-Khali sits down with The Republic to discuss the Lourenne tensions

We recently conducted an interview with the Premier of the Republic, Abdulaziz al-Khali, and asked him to help us get a handle on the issues between Kalistan and Lourenne. Reporter Sandra Jensen filed this transcript with the paper

[The Kalistani Republic's] S[andra] J[ensen]: Premier Al-Khali, welcome to the The Republic.

[Premier of the Republic] A[bdulaziz] A[l-Khali]: Alright.

SJ: Let's get right to the point. Recently, in the Lourenne Quotidien, the Government of Lourenne says it has banned all drug use except cannabis. It has claimed that it will search Kalistani ships on the high seas, that it will turn all Kalistani aircraft back at their airports. It has basically locked down its country, in fear of Kalistani drug imports. All of this is because [ODEN-Kalistan Chief] Comrade Tass declared a price reduction for ODEN sales to Lourenne distributors. How does your Government respond?

AA: Well, see I'm glad you asked me. I mean: I knew this interview would be about that, but that's what you're supposed to say, right?

SJ: Yes.

AA: Well, I'm glad you asked me. We read a lot about Lourenne in the papers these days, but I suspect that their government doesn't quite understand what's going on in the Anantonese Ocean.

SJ: How do you mean.

AA: For example: Searching Kalistani ships is a violation of free trade, and Kalistan practices reciprocal trade. What they do to us, we do to them. It reminds me of the Ananto Strait crisis which happened when I was a younger man. Right? We stop ships, they get pissed off, we fire on ships that ignore our orders, they fire at us, and a war starts. Stopping ships on the high seas is a good way to start a war. I don't think the Lourenne Government remembers this. Though they should. The same old bastards that were so hot under the collar about Kalistan stopping commercial vessels are the ones who are now doing precisely the thing that they went to war over. And you know that if Kalistani ships are to be targets of their patrols, we will stop all ships flying Lourenne flags and search them for contraband, namely anything that Lourenne is carrying which we don't want to import. We will do to them precisely what they will do to us. And unlike last time, we have a navy now that will not hesitate to sink any vessel that defies our orders to stop. If Lourenne wants to lose its merchant marine beneath the waves of the Anantonese Ocean we are perfectly happy, and capable to oblige: All they have to do is keep ------- with Kalistani ships. Oops: I promised I wasn't going to cuss. Just bleep that out...

SJ: But what about drugs?

AA: What about them?

SJ: They are looking for illegal drug imports.

AA: Which drugs are illegal to import into Lourenne, today?

SJ: They say every drug but cannabis.

AA: Read their law. The matter is still under consideration in their Legislature. They haven't banned anything, and that law won't pass until January. So people are still free to use whatever drugs they want for four more months. So they are stopping our real ships and rerouting our imaginary planes that we don't fly to them because their airline is boycotting our country, to search for contraband that is still legal in their country. Honestly, if that isn't the act of a petty dictatorship, I don't know what is.

SJ: How does Kalistan plan to combat drug smuggling from Kalistan when their law DOES go into effect?

AA: Well, that's not our problem.

SJ: How so, Comrade Premier?

AA: Kalistan does not smuggle drugs.

SJ: In the Lourenne Quotidien, the government very specifically accuses Kalistan of smuggling drugs.

AA: That's propaganda. Kalistan does not smuggle drugs. We sell drugs to drug smugglers, but those smugglers do the work. We do not carry contraband on any of our vessels. If you re-read Comrade Tass' statement, you will note that the policy of ODEN, which, according to the treaty is an entity entirely separate from the Government of Kalistan, with the exception of our drug subsidies and their oversight of Kalistani Drug Policy, has merely chosen to lower prices on all drug sales specifically to Lourenne. But they buy the drugs here, where it is completely legal to do so. What they do with them after that is not our business. We are a member of the Organization of Drug EXPORTING nations. Lourenne, and every other non-ODEN nation, with the de facto exception of Selucia because they took the time to specify that in their negotiations with us under the old Trilateral Treaty, is a default member of the "Organization of Drug IMPORTING Nations." We are not in charge of Lourenne's drug policy, but Kalistan does not carry illegal materials into other countries. The people they are looking for are Lourenne smugglers, or whoever else does the smuggling. Those people merely buy the materials here, and we are not prejudiced with regard to who we sell to.

SJ: That seems to be splitting hairs, don't you agree.

