Communist Hot Air Balloon Tour of Terra

[Phil Piratin]

The Communist Hot Air Balloon

Friedrich Pfeiffer of the Dorvish Communist Party has announced he plans to venture on a hot air balloon tour of Terra, in which he aspires not only to beat the record for the longest-ever continuous hot air balloon journey, but also to "engage with as many people as possible about communism", "confront injustice" and "promote the overthrow of capitalism on a Terra-wide basis".

He will travel in a hot air balloon with a red canvass bearing the traditional communist emblem of the hammer and sickle. The vehicle will be equipped with a powerful sound system, which will blast out favourite Communist music tracks like The Internationale, The Red Flag, Which Side Are You On and Do you hear the people sing?. There will also be a megaphone, which Pfeiffer will use on occasions when the hot air balloon comes low enough to the ground. Additionally, the basket will store huge stacks of leaflets promoting communism, translated into many different languages, which Pfeiffer intends to scatter over towns and cities as he passes.

Pfeiffer hopes to exploit the spectacle he will create in order to generate publicity in the places he passes over, and is expected to particularly target high-profile locations of political significance, such as national parliament buildings. He will be offering interviews to journalists, particularly television and radio stations, and will also be running a Talk to Pfeiffer chat line, where anybody who wants to will be able to phone him up and talk to him. These conversations will be streamed live on the Karlstein Metz Internet Radio Station.


The Zhang Ming Hot Air Balloon


The "Put People First" Hot Air Balloon

For at least the beginning of its tour, the Communist Hot Air Balloon will be accompanied by two other hot air balloons, the Zhang Ming Hot Air Balloon and the People First Hot Air Balloon, piloted respectively by Pfeiffer's wife Irmentrud and daughter Anneliese.

Pfeiffer has no definite tour schedule, saying "When it comes to political campaigning, I don't believe in having fixed plans - so we're literally going to decide our tour route day-by-day, as we go along".

A number of his party colleagues have expressed concern that his duties as a member of Dorvik's Staatsrat and as Deputy General Secretary of the party will be neglected, due to him disappearing for what may turn out to be months on end. The party's ruling Politburo is believed to be considering removing him from his Deputy General Secretary position, although as of yet, no decision has been made.

However, Pfeiffer, who is famous for preferring campaigning and "street politics" to Haldor politics, is unrepentant, saying:

This is a fantastic opportunity for me to reach out to millions and millions of people from all over Terra who I could never otherwise reach. The world is at a really precarious moment right now, and the survival of capitalism is hanging in the balance. With just the right amount of push, the whole capitalist system will collapse and communism will take over, I can just feel it. We have a real sense now that revolutionary consciousness is on the increase, and before very long, we are going to see some very exciting things beginning to happen. What I am going to do is go out there and call on people to be excited, to get involved, to stand up to injustice and make a difference.

OOC: Any ideas/suggestions/feedback etc., regarding this, please let me know!

[Phil Piratin]

Haldor, Dorvik

Pfeiffer sacked 400ft above Haldor

Less than half an hour after taking off for his Communist Hot Air Balloon of Terra, it was announced that Friedrich Pfeiffer had been removed as Deputy General Secretary of the Dorvish Communist Party, and also as a member of the party's ruling Politburo. The formal statement, issued by a hastily-convened meeting of the Politburo, wished Pfeiffer "all the best with his endeavours", but said that "his planned disappearance from the country for a number of months will mean it will be impossible for him to adequately carry out the roles he currently holds within the party".

Pfeiffer, who was 400 feet above Haldor City when he heard the news, delivered a podcast recording in which he said it was a "relief" to have been sacked, because it would mean "I will be able to speak my mind and say what I really mean, without having to worry about being moaned at by the bourgeois party hierarchy". He went on to criticise party leader Anton Weinreich, saying he is "too obsessed with appearing moderate and reasonable and appealing to bourgeois notions of respectability all the time", and accused him of "in effect, turning the Dorvish Communist Party into just a boring mainstream social democratic party - the problem with the new elite in the party, people like Erica Peters, is that they think they're radical but they're not, most of them are not even communists".


Commie Bear, available from the Dorvish Communist Party's online store

Pfeiffer also launched a 25 minute tirade against Commie Bear (pictured above), the stuffed toy bear being sold on the party's website. To quote from part of what he said:

The Communist Bear is supposed to represent the brute power and determination of the politically conscious section of the proletariat, and it is meant to instil terror into the hearts of bourgeois capitalists. But look what today's Communist Party are doing with our bear - they have turned him into a cute, harmless, fluffy stuffed teddy toy. Not even a baby, not even a kitten would be scared of it. This makes me so, so, so angry it makes my blood boil. If you want to understand how the Communist Party has changed since I was leader, and you want to understand what is wrong with the Communist Party today, look no further than that silly teddy bear, which is the symbolic representation of absolutely everything I despise about Anton Weinreich.

