Informal News

[Pragma]

Calafato gets an offer he can't refuse

Regarding: Ġann Calafato, Yan Despott
Date: 10 July 5325
Discoverable? No

Tanegżart, Aheblun, Cildania: Just minutes after finishing his acceptance speech for the 5325 One Flag leadership election, Despott had Ġann Calafato cornered backstage to ensure he wouldn't jump ship to the far-right Order of Saint Sebastian like Denzilee Depares. The party is already in a bad shape after its former leader left, but the infighting could get even worse leaving its new leader with little option. Despott, a man with known links to organised crime, has a life-ruining secret about Calafato and is not afraid to use it! It appears that hardliner Calafato has - let's say - very particular taste. Calafato, on the verge of tears, agreed to stay in line and publicly support his new leader. Whatever the secret is, it's certainly enough to scare him straight.

[Wu Han]

Something's off about Toni...

Regarding: Tonio Pullicino, former Minister of Food and Agriculture, Deputy of the Council, Cildania
Date: 22 August 5339
Discoverable?: No

Qart Qildar, Cildania: Tonio Pullicino is a freak. A real sick puppy. Since his election to Cildania's Council of Deputies in 5321, Pullicino has made it his mission to repeal all of Cildania's laws and regulations regarding killing animals, owning animals, experimenting on animals, and of course, having sex with animals.

Though Pullicino's legislative efforts have not been successful so far, the portly Pullicino is deeply passionate about liberalizing Cildania's animal welfare laws. Why? Well, once again, Pullicino is a freak:

Rumour has it that the Deputy spends untold thousands of dollars per month on dark-web monkey torture videos, as well as the most depraved images of human-animal interaction one could possible imagine. Moreover, Pullicino has apparently struck a dirty deal with the director of Qart Qildar's public animal shelter wherein once a month, after normal operating hours, Pullicino is given free reign over the capital city's stray dogs. It is alleged that often, Pullicino will walk the aisles of kennels before selecting a dog with which to have a one-on-one, man-dog death-match; Pullicino's holstered pistol ensures that he always wins.

It is speculated that much of the funding for Pullicino's horrifying hobbies comes from lobbyists associated with Cildania's agro-business sector who, despite their reservations about some of Pullicino's more taboo legislative priorities, nevertheless appreciate the vigour with which Puppy-Killer Pullicino pursues agricultural deregulation.

[Zanz]

Fish Hook mad at meddling ZB after Mirasuli misunderstanding

Regarding: A. "Fish Hook" Azzarà, fisherman and Prime Minister of Cildania; Ineż Mirasuli, supermodel and floundered politician; Dumniku Zammit-Barca, ex-top-cop and current-cock-block, OtSB best boy
Date: 18 February 5341 (n.b.: backdated)
Discoverable?: Yes

Qart Qildar, Cildania: Enigmatic PM A. "Fish Hook" Azzarà's romantic interest in erstwhile Jilrit gubernatorial candidate and supermodel Ineż Mirasuli is an open secret, and though the eligible Ms. Mirasuli has done nothing to encourage the PM's advances, it seems little will stop the Aheblun fisherman's attempts to reel in his prized beauty.

Little, that is, except for the wiles and machinations of Dumniku Zammit-Barca, OtSB leader.

According to sources close to the PM, and perhaps controversially given that OtSB is a member of the opposition in the Council of Deputies, Fish Hook intended for his first official visit as Prime Minister to be with the OtSB. FtS apparatchiks went so far as to organize a meeting place and time, under the understanding with the OtSB that photography and videography would not be allowed at the event, as is Fish Hook's general principle.

Astute observers will note, however, that this did not come to pass. Fish Hook has not met with OtSB.

At least not officially. Those same sources tell us that Fish Hook did indeed attend the planned meeting, and was "irate" when his counterpart from OtSB was none other than ZB himself, not the lovely Ms. Mirasuli as Fish Hook had expected. The PM is said to have demanded to see the model, according to one witness, stating "I am the Prime Minister, where is Ineż?" and then to have left in a rage when Ms. Mirasuli was not produced by Zammit-Barca's team.

The Prime Minister's office could not be reached for comment on the affair.