AA: No, I do not agree. It's not our job to enforce another country's stupid and shortsighted policy. For decades now, the Lourenne paper has been smearing our country with lies and propaganda. We tried to be friendly with them, and they instead shoved destroyers down our throat, along with bogus claims that they are in control of the entire Anantonese Ocean. It is the typical nonsense of self-important tinpot dictators and brute imperialists. We don't recognize their authority over any aspect of Kalistani policy, but as a courtesy, we do not export contraband. That is a Kalistani policy.

And while we're on the subject: It is kind of stupid that they AREN'T members of ODEN if they are so worried about drug smuggling from Kalistan. In the Treaty, Article 5 of the Treaty explicitly states that "Nor will subsidiary branches export ODEN products to other signatory states where ODEN exports compete in any way with domestic ODEN products." If they were in ODEN, they could pass the law which says Herb only is legal, and ODEN Kalistan would be barred by Treaty from selling Lourenne purchasers anything that ODEN-Lourenne did not want, as that would be prohibited competition with their market. But they are not members of ODEN, so ODEN-Kalistan is not hamstrung in anyway from making whatever decisions they want about whether or not to sell to Lourenne importers and at what price, and the Government of Kalistan does not play a role in that decision. Ironic? Naw: just dumb.

SJ: So, what is the way forward?

AA: Well, as long as they are stopping Kalistani ships on the high seas, even ships which aren't going to Lourenne, we will also. So they will need to divert a significant sum of resources away from their precious war effort in Dovani, won't they? I suppose that is better for the people of Dovani, to make it more difficult for Lourenne to imperialize part of that continent. We'll do that for them.

They are locking their country down and restricting travel. That's on them. Kalistan doesn't: But we just don't have any direct flights to Lourenne anyway. That became a policy last year when they announced that they will not fly their planes to Kalistan. It's their choice, so I'm sure their air traffic controllers probably rolled their eyes when the fanatics in the Lourenne Government announced their policy.

Reduced trade with Lourenne means nothing really. It has been incredibly limited since the end of the Ananto Strait crisis, because they refused to treat with us and make a trade deal. I don't think either of our economies will take much of a hit there.

Their media will continue to run around with their hair on fire. That is what they do best, I suppose, so this doesn't affect that. Their reports that 92% of the country supports any actions of the government seems kind of sketchy: Even in one-Party rule in Kalistan, we were hard pressed to find 50% of the population who supported anything the Government did, with the exception of our conduct of foreign policy, which was pretty widely supported, at the time.

And The President of the Republic has announced that there will be no additional naval activity in the North Anantonese Ocean from the Kalistani Navy. We have our own business to attend to. Now that might change after the coming election, but for now, it is what it is.

Patrol crafts will turn back all Lourenne ships which approach our harbors, effectively acknowledging their blockade. But if they harass a single Kalistani Ship on the high seas, the Regular Navy has been authorized to fire on any pirates from Lourenne who are attempting to interdict our ship, its cargo, or any of its crew. So we will advise all Kalistani shipping to stay well away from Lourenne's waters for the time being, and trade instead at neutral ports, so that we can make it clear that if Lourenne does feel bold enough to stop our shipping on the high seas, we will be entirely justified in sinking their pirating vessels.

SJ: Well, thank you for your time, Comrade Premier, I am sure you are a very busy man.

AA: Not really. Lourenne is a new comer to power. Kalistan has exercised it for thousands of years. The Socialist Party has seen these sorts of things happen many many times before. We believe that Lourenne will eventually come to its senses, after they get tired of alienating, threatening and attacking their neighbors. And the SP will still be here. We always have time to deal with petty dictators and to talk to the Kalistani Press, which is the best in the entire world, I might add.

SJ: Thank you.

AA: No, thank you. Peace.

[Doc]

reprinted from
IZQUIERDA- The Voice of the Kalistani Left
RSMoK units begin training at Bozo River CATC
Mission is, at present, uncertain
Bozoville, Ananto
December 15, 4427

Party leaders have announced that the RSMoK have begun training at Bozo River CATC last month. Militia spokespeople are tight-lipped with regard to their training objectives, but IZQUIERDA was give exclusive access to their regimen at Bozo River, Terra's premier state of the art maneuver area. Our embedded reporter, Quame Gilbert filed the following journal.

Life with the Militia
by Quame Gilbert
Bozo River CATC
December 1, 4427

The Militia always trains hard. I was embedded with the Militia Sierra Battery, 3rd Battalion, Ananto Regiment for two weeks, in mid November. Our CO was Lieutennant Henry Erickson, and I was assigned to Ops Chief Sgt. Michelle Torres.


