PROFILE: Starry Godiva, Kalistan's New Premier
Ambitious Agenda includes Modernization, Restoration of Social SystemKaliburg, Ananto
May 18, 4530Incoming Premier Starry Godiva, at Socialist Watching Celebration following 4529 Special Elections with supportersThe incoming Premier of the Republic, 28 year old former host for the KRTVN6 Saturday Morning childrens' television show "Starry's World," and leader of the SP since 4526, Starry Godiva, assumed her role as Premier following the 4529 Special Elections which saw Socialists sweep into the Plurality for the first time in a Generation and Institutionalist allies making major gains on the heels of the ICRP's disqualification.
Godiva is a representative of a new Generation of Socialists: One who has come into political consciousness under Capitalist domination in Kalistan. In her trademark "vacant" voice, which some find grating, but others find intellectually diminutive, Premier Godiva explained the tension involved with espousing Kalistani socialism in an era dominated by largely Laissz Faire economic policy. "It's, you know, very difficult to hold the two ideas in the same head at the same time, you know? On the one hand, like, I remember teachers in my high school fighting over whether or not to teach socialism. I saw one teacher, who was like this big so-called Liberal supporter, interrupting my teacher who was trying to tell us about how the Dual System was supposed to work in my high school? And she was telling us that this is how it used to work, and he just threw a literal stapler at her face and then like, immediately tried to like attack her. Some of the football players just stood around while this guy was like, attacking her? And then this one guy in my class, he was a nerd, well we thought so, but like he just got up and went over and grabbed Mr. Stuart, and like literally flung him across the room. And he totally saved Mrs. Davidson, but then he got expelled for putting his hands on a teacher, and Mrs. Davidson was like fired on the spot for even talking about Socialism."
These early experiences led Starry to become active in politics. Her grandfather Eddie Godiva-Bjorksdottir was a fairly high profile Socialist in the Ananto District Government and taught her about the ideology of the Party outside of school. "Yeah, in school it was only like supposed to be 'Oh, Capitalism is sooo good. Look at all this capitalism: Oh, you get to starve. Oh, you get to work until you die and your kids get to go hungry, oh, you get student loans that you can never pay back, what fun. You're SOOOO free. And like one person in 10,000, its like Oh you get to be so rich, and you get all the power. Congratulations, you just, like won the lottery. Totally lucky but we're just going to say that you worked so hard to get there and you took all this like risk, and you like earned the right to be as rich as 50,000 regular workers combined. The Market The Market, blah blah blah...' Thank god we had old people still around who remembered what it was like from before then and would tell us the Truth. I got all my friends to take civics tutoring from my Grandpa, and he undid a lot of that garbage the Liberals were pushing in class." In fact, Godiva was elected to Class Representative to the Student Senate in her Senior year and ran as a Socialist. "I got like, death threats from some of the jocks, but even worse were their dumb girlfriends, who stuck up for their idiotic pro-fascism boyfriends. Can you believe it?"
Godiva studied Political Science at the University of High Bong in Neveras, and graduated right before the recent Crisis. "I immediately knew, like I would go into Politics. I went back to Ananto, did some campaigning, and was lucky enough to get to represent my home town of Eveari. I've been a Deputy from Eveari literally ever since." Godiva ascended to the top of the Party ranks when President Guttersnipe cleaned house and forced the old leadership to resign. The President said he supported Godiva for Speaker of the Party not because she was particularly eloquent-- The President admitted that he was not either. But she attracted his attention because she was, in his words, "...singleminded in her focus to restore the Dual Economy and the Social Structure," of Kalistan. Godiva confirmed this, "However we can make it happen."
Godiva accomplished her first victories with the Nationalization Bill, and the three National Industries Charters. "We like worked with all the Parties, and they gave us their input, and we got bills which got everyone on board. The Nationalization Bill was symbolically opposed by the Patriots, but this was not unexpected, nor out of character for them, you know? But they helped us with passing the charters, so I don't hold any grudges, you know?"
When asked how the Nationalization has progressed since the Bill was passed, Godiva answered, "Well, We quickly bought out the NDC's holdings. We got them very inexpensively, seeing as they were so depreciated when the NDC acquired them. Since then, we have acquired schematics from Vanuku for ships and tanks and aircraft. With the help of Vanukean technical experts who have been like working closely with our folks in the KALMILINCO and such, we're reopened the foundries and the National Shipyards at Port Devon and at Bozo River and are about to begin building our first new naval units in decades. We also are reworking the multi-role fighter designs we received from Vanuku and will begin testing prototype aircraft this year, starting with testing of the thrusters and afterburners themselves. The goal is to build a highly maneuverable craft for home defense and defense of our adjacent seas. As our national defense doctrine focuses specifically on home defense, specifically defense against, like, sea bourne invasion, it is important that we be able to at least match the speed and agility of carrier based planes, and to create variants designed to sink enemy surface craft. Most of our modern jet designs can like get close to the most modern carrier based aircraft, you know? But we are working on methods to beat their capabilities. And finally, our submarine fleet needs an overhaul, but for now, we just need to make sure we have replacements for the ones we do have because something is better than nothing."
Premier Godiva with her mentor, her grandfather Eddie Godiva-BjorksdottirThe Premier acknowledged an offer from Lourenne to invest heavily in the Kalistani Defense Plant. "Yes, we welcome ALL interested parties to Kalistan, even Lourenne. You know, Kalistan constantly seems to be hot and cold toward our neighbor. Of course it is easy for us to make fun of their penchants to wear berets, and eat long loaves of bread and smoke incessantly, but I will insist that the Deputies in the Assembly finally start taking them seriously. We can," The premier cut her self off in mid sentence. "I'm sorry," she apologized. "I'm like, having a difficult time keeping a straight face from what I just said... But no, seriously. I am like totally serious. Lourenne must be seen by Kalistani Deputies as our equals and our neighbors, and we want them to come to Kalistan and invest here. Its time we had a different attitude toward them, and I guess that like, starts with me."
The incoming Defense Minister, Regular General Calvin Golardo, confirmed
that Lourenne has indeed agreed to invest in Kalistan shipping and defense programs with heavy investments already made in capitalization of the National Industries by Lourennais interests. "Lourennais investment in the National Firms, but much more significantly the nationalization with compensation under the Nationalization Effort allows the legal remnants of the NDC to make its final payments to Vanuku for the transfer of technology which occurred around the basing of the 4th Fleet at Bozo River two and a half years ago. Modernization of the Kalistani Forces are expected to begin by October of this year and are scheduled to continue for the next Decade, at most."
Besides military modernization, the Socialist Leader looks to use this period of Institutionalist Majority rule to undo some of the damage of the previous quarter century. "Most important is the restoration of the UBI," said Godiva. "The UBI is important because, while it is not enough to make a person rich and completely replace work, it nonetheless frees a worker to take a job he or she is like suited to, rather than one she is literally forced to take to keep from starving to death. Yes, it costs, but yes it also eases burdens elsewhere in our social safety net. A person who has a UBI doesn't have to choose between working for wages and going to the hospital. If he or she is sick, they can miss a frickin day of work to get better rather than spreading their sickness to all their co-workers. Like, ewwww."
She also notes that the Socialists are fighting for universalization of some programs that have been means tested. "So, like, when only the poor benefit from some program, but like they got rid of the 1 Ruble tax bracket, like the rich have a reason to claim that they are getting ripped off by paying for something they can't use, while making it so the only ones who can use it, never paid anything for the services. And since the only lobbyists that the Poor have are currently in the Majority, while the lobbyists for the Rich have been running this country for a generation, and hacking poverty relief to the literal bone, we need to make sure that everyone at least has a stake in the maintenance of the system, or we're going to get the same thing we just had back again as soon as these people get the majority again."
The Social Reform Act is expected to pass, and modernization of the Armed forces is expected to begin, at long last, and we will see how long Starry Godiva can hold on to her office. In the meanwhile, the young Socialist leader informs us that she also likes to hang out with her friends, and especially someone named Hashtag Bonzob--ch, who is her bestie from way back, and drink iced tall mochachinos, and that she would like to take some time to go visit the ODEN plantations in the Dah Delta before leaving office. She also expressed her congratulations for the LDP Leader's recent marriage. "They're such a cute couple. They will like literally have good looking kids," said Godiva.