Nevertheless, "in order to demonstrate my continuing loyalty and devotion towards my party", Pfeiffer went on to urge his viewers to purchase several Communist bear posters from the party's online store, explaining that "as of yet, Weinreich hasn't got around to messing around with the posters I approved when I was leader, and these posters are still proper depictions of the Communist Bear, so I urge everybody to buy them before Weinreich removes them from stock".


Pfeiffer-approved Communist Bear poster, available from the Dorvish Communist Party's online store


Pfeiffer-approved Communist Bear poster, available from the Dorvish Communist Party's online store


Pfeiffer-approved Communist Bear poster, available from the Dorvish Communist Party's online store


Pfeiffer-approved Communist Bear poster, available from the Dorvish Communist Party's online store


Pfeiffer-approved Communist Bear poster, available from the Dorvish Communist Party's online store


Pfeiffer-approved Communist Bear poster, available from the Dorvish Communist Party's online store


Pfeiffer-approved Communist Bear poster, available from the Dorvish Communist Party's online store


Pfeiffer-approved Communist Bear poster, available from the Dorvish Communist Party's online store


Pfeiffer-approved Communist Bear poster, available from the Dorvish Communist Party's online store


Pfeiffer-approved Communist Bear poster, available from the Dorvish Communist Party's online store

However, Pfeiffer warned that "sadly Weinreich has introduced posters of soft and pansy Communist Bears which no self-respecting communist should purchase, put on display or have anything to do with whatsoever, because they make our great cause look ridiculous".


Communist Bear poster not approved by Pfeiffer


Communist Bear poster not approved by Pfeiffer


Communist Bear poster not approved by Pfeiffer


Communist Bear poster not approved by Pfeiffer


Communist Bear poster not approved by Pfeiffer

[Phil Piratin]

Schlandseruck, Dorvik

Wolfsheim Plague "not a real actual medical disease", says Pfeiffer

As the Communist Hot Air Balloon passed over the southern Dorvish city of Schlandseruck, Friedrich Pfeiffer, was busy on his telephone, giving live interviews to radio and television journalists. He had a lot to say about the recent referendum on independence for southern Dorvik, calling the secessionists "damn fools" and insisting "what the south needs is communism, not secession, and if you look at it, most of the problems the secessionists are moaning about can only be solved through communism anyway".

However, it was his comments on a different subject that dominated this morning's newspaper headlines. Asked by a journalist from the The Wolfsheim Plague News Organisation (WPNO) to comment on the Wolfsheim Plague which has caused devastation in Ostland and elsewhere in Dovani, and is now spreading elsewhere, Pfeiffer responded:

Wolfsheim Plague is not a real actual disease in the conventional medical sense of the term. Rather, it is a cluster of symptoms which are just part of the general socio-economic disease that is capitalism. The main symptoms the sufferers are experiencing are a direct result of capitalist poverty, as in malnutrition, poor housing and so on, combined with psycho-somatic symptoms which are a direct consequence of the contradictions and stresses which are inherent to the capitalist system.

What makes me angry is that Terra's political and medical establishments are colluding together, to make out this is some kind of terrifyingly dangerous contagious disease. Why are they doing this? It's obvious. The scientists and the doctors get all of the money put into researching and then eventually distributing their so-called cures and vaccinations. Whilst the politicians get a good excuse to do what they wanted to do all along - to raise up their drawbridges and prevent the under-privileged people of Dovani from coming into their countries. It is absolutely despicable, the way the so-called Wolfsheim Plague is being used to refuse asylum to Dovani refugees. It's a total scandal, and the whole thing is motivated purely by racism and bigotry - the tactics the elites always use to divide and rule the masses.

The panic they are engendering also gives capitalist states an excuse to undermine the civil liberties of their own citizens, by introducing all sorts of authoritarian laws. They can get away with this, because the public think they are somehow being protected. But we Communists know that is not what this is all about. What this is all about is capitalism dying in its death throes, and the elites using ever more desperate and extreme measures to justify their rule and hold on to power.

Dorvish Communist leader Anton Weinreich condemned Pfeiffer comments, saying they "have no basis in reality at all and do not in any way represent the position of the Dorvish Communist Party". The Dorvish Medical Association has also criticised the remarks as "misinformed and highly unhelpful and irresponsible".

[Masionette9]

Prime Minister of Valruzia statement on the conflict in Ostland and Hulstria. Prime Minister heavily criticizes the leader of dorvish communists for his trials of politicizing the issue.

[Phil Piratin]

Cydraddoldeb, Aloria

Pfeiffer leaflet bombs Cydraddoldeb with red propaganda



Friedrich Pfeiffer leaflet bombing Cydraddoldeb


Some angry citizens burned Pfeiffer's leaflets in the streets





The Communist Hot Air Balloon took the Alorian city of Cydraddoldeb by surprise today by swooping in across the Dorvish border, blaring out booming communist music tracks and leaflet bombing masses and masses of literature explaining "Karlstein Metz's Theory of Dialectical Materialism" and answering the question of "What is Communism?"