The FDC of S Btry 3/An pose for a picture during a couple minutes of "Check Fire" on CATC

Torres: Well, what we got was that this business with Lourenne was heating up. I'm not exactly privy to the overall strategic mission, but as far as I can tell, we've been doing a lot of mountain warfare, quick insertion/extraction stuff, and night ops. We've also done a lot of position reinforcement and firebase construction operations. If I didn't know better, I'd say they were getting ready to send us somewhere. This isn't the kind of regular homeland defense drills we usually run. These are fast hit move hit move quick quick double quick stuff. And I don't mind saying, my guns are the fastest on this range. We can get our guns airlifted from Pos A to Pos Q, delivered, laid and accurately fired in less than a half hour start to finish, and 26.5 minutes of that time is transit time. It really helps to have chopper move these guns instead of trucks: no terrain effects to slow us down, you know.

Erickson: The top guys have us in the field all the time, for all sorts of things. I wouldn't worry about it much. Most of these cannon cockers don't even know what a Statrica is. I understand that parts of it are a lot like Ananto. I suppose we're just being prepared.

Comments like these caused wonder among the Militia Artillerymen, who spend their time training constantly, honing their skills, and undergoing a spartan lifestyle even when in Garrison.

Torres: I think we are as professionalized, at this point, as the Regular Forces. There has been a real effort to standardize things. But I think we have a harder life: They get to live in barracks. We live in the dirt for 8 months out of the year. We eat a lot of grit. We live in tents or sometimes not. Whatever. Its a job like any other job: Some people make steel, some people work in finance, I fire artillery, and I am damned good at what I do. Better than just about anyone in the entire world.

It is true that deprivation is the name of the game for these socialist fanatics. When they are not in the field, or making a virtually invisible camp among the weeds, or destroying "communist rocks", as Torres puts it, they receive weekly political education classes, where artillerymen and women philosophize over topics ranging from the necessity of public sanitation to the difference between means-testing and universalized social spending.

Erickson: Your are correct that these men and women come from every walk of life. Here in the Ananto Regiment, we have trained medical doctors, we have former tool-and-die mechanics, we have a professional photographer, we have two former television hosts, five former prostitutes, and three former clergy men. More than 70 percent of our unit are practicing Brethren, and that's pretty reflective of the Militia as a whole. About 12 percent are gay or lesbian. (He shrugs) I mean, if these guys took a bath, and shaved once in a while, and put on some civilian attire, and then went to any club in Kaliburg, you wouldn't think there was anything odd about them at all.

Gun 4 from S Brty, 3/An, firing in the Combined Arms Exercise in Northern CATC

On my 12th day in the Field, we finally arrived at a position overlooking the Beach. Out at sea were several packs of LAFA, along with three Corvettes of the Regular Navy.

Erickson: Today we are going to practice amphibious landing. The Coordinated Doctrine has the Militia serving as shock troops, landing first, pushing our adversaries off the beach so we can set up a small breech, then, once the Regular Marines land and take over for us they'll build the permanent beachhead to begin landing the Regular forces while we will move inland in close contact with the enemy the whole time. So we are practicing today the maneuver. The best part about this is: Artillery does not swim. We never get our feet wet. We are not ducks, as they say. But: unlike the Regular Artillery we DO hike. The rotor wings come and get the guns, and if they can give us a ride, they do, but if not, well, we hoof it to the next pos. So we spend part of our time, like all Militia, as guerrilla infantrymen, and we fight as with just our SAR15 when we leave our guns behind. All militia does this.

The combined arms exercise went off as planned. The Battery simulated insertion, the guns were brought in by air, and the battery was up and running three and a half minutes after the first trail touched the soil in Ananto's remote northeastern coast. Forward observers were already emplaced frantically calling coordinates to the Battery, and then calling coordinates to the vessels offshore, who were firing over head. I was consigned to the FDC (Fire Direction Center) on the Beach, while the Guns fired from the cliffs above.

Torres: Friendly fire is always a concern, but FDC is the safest place in the Position. The guns are about a hundred Meters ahead of us, the CO and XO camp just over there about 50 meters, and comm is on the other side over there . But If the enemy gets to the FDC, the rest of the battery is already toast. Which is why we carry this little baby (she points to a M2 .50cal fully automatic machine gun). In terms of guns to men, the FDC is the most heavily armed section in the entire militia. And our job is to protect the crypto.

