Mordusia

[J.G.S.]

Shamed and Powerless, Lord-Elect Mervyk Pathetically Flounders About

If one were to listen to Lord-Elect Mervyk for several minutes, one would see a shining picture of a very friendly but victimized Elitist Super Squad, pummeled from all sides by the heartless aristocrats of the Royal Crown Alliance. Of course, we are assuming that somebody would actually choose to waste several minutes to listen to this feeble-minded ex-dictator who has been stripped of his power but not his throne. But, once again, the picture Lord-Elect Mervyk paints is one of cheeriness amid torturous persecution.

Alas, this is not the truth. The RCA has, in fact, proudly passed a bill that bans Lord-Elect Mervyk from entering the Assembly of Lords, and it has also outlawed the dangerous cult that the Lord-Elect started. When, however, the Lord-Elect shrilly cries that the RCA is out to "murder" him, one can only draw the conclusion that our great leader has begun to suffer from schizophrenia or paranoid hallucinations. Either way, it is a very unfortunate circumstance, and not one to be laughed at. The RCA is definitely not happy about this, and, truth be told, the Lord-Elect's psychological ailments that we may now observe are items of great shame to the Mordusian people. "The Lord-Elect of our country is a deranged schizophrenic" is not a boast one would enjoy uttering in front of other people.

Meanwhile, as the RCA dutifully tries to remove Lord-Secretary Saint-Claire's minority government from office, the ESS is engaged in proposing bills that attempt to negate the party's dark and evil past. Wanting to sound open and inclusive, the ESS proposes opening up citizenship to all nationals. Let's not forget that this is the same party that screamed for Christians and atheists to be rounded up and executed only several years ago. Having given the police near-absolute powers only recently so as to expedite the planned rounding up and killing of Christians and atheists, the ESS is now proposing to reinstate civil liberties so as to "prevent further abuses of power by the RCA". Not to mention that the ESS is busy advocating the abolition of the death penalty. Perhaps the Lord-Elect is suffering not only from schizophrenia and paranoia, but also from bipolar personality disorder and severe memory loss.

There has been talk among RCA leaders that it might be wise to pass a resolution calling for a complete medical examination of Lord-Elect Mervyk. Our reporter also visited the Regius Club, the informal dinner-and-drinks headquarters of the RCA in Rechtenburg, and overheard several lords discussing the possibility of enacting a law that would confine Mervyk to his official residence so as to prevent the sick Lord-Elect from making any mistakes or embarrassing the nation any further.


- A group of RCA lords and Coptic Catholic priests praying for the Lord-Elect's health and sanity

[J.G.S.]

RCA Plans to Cut Off Lord-Secretary Saint-Claire's Revenue Stream

In a bold and daring move, several RCA lords moved to propose a bill eliminating the luxury and essential goods taxes, the only supplies of revenue for the ESS cabinet ever since it abolished income and corporate taxes. This move would leave the Lord-Secretary and his much-beloved Ministry of Defense with no funding at all, forcing the ESS into a dilemma - with all revenue gone, the ESS must either humbly and wisely accept defeat or continue paying for all of its extravagances by borrowing money. The second option would, all observers agree, be a political disaster for the ESS, since it would be creating an enormous debt for future generations of Mordusians to repay instead of stepping down and resigning from office. Lord Robert Cecil of the RCA proudly stated on the floor of the Assembly: "If Lords Mervyk and Saint-Claire refuse to adhere to the people's wishes and step down, the only option left to us is shutting down their government and cutting off their financial sources. The voters' choices are being ignored, and we are taking it upon ourselves to fix that."