[Pragma]

A big star with a big problem

Regarding: Botrys Meilaq, Adam Meilaq
Date: 7 January 5343
Discoverable? Yes

Tanegżart, Aheblun, Cildania: Botrys Meilaq is not the kind of man to involve himself in underground activities, but he is a family man above all else. His son, Adam, is one of Cildania's most promising young stars. The younger Meilaq has propelled Tanegżart to a title challenge this season, leading the goal-scoring charts. His name is chanted with so much enthusiasm from the stands at the Prince Yadisgan Stadium, it would be a terrible shame if something came out about him that would jeopardise that reputation.

You see, young Adam is a more complicated figure that his social media pages will have you believe. While he presents as a God-fearing, straight-edge role model, his private life suggests otherwise. Partying, drinking, smoking more than just Fortizza menthol slims - and that's not even to mention the debauchery. There have been girls, guys and even a transexual Jelbanian hooker. Most embarrassingly, young Mr Meilaq seems to have a preference for the larger lads and lasses. A text from his agent to a Elajet-based "procurer" makes clear than when Adam heard the Fisher's Faction had legalised hunting whales, he had taken it to mean something else.

With these rumours and a few compromising photos bubbling under the surface, the leader of One Flag had to do something to protect the reputation of his family and his son's career. That's why the aforementioned pimp is no longer showing up on the streets of downtown Elajet, leaving a lot of plus-sized hoes in search of new employment. He should have known better than to run his mouth, you don't mess with a quiet man from southern Kinaan.

[Zanz]

Fish Hook said to be "very excited" for rumored Adiore state visit

Regarding: A. "Fish Hook" Azzarà, fisherman and Prime Minister of Cildania; Maria Adiore, High Chancellor of Lourenne, married woman, adorable
Date: 19 January 5348
Discoverable?: Yes

Qart Qildar, Cildania: Prime Minister A. "Fish Hook" Azzarà is one of the most successful Cildanian politicians in recent memory. He was the first Prime Minister to retain power across an election since the Restoration Movement, and most recently oversaw the first government change without an election after OtSB and GtP resigned in protest at Cildania's growing ties to Beiteynu. Fish Hook has long fostered a reputation of untouchability and mystique, with few ever meeting him in person and only scant photographs of him allowed to surface.

He has, however, had a long-renowned infatuation with failed OtSB gubernatorial candidate Inez Mirasuli, going so far as to support her runs personally despite his party never endorsing any other candidate. Ms. Mirasuli, renowned as a model before her entry into politics, has never acknowledged Fish Hook's interest, and is believed to be privately opposed to ever meeting the PM.

The luxury of avoidance may not be afforded to Maria Adiore, High Chancellor of Lourenne, who is believed to be scheduled to tour Cildania in the coming months with her foreign minister as Cildania and Lourenne foster closer ties. Fish Hook is believed to be "very excited" to meet Mrs. Adiore. The High Chancellor is renowned for her beauty along with her political accumen, but it is thought that Fish Hook's admiration extends primarily to the former.

It is unclear whether the High Chancellor's husband will attend the tour with his wife, but it is believed that Mrs. Adiore is unlikely to wish to be alone with the Fisherman Minister.

[jamescfm]

Fish Hook close to getting a left hook

Regarding: Guiliano Alagona, Cildanian foreign minister, and A. Azzarà, former Prime Minister of Cildania
Date: 25 February 5351
Discoverable? Yes

Qart Qildar, Cildania: Guiliano Alagona and “Fish Hook” Azzarà worked together in two separate governments over the past decade. Alagona claimed to save Azzarà’s premiership. When the latter’s coalition government collapsed in 5347, Alagona’s party stepped in to prevent an early election. The pair were perceived to be political allies, insofar as Azzarà can be said to have political allies.

Over the past two years though, that has all changed. The two men have reportedly suffered a serious breakdown in their relationship. According to insider sources, the cause of the breakdown is a series of inappropriate text messages sent by Azzarà to Alagona’s daughter Elena. The content of the messages is not known but it is not difficult to imagine.

Alagona often describes himself as a feminist and has said he has a “passion for women and their rights”. As a result, he was outraged to hear about the treatment of his daughter. In recent years, Elena has become one of his closest political advisors. The foreign minister is said to have remarked, “If I could find that bastard, I would lay him out.”

[TRA]

Medinat Department begins back-channelling with Barmenistan

Regarding: Beiteynuese hegemony in the peninsula, MSCO and Majatra as a whole
Date: December 5361
Discoverable: Yes

Katerina Sheket sat there blinking after Abram Jezkar hang up - she had him on speaker and was alone in her office. The Vizier for External Affairs spoke whimsically of fees, mortgages, economic difficulties; what surprised her was not the content of the discussion, but the Vizier's eloquence. Well, fine. Katerina Sheket was an even fiercer Yeudi pragmatist than Noah Kadiyot, and she also lacked his remorsefulness.