The firing went on all night. About 3 am, the CO came into the FDC and informed us that, when we get some time, we should look out to sea and watch the sea battles that were playing out just off shore.

Erickson: While we are firing here, the Militia is practicing capture and destruction of commercial vehicles. This business with Lourenne has got us all on high alert, and if we need to start boarding their vessels because they are doing that to us, the militia needs to be ready.

After watching for a half hour and hearing tiny reports of distant gun fire over the incoming tide, there was suddenly a bright explosion on the horizon. The radio reported "RS Dummy 5 drowned." Erickson smiled and nodded his head.

Erickson: It was a dummy cargo ship packed with old ordinance that EOD needed to get rid of, so they put on the demo for us tonight while we were firing. The LAFAs blew that boat to smithereens. The guns got a better show than us, though. I should have had you go up there.

Over all, the two weeks I spent with the Militia was very enlightening and quite an experience. I do not think I could personally make the militia a full time job. There is almost never enough food (something the militia take pride in: Some days, they subsist on three crackers and two gallons of water. Torres says that this teaches them to survive in a situation where they could actually go without food for days, if necessary.) Even though it was not cold, the late November climate in northern Ananto is still cool and rainy, so I never really felt dry. But on the other hand, the experience of seeing one of the World's premier partisan forces in action was really something I will never forget. As I ended my "tour of duty", the Ops Chief approached me one final time:

Torres: Hey everyone, look! The Pogue survived! (to me) I always knew you had it in you. If you want to sign up and come back out with us as a real gunrock, I know a good recruiter who will hook you up in Kaliburg. We'll put you on the gun line.

She said with a good-natured smile.


My initiation as a "gunrock"

My last act was to fire one of the guns. I went to the gunline, pulled the lanyard, picked up the still red hot brass primer casing and bit it with my teeth, fulfilling the tradition of artillerymen around the world. The Gunners made me feel very proud of my initiation, and I was glad to have gotten to join with them for two weeks in November.

[Doc]

Kalistani Premier takes Questions at Press Conference
"There are no Kalistani Regulars in Statrica"
Kaliburg, Ananto
June 15, 4429


Premier Al-Khali addressed Lourenne's accusations of Intervention in Statrica

"These claims are fundamentally baseless. There are no Kalistani Regulars in Statrica," Premier of the Republic Abdulaziz Al-Khali declared before a meeting of the National Press Corps Thursday,in response to Lourenne's claims that they have encountered Kalistani troops in their imperialist war on a helpless people. "We have not ordered any deployments of any of the three branches of the Regular Force, to Dovani or any other place, except the Anantonese Ocean, where our ships are patrolling against Lourenne's illegal attempts to interdict our shipping on the high seas. These cynical deviants really know no shame."

To support his claims of non-Intervention, the Premier produced a the official Air Force Flight Log, which he intended to provide to members of the National Assembly. "Look: If there is some sort of activity in this log from the past two months which suggests that Regular Military played a role in any way of deploying, emplacing, or resupplying Kalistani Regular Military in Statrica, Dovani, or non-Kalistani Seleya, for that matter, I expect the Opposition to find the log entry and make it public. If we see anything from the Last two months which suggests any such troop movement, I will resign. But you will find no such thing in this log or any other log. Because intervention by Kalistani Regulars without authorization by the National Assembly is expressly illegal."

When asked by The Republic about the story reprinted from IZQUIERDA about the Militia's training regime, the Premier was similarly defiant: "I have it on good authority that this unit is still currently in the field. If you're so concerned about the Militia, Comrades, perhaps you should go visit them. They are in CATC right now still shooting with the Regulars and the Navy." The Premier's statement was easy confirmed by this reporter following the Press Conference. It was confirmed by Captain Gregory Criswell, Batallion Commander, 3rd Batallion, Ananto Regiment. who confirmed that indeed, the Sierra Battery was still deployed to CATC, and were currently doing joint ops with units of the Regular Artillery.

Other questions asked by reporters:

"Is William P. Bennots in Vanuku, and is he there to repair relations between Kalistan and Vanuku?"

"We know that Bennots is there. He is not a representative of the Government, and is currently serving with Suldanor ODEN. As far as we know, the reports of his vacationing in Vanuku are accurate. But it is not a crime to travel to Vanuku, nor is it a crime for Vanukeans to travel here and do business here. If we had better relations with that Kingdom, it wouldn't be such a bad thing. But we are hesitant to open up official relations with Vanuku. That may change someday. But not today."

"How are the discussions around the Non-Aligned Movement going?"

"They are on track. We have slowed down a bit, following the change of government in Selucia, but we are all working very hard to come up with a comprehensive Treaty which will allow us to stand apart from the worlds great powers. It is very encouraging."

"The Former President, Ana Barajas has been retired for more than a year now, and yet she appears to have dropped off the face of the planet. Is there any updates on her current projects?"

"The President was always a quiet person. It is my understanding that she is writing a book. I'm sure we have not heard the last of Barajas."

"How will Kalistan respond to Valruzia's joining Lourenne's anti-ODEN crusade?"

"As we speak, our Government is drawing up contingency plans to nationalize Valruzian investments in Kalistan if they announce an official embargo to Kalistani trade. We have our eyes set particularly on VEMI-K. If we do nationalize, it will be with compensation. However, we will pay the compensation with the sale of the company to Kalistani investors. The Government of Kalistan will not get into the record making business."

"Who is headlining the Jam this in 4430?"

"You'll have to ask [ODEN Director Georgia] Tass: That's her thing. I'm still waiting for my invite. Ahhhhheeeeemmmmmmmmmmmm..."

[JackWilfred]

NLA Names New Shadow Cabinet
Party factionalism overshadows NLA proposal
Kaliburg, Ananto
November 14, 4427


Pictured: The National Assembly offices of the NLA

At a press conference at the National Assembly, Leader of the Opposition Zandra Arnold named a new Shadow Cabinet, which the New Liberal Alliance claims is a "robust prospective government" for 4430. Major changes include Óscar de Madrid's promotion from Defence to Internal Affairs, and Helena Garçon's move to the Foreign Affairs brief. As well as being gender balanced, the team includes more spokespeople hailing from outside Vrassa, the party stronghold, and additional members of the party's conservative wing.

Critics have noted the changes coinciding with increasing internal pressure from the conservative wing, seeking stronger stances on immigration and economic policy, and the social liberal wing, calling for official red lines for a coalition with the Socialist Party. However, Zandra Arnold denied the changes were designed to appeal to faction leaders over the electorate. "This is not a team to heal our party's short term disagreements, but fix our country's long term problems," Arnold answered, "This team represents the best the NLA has to offer, and would be ready to provide stable government." Arnold avoided specific questions from the Republic about policy and coalitions, stating that was an issue for an election campaign.

Notably absent from the new Shadow Cabinet was conservative Sunitha Medina-Rue, who unnamed party sources claim is making plans to challenge incumbent Dr. Adrian Maslow for the NLA's presidential nomination. Asked by the Republic if he would fight a nomination battle, the President's office stated "Dr. Maslow is no natural politician, but believes in the democratic process within and without the NLA, and is ready for any obstacle to a second term." Medina-Rue declined to comment.

[Doc]

The Republic Editorial
"Dear Queen of Lourenne: F--k you."
Al-Khali responds to Charges of deterioration from Lourenne
Kaliburg, Ananto
February 3, 4430

Dear Editor of The Kalistani Republic

Recently, the Lourenne Queen called us the most Drug Addicted Nation in Terra.

First, we are happy to read that they have banned the use of all recreational drugs other than Weed. That's fine. ODEN informs me that they make a lot of money selling Lourennaise Potheads weed, and I am convinced that Kalistani herb is better than anything the Lourennaise can scratch out of their meager sandy-ass "soil" anyway.

Second of all, to the Queen, I say, "F--k you." I think all of Kalistan joins me in that position, but I want to state emphatically, that's MY position. It is always better to live under an elected President than an inbred monarch. Why not give your people the freedom to select their own leaders? You call us the most drug addicted nation in Terra, but we assure you this is not true. Because when drugs are legal, addiction is treated like a medical issue, rather than a moral one. The most drug-addicted nations in Terra are ones where use is arbitrarily outlawed by a malicious and moralizing Government of elitist do-gooders who think they know better how to govern the choices of people than the people themselves do. That is the essence of fascism, Comrade, and you're tits deep in it.

So, just remember that, you fascist. People in Kalistan may use drugs, but they use them freely and legally, while people in Lourenne also use drugs, but your idiotic law makes them criminals, and denies them services to help them when they get into trouble. I suppose you'd rather thrown people in your dungeons than help them, but hey, that's on you, you imperialist puppet usurper.

What am I saying? The whole country is an capitalist dungeon... I guess drug prohibition is the precisely correct policy for your people after all.

Sincerely,
Abdulaziz al-Khali
A Kalistani