Friedrich Pfeiffer's visit generated widespread alarm, with numerous citizens phoning up the police, who had to respond to a variety of complaints, which ranged from objections to the littering and the noise, to expressions of concern that Pfeiffer was mounting a terrorist attack or was even spearheading a left-wing takeover of the country.

One local woman rang up Pfeiffer on his Talk to Pfeiffer chatline, angrily asking him "Do all communists drop their litter all over the place like you do?" and demanding to know why he was "disrespecting our environment by littering out beautiful city?" Pfeiffer responded by explaining he was "sowing the seeds of communism, and that is what will solve all our environmental problems in the long-term, including litter, so you see, our leaflets drops are reasonable and justifiable".

She then asked him why the leaflets were not in Draddwyr (OOC: Welsh) or Dundorfische (OOC: German), the languages the people of the city would understand. Pfeiffer was confused by this, insisting for some time that the leaflets were printed in Draddwyr on one side and Dundorfische on the other. However, a little later, as more reports began to come in, it became clear Pfeiffer had made a mistake with the leaflets: he had been distributing leaflets in Kunikata (OOC: Japanese) intended for Sekowo, instead of the Draddwyr-Dundorfische leaflets intended for Aloria.

At this point, Pfeiffer became rather panicky, and talked about needing to re-circle the city distributing the correct leaflets. However, a stream of callers then phoned Pfeiffer up to warn him this was "not a good idea", including one caller who told him to "f**k off back to Dorvik you commie idiot, we don't want any more of your f**king leaflets!" Several callers also berated Pfeiffer for not being able to pronounce "Cydraddoldeb" correctly. Despite all this, Pfeiffer still seemed keen to press on with his plan to chuck out more leaflets (the correct ones this time) but then he suddenly changed his mind and announced he would "save the leaflets for another day". According to some sources, the reason he backed down was because 4 police helicopters were hovering nearby and threatening to have him grounded and arrested, although this claim has not yet been officially confirmed.

A nervous Pfeiffer then kept repeatedly telling the listeners on his internet radio show to "go to our website at http://www.communisthotairballoontour.dk, where you can download all of our leaflets for free, and they are available translated in every language in Terra". A little later, he turned his focus to Aloran politics, calling President Melbech "a right-wing tyrant" and telling listeners "I fully support the anti-government protesters". More controversially, he described the mob who tried to lynch President Melbech as "decent, everyday people" who were "engaging in a positive, creative and spontaneous outburst of proletarian class consciousness", and suggested their actions "should not be judged according to the hypocritical morality system of the capitalist bourgeoisie".

He also had some stern words for Robert Tomczyk, the Prime Minister of Valruzia who spoke out against his comments on the Wolfsheim Virus:

Tomczyk is the last person we should take lectures from on exploiting the truth for political gain, because this is all this guy has ever done for his entire political career. He leads a right-wing, theocratic one-party state, that does nothing but mislead and exploit the people of Valruzia. I'll tell you, I'm really looking forward to visiting Valruzia - we're going to travel there at some point, although I'm not saying when.

Pfeiffer also took particular issue with Tomczyk's claim that Communism has killed more people than the Wolfsheim Virus, claiming "Communism has not killed a single person; the war between capitalism and communism is entirely the fault of the capitalists, because they are the ones who started it".

[Masionette9]

Prime Minister of Valruzia responds to Pfeiffer's words.

[Phil Piratin]

Dosmund, Dundorf

Communist Hot Air Balloon crashes into Karlstein Metz tree



Friedrich Pfeiffer is in hospital tonight, after his Communist Hot Air Balloon collided with a tree whilst he was flying over the Dundorfian city of Dosmund.

The tree, known as the "Karlstein Metz tree", was used by Karlstein Metz as a hideout whilst he was on the run from police in 1874, about 9 years before he died. It has become a place of political pilgrimage for Metzists all across Terra, and over time has become an important tourist attraction for the city, with many visitors coming just to see it.

Pfeiffer could not resist the impulse to catch a glimpse of the tree, so he lowered the Communist Hot Air Balloon, then lowered it a little further to get a closer look...and then...

As a result of the crash, Pfeiffer suffered a broken arm and an injury to the neck. He is expected to make a full recovery, although he has admitted "I won't be going hot air ballooning for a little while yet".

The tree was also damaged, and will need the attention of professional tree surgeons. It is now cut off from the public, and is likely to remain so for a little while.

Pfeiffer has written a personal letter of apology to Christoph Kreisinger, the President of Dundorf, and also to the Mayor of Dosmund, the Secretary of the Dosmund Metzist Association and the chairwoman of the Dosmund Historical Society, in addition to writing a general public letter of apology in the Dosmund Telegraph newspaper. He has also offered to pay for the cost of dealing with the repairs to the tree. Lastly, he has publicly thanked the medical staff at Dortmund General Hospital, who he said "could not be bettered by any other health workers in the world" and described as "a fine, outstanding example of the excellent service a public healthcare system can deliver".