[Mervyk]

RCA Desperate—Pretentious Insects Slander Lord-Elect and Take Treasury Hostage

During these past few years, the Royal Crown Alliance, unfazed by the sheer impossibility of their accusations, has ceaselessly slandered the Lord-Elect. And in pursuit of this course, the RCA, all too eager to sling mud at the man who holds the office they most covet (yet never attained), has brewed up Mordusia's most preposterous lies. The party’s latest antics involved, along with a multitude of other calumniations, accusing the Lord-Elect of insanity and holding the Mordusian treasury hostage—both of which are glaring signs of desperation. In the former case, lacking any other tool with which to gain the favor of the populace, the RCA has resorted to slandering its opponents. The RCA has even used the Divine Assembly of Lords to settle its own issues with the Lord-Elect and, in fact, the brunt of the RCA's activity consists primarily of defaming the Lord-Elect which is really quite embarrassing when one thinks about it—this is the RCA's first grasp of influence and the party is spending its duration politicking. Then again, the RCA is afraid to show its true standings for fear of losing to the Elitist Super Squad. It takes no genius to see that the RCA acquired more seats not out of brilliance, nor inspiration, nor even popularity, but because the ESS made some very large mistakes. The RCA's "win," if one can even call it that, has left the party with a four seat lead over the ESS and less than half of the legislature. It is a "victory" so meager that the RCA is not even capable of changing the cabinet, yet the RCA gloats as if it has moved mountains—well, maybe by RCA standards. Indeed, the RCA is so puny and so low that its only strategy for winning is waiting for others to slip. It truly is depressing for Mordusia that such a miserable little party can call itself the majority. And now, to compensate for its lack of power the RCA has held the nation’s treasury hostage. The RCA is threatening to drag Mordusia into financial ruin unless the administration resigns. So desperate for power is the party, that it is willing to endanger the whole nation for it.

“The RCA must stop this lunacy right now,” said Lord-Secretary Leopold Saint-Claire. “It is not as if this cannot be solved by another way. Have they never heard of elections?” They would not risk it. “If the RCA wants to settle something, then settle it the sane way. That’s how they claim to function, isn’t it? Well, now is their time to prove it. If the RCA really is as concerned about the voters' choices as they say they are, then they would stop endangering the country and call for elections.”

In truth, the RCA is really just so rabid and venomous that it imperils the whole country for the sake of discrediting the ESS. Now that’s desperation.

[J.G.S.]

Seizing Momentum, Lord Cecil Calls for Early Elections

Aggravated by the rapidly expanding political crisis that has followed the Election of 2949, Lord Robert Cecil of the RCA made a speech today on the floor of the Assembly of Lords calling upon the ESS to accept a call for an early election. To remind readers, the Election of 2949 yielded a clear victory for the two conservative parties, the RCA and the TCU, but the coalition was never able to take office because the TCU promptly collapsed and its lords never took their seats. For the past two and a half years, the RCA plurality has been struggling to dethrone the illegitimate minority government of ESS Lord-Secretary Saint-Claire. Now, however, it seems as though an end to this torturous drama is in sight, after the RCA courageously threatened to eliminate all forms of taxes and cut off the ESS cabinet's revenue. "We hope that Lord Saint-Claire has finally seen just how far we are ready to go in standing up for the voter's right to choose his government," Lord Cecil declared, "and it is my dearest hope that the ESS will finally see sense and agree to an early election, as Lord Saint-Claire said he would previously. Several newspapers, siding with the ESS, have criticized us for being overly desperate and using our legislative powers to force out Lord Saint-Claire's government. We are only desperate, however, because we want the ESS to acknowledge public opinion and either step down or help fix this hung Assembly. Our proposed tax elimination is not representative of our policies in any way, we are simply using any means available to us to force the ESS to adhere to the voters' requests and beliefs."

It is now widely expected that the ESS will accept Lord Cecil's offer of an early election, referring to Lord Saint-Claire's recent quote: "Have they never heard of elections? ... If the RCA really is as concerned about the voters choices as they say they are, then they would stop endangering the country and call for elections." The nation can only pray that the ESS agrees to this rational next step as quickly as possible, and that the election will herald a clear winner and a bright future for Mordusian politics.


- His Grace the Duke of Sammodra, on the floor of the Assembly of Lords, calling for an early election to end the crisis

[J.G.S.]