A few days later, her secretary received a fax (fax!) with a few bank account numbers located in Jelbe. Over the course of the next 17 days, 16.5M LOD worth of wire transfers originating in Pontesi, Selucia, Cildania and Istalia went through Ashalon Bank BEIFG into those accounts.

The whole thing was filed under the Kohav's "Cildanian costs".

[TRA]

Black Beisa working on the development of nuclear weaponry

Regarding: Yishelem's strategy to eventually achieve the final deterrent
Date: July 5362
Discoverable: Yes

Black Beisa is the research and development company in Beiteynu. In fact, it's so mysterious that nobody can confirm where its headquarters actually are - broadly in the Desert Bank, possibly southeast of Amshinov, towards the Pontesian mountainlines. A journalist once a took a photo decades ago which everyone assumed was one of the company's entrances, but nobody ever confirmed anything. Black Beisa's executives are quite elusive and somehow it gets most of the grants and contracts from the Beiteynuese Government and the Equifund. Its signature has been reported from weapons development partnerships to nuclear energy production with Aristocrat Energetical, throughout the decades, as well.

A few months ago, an explosion was sighted, which lit the night sky in the Desert Bank. Authorities were "magically" deployed to the scene and cut off any bystanders. "Nothing to see here". Eventually one of the Equifund's companies, Sato, said a failed rocket launch was the reason behind the light show.

That was a lie; it was Black Beisa's first attempt at nuclear weapon development, which failed spectacularly. The lead scientist had thrown his glasses to the wall, mumbling how "barbarically amateur" his colleagues and the technology where.

[GreekIdiot]

Whispers and a paper trail of obscure documents on Beiteynu's involvement in Cildanian corruption

Regarding: Justice ministry sets out on anti-corruption agenda; requests budgetary increase
Date: February 5366
Discoverable: Yes

It almost feels out of this world but right up the alley of Yishelem's traditional meddling, how Beiteynuese-Cildanian relations, over the course of less than half a century, went from almost non-existent to a military alliance on a level that is widely considered a checkmate in the Majatran Sea; not only a military alliance, but a massive naval base with a carrier strike group? Precarious. The dances in between; with the perfectly-timed rise of anti-Yeudi sentiment and violence in the country, a superbly convenient bombing of a synagogue with those involved "sighted" abroad but largely missing, the donation of anti-riot Guarder tracks; the second donation of Guarder tracks; the shipping industry's tax evasion and the seizure of sports cars from the East; at the same time that Yishelem was trying to reinvigorate the MSCO, which has seemingly taken absolute command of, Cildanian media kept focusing on scandals and corruption - while the efforts of decades of diplomacy eventually resulted in billions and billions into Cildanian markets, and, questionable contractors.

And a man, a quiet man who kept frequently meeting with strangers in the cliffs outside Qart Qildar; on a boat, with a faint accent. A Yeudi agent of the Terran Remediation Agency who paid, bribed and "pressured" with no paper trails, just whispers; what has been marked by bureaucracy, then, and what has not?

Yishelem's battle for Cildanian alignment was the 2nd most pivotal undertaking by Yeudis in almost 2 centuries; after the 1st one when they killed their own former PM to meddle in Artania. The dirt that can be uncovered, can be denied but can also be substantiated.

[Zanz]

A message from the Fish?

Regarding: Aheblun fisherman Ayitift Sulaiman; ???
Date: 18 September 5366
Discoverable?: Yes

Santa Alessandra, Aheblun, Cildania: Aheblun fisherman Ayitift Sulaiman had had a good few weeks, all in all. A quote in the famous Ħarald tas-Sur, one which captured the zeitgeist in modern Cildania. Sulaiman had been the toast of the town for his bravado.

That all came crashing down last night, however.

Sulaiman's body was found in the famous Santa Alessandra Fisherman's District this morning, the apparent victim of a vicious homicide. Police have been quiet and scant with details, but a photo has become popular online in Aheblun, apparently taken by the fisherman who found Sulaiman's body, showing a corpse riddled with enormous Majatran Blue Fin Tuna fish hooks. Internet sleuths have also noted a large bruise on the back left of Sulaiman's body, leading many to believe he was first struck from behind with a massive blunt force impact, and then tortured to death by fish hook.