In Anticipation of Early Election, RCA Announces New Candidate

A turning point in Royalist and Mordusian history was clearly in the making as several top RCA lords filed into the chapel at the Regius Club late last night to announce the results of their important vote to replace the retiring Lord Cecil Rhodes, 8th Earl of Cormorant, candidate for Lord-Elect for the past 32 years. The name they declared, however, shocked at least a few of the lords gathered in the chapel. Soon, though, shock turned to amazement and the silence broke as hundreds of lords stood up to cheer Admiral Wyatt Henry Brantforth, the newly appointed candidate for the office of Lord-Elect. Admiral Brantforth is relatively young at 55 years old, but highly regarded by his peers in the Navy. For the past ten years, Admiral Brantforth has been engaged in Sammodran state politics, served out several terms in the Sammodran state assembly as a RCA delegate, and has helped lead the local Sammodran offices of the RCA. Admiral Brantforth carries a message similar to his predecessor Lord Rhodes - revival of religious morals, fairer economic policy, environmental conservation, and preservation of traditional Mordusian society - yet he is expected to also please the war hawks among Mordusia's conservatives as well as common voters who were previously put off by Lord Rhodes' noble upbringing.

The evening vote followed a statement by Lord Rhodes that he will not seek the RCA candidacy in the upcoming election and that he wishes to retire after 32 years of unsuccessfully seeking the top office. "I have served this country to the best of my ability just as I have sworn as a child born into the Rhodes family. The official motto of the RCA and the unofficial one of most of the proper families I know is 'Noblesse oblige' - nobility obliges. My entire life, I have used my background, education, and wealth to benefit common Mordusians throughout this country, and I can proudly say that I have done so relentlessly and without excuses or regrets. It has been my pleasure serving all of you on the political stage, but I must now retire to my estate and family to make way for a new candidate, a new opportunity, a new face bearing the same noble message."


- Admiral Wyatt H. Brantforth, new RCA candidate for Lord-Elect

[J.G.S.]

Mordusia Votes Royalists Into Power, Mervyk the Vogon Deposed

To the cheers of Mordusians all across the country, Admiral Wyatt H. Brantforth read his victory speech from the steps of the Assembly of Lords. The turnout, meanwhile, was much smaller a few blocks away, where the deposed 9-term Lord-Elect Mervyk the Vogon of the ESS quietly left the Lord-Elect's residence. The special election, all are quick to agree, has all but ended the political crisis that followed the Election of 2949, in which no party accumulated a majority and the kingmaker Traditional Conservative Union falling into obscurity right after the election. This left Mordusia with Lord-Elect Mervyk who won by less than one percentage point, a minority ESS cabinet, and a hung parliament. The special election was only agreed to by the ESS after the RCA used their 4-seat lead over the ESS to effectively shut down the government by eliminating all forms of taxes.

Now that the Royalists have achieved a legitimate majority and the Lord-Elect's seat, however, Mordusia is quickly returning to normalcy. The new RCA cabinet will be taking office starting January 1st, 2952. Admiral Brantforth has selected the old and dignified Palace of St. Coptus as the Lord-Elect's official residence and has already moved in. But most importantly, the RCA leadership in the Assembly of Lords has quickly drawn up a new budget reducing the size and importance of the military-industrial complex so favored by the ESS and reviving the Ministries of Education, Infrastructure, Health and Social Services, and Environment, among others that were effectively eliminated by Lord-Elect Mervyk's programs. To finance this budget, which, due to the cut in defense spending, is 1.2 trillion MRD less than the old one, the RCA has proposed a comprehensive tax plan that spreads costs fairly and evenly among Mordusians. The plan will mandate a 15% corporate tax, a progressive but still very low income tax on upper-bracket Mordusians, and 5% essential and 10% luxury goods sales taxes. This fair and responsible fiscal program follows the ESS's extreme levels of defense spending, insanely high sales taxes, raging deficits, and a complete lack of corporate or high-income taxes.

The RCA has also drawn up a program reviving free public education in Mordusia, as well as introducing national educational standards, making education compulsory for children under the age of 17, and raising the age of adulthood to 18. This combined education reform program is widely admired for looking ahead to the future of Mordusia and providing the country with future leaders and good citizens.


- Palace of St. Coptus, official residence of Lord-Elect Adm. Wyatt H. Brantforth, situated in Rechtenburg's Imperial Park

[J.G.S.]

At One Year Mark, RCA Cabinet Rides on a Wave of Success

Mordusians, at first, were definitely stunned. After a long and tedious political crisis and exploding hostilities between the RCA and ESS, the quick, firm policies of the RCA came as a welcome and celebrated change following the Early Election of December 2951. Within a month, a new RCA cabinet, chaired by Lord-Secretary The Duke of Sammodra, was quickly ushered in without a hitch, and it took less than thirty days to pass a fair new budget. Then, within several months, the budget was balanced with fiscally-prudent tax legislation mandating a modest progressive income tax and low sales and corporate taxes. When a further 3% sales tax increase was needed to close the small remaining budget gap, the RCA was even able to get the cooperation of ESS lords in order to pass it quickly and painlessly.

In terms of social welfare, the RCA takes great pride in its quick passage of a law reinstating free public education. Minister of Education M.P. Cooper, however, not to be outdone by the successes of Minister of Education and Culture Baron Hoylston, took a bold step proposing the regulation of alcohol and tobacco products, restricting the sale of these risky substances to adults only. Widely praised as a wise move, and a bold one considering the power wielded by the alcohol and tobacco lobbying structures, Minister Cooper's reforms would undo parts of the previous ESS cabinet's staunch pro-big-business legislation, especially if this is only the first step of a larger agenda, which it is likely to be.

Meanwhile, party leadership is already planning for the next election in 2955, in which the RCA would love to take even more seats from the ESS in the long struggle to form a Royalist supermajority which could be used to reinstate the monarchy under His Imperial and Most Excellent Majesty Emperor George III.

[Mervyk]

A speech by Lord-Secretary Leopold Saint-Claire

Mordusia's appeal to the rest of Terra
Communists have once again resurfaced in Mordusia, but unlike those in the past, these ones are committing bloodshed well before gaining power. Now, I have never been the one to trouble terra with domestic crises, but necessity drives me to do so. Communist sympathisers from Alduria and Saridan have smuggled arms to Mordusia. The Ministry of Foreign Affairs have already requested that the governments of these respective nations tighten the security on their borders. Preemptive measures have been taken also with the Ministry of Foreign Affairs making the same appeal to Aldegar and Rildanor. These nations may not find it in their interest to grant Mordusia's request, however, I am here to tell them otherwise. Countless lives will be lost if these nations allow people to supply rebels with the tools with which to kill and destroy the peace -- on both sides. That there are people willing to aid bloody communist insurgents from the other side of the border is in itself a glaring tell. Communism is brewing in their nations and wanting for ours to fall. And when that time comes, theirs will too. With a powerful communist mother country backing all sorts of rebellions, what barrage of miseries shall their nations suffer?

Do not think that helping our nation is not a mutual expression. Mordusia already took the initiative to exterminate those that dare aid communism.

And to other nations unbordered by Mordusia, Mordusia requests that you tighten security at your air ports and sea ports.

[Mervyk]

Government Adds NRF and The International to List of Terrorist Organizations

The government has decided to officially add the National Revolutionary Front to its list of terrorist organizations joining Comintern, Allah's Eight, and other confederations of maniacs. The National Revolutionary Front is a terrorist organization by default, but no doubt the Mordusian government thought it fitting to eternalize the NRF's terrorist status seeing the extent of the damage they caused. This dubious honor was also bestowed upon The International, an international communist organization known to have harbored the likes of the United Worker's Front, a party with bad negotiation skills and a penchant for dictatorship. Now that the NRF is officially a terrorist organization, it will be much easier for the government to persecute them and to persuade other nations to persecute them. Here is a speech by the Lord-Secretary doing just that:

The National Revolutionary Front will not hesitate to do unto your nation what it has done here. It shall conjure up trouble and ruin your peace all in the name of destroying your way of life. If this does not weigh upon your conscience and compel you to action, then you are either someone indifferent to the direction of one's nation, or an isolationist.

[Mervyk]

ESS Ministers Ready to Retire

After decades of service, the ESS ministers are ready to retire. All of them (with the exception of Phineas Quincent Thalberg). Of whether this will affect the efforts against the insurrection negatively, this paper thinks no. There are plenty of experienced ESS legislators at the background prepared to take the ministers' places should they somehow expire. M.F. Cameron, the renowned Minister of Finance, can now freely pursue his much beloved passion of